All-Star Criminals

Hillbilly Hardo #2 Somehow Has A Worse Driving Record Than Hardo #1, Nearly Killed His Friend In A DUI, And His Fiance Took Him To Court For Child Support


Dozens of turtle riders have helped us identify the second street tough who terrorized a West Warwick neighborhood and left a young man’s lifeless body lying in the road.

His name is Christian Bourdon, and has has even more Google trophies than the other street tough who drives around in a truck without license plates, possibly because his license is always suspended.

Both Christian and his fiance Ciera Lacerda don’t like to pay their rent, which leads to the occasional eviction here and there.

Remember when she initially told the woman who filmed her “fiance” that she was gonna dump him over it?


That may be a long term result of her having to take him to court to pay child support.

I for one am shocked that her boycott of Walmart didn’t bring the company to its knees.

She’s married to him now? Maybe her and Bristol Blarney have the same anniversary.

The occasional domestic violence or simple assault charge.

Just like captain dick cheese, he also drives around with a suspended license.

He has multiple DUI’s.

Including a bad one in 2014 that made the papers.

Police have identified two men were seriously injured when their vehicle struck a utility pole on East Avenue shortly after midnight Friday. The driver, Christian Bourdon, 27, of Central Street, West Warwick, was charged with driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs, resulting in serious injury, refusal to submit to a chemical test and operating with a suspended license. The passenger in the vehicle is identified as Thomas Caparco, 39, of Chapman’s Ave. in Warwick. Warwick police said Bourdon was traveling west on East Avenue when he failed to navigate a turn, crossed the center line and struck a utility pole in the area of 770 East Ave., as he approached the East Avenue bridge. Both occupants were transported to Rhode Island Hospital with serious injuries and at last check were still listed in serious condition. The Traffic Division’s Accident Reconstruction Team is investigating the accident. Police said additional charges may include driving while intoxicated resulting in serious bodily injury (felony) and will be filed against Bourdon pending toxicology results.

Pretty sad when you and your buddy make it onto Turtleboy, and the guy who’s only been arrested 7 times for driving with a suspended license is somehow the more qualified to be behind the wheel.

Anyway, he can add a couple more Google trophies to his cabinet after the incident this week for simple A&B and disorderly conduct.

Probably should’ve just gone home after they kicked the shit out of that kid instead of coming back.


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77 Comment(s)
  • Dingus-cunt
    April 13, 2020 at 10:45 am

    Only fags #rollcoal.

  • John Galt
    April 12, 2020 at 5:54 am

    Biggest surprise is that his Johnny Cash T-shirt isn’t the one with Cash flipping the bird. Johnny Cash would be sad to find he’s become an icon among the douche community.

  • Lets Hope The NFL Season Isnt Cancelled
    April 12, 2020 at 12:49 am

    If the NFL is cancrlled does Tom Brady get to keep the 30 million for not playing this year.
    I wanted to see Tommy win with the bucs and this virus really sucks

    • Noah Bourdon
      February 18, 2021 at 5:25 pm

      Y’all need to shut the fuck up that’s my fucking dad so allow me to buy you a dildo and give you one last chance to take back what you said and if not You can go fuck yourself.

  • Hugh Mungous
    April 11, 2020 at 7:20 pm

    Bo and Luke Douche Must really enjoy the prison sex

  • Nee Chi
    April 11, 2020 at 7:02 pm

    “Lifeless Body”?!

    Very ratchet to open a story with a huge exaggeration.

    Keep up the good work:)


  • Greg Louganis
    April 11, 2020 at 6:30 pm

    I like his sneakers.

    • Gerbil
      April 11, 2020 at 7:43 pm

      I like your warm asshole

      • Anderson Pooper
        April 11, 2020 at 9:38 pm

        Paws off gerbil he is mine all mine

        • Richard Gere
          April 13, 2020 at 10:24 am

          God Dammit

          • Lemmiwinks
            April 14, 2020 at 2:42 am

            Fuck you both. I got dibs…*squeak

  • Amanda Sawyer
    April 11, 2020 at 5:22 pm

    Its back on!! I will resume shuttle rides around town tonight
    from 10:00-3:00.No need for masks.My SUV is squeaky clean
    just like my home. #GRLPWR

  • george costanza
    The angry taint
    April 11, 2020 at 4:29 pm

    I see Ciera and my nana shop in the same bathing suit secton.

    • Thank you
      April 12, 2020 at 4:57 am

      What we all thinking!!

  • Mark Of The Beast
    April 11, 2020 at 4:23 pm

    Government chipping away at American freedoms everyday.
    Congress going to track you by your cell. Fauci will make real.Americsns carry papers.

  • randiguy2006
    April 11, 2020 at 4:14 pm

    Can we just eliminate white people already?

    • Thats Why China Invented The Negro Eraser
      April 11, 2020 at 4:25 pm

      Even the gooks cant stand blacks. China is afraid globalization is coming to their homogeneous land.

    • Fast Eddie
      April 11, 2020 at 4:47 pm

      I owned a Olds cuntless Cieria. It was a piece of shit, just like her.

  • Colin
    April 11, 2020 at 4:12 pm

    Hey Uncle Turtleboy, do a segment about this motherfucking freak

  • Walking Tall
    April 11, 2020 at 3:40 pm

    That picture of him striding along in those fucking shoes is hilarious.

  • There, I said it.
    April 11, 2020 at 3:39 pm

    Skinny jeans are worse than flat brimmed Bulls hats

  • The Spic Tormentor
    Spic Tormentor
    April 11, 2020 at 2:20 pm

    I bet this faggot has a Disney varsity jacket

  • My Name Is Marty And I Am An Alcoholic
    April 11, 2020 at 1:24 pm

    I am officially stating that the covid virus is racist and kills black folks just be cause they are black. They are sittin sitting there minding their business and they dindu nothin and the virus kills them because they are black and its all evil whiteys fault. Heart disease cancer obesity and diabetic blacks die from the virus and only the virus. We saw blacks and hispanics were voting for Trump and we need them back on the democratic plantation. They will fall for the racist virus narrative and bote Dem its that simple.
    Funny thing is we can call this a black disease but to be politically correct we wont call aids a gay disease. You see aids was only affecting gays in the 70s and 80s. Gays didnt like that aids was and still is promarily a gay disease. The general public didnt care that sodomites were dying from aids. So the gay community hatched a plan to infiltrate the blood supply by sharing needles and taking the Red Cross to court so they could infect the blood supply. Now we say see heterosexuals get aids like everyone else but if you are not gay dont inject drugs and dont have a bisexual partner or a questionable blood transfusion, you will never get aids . It is a gay disease but we wont call it that. The wuhan virus is a chinese virus but we will call it racist covid 19. Anyone who disagrees will be branded a racist
    Now go down to chinatown and get some chicken wings to go.
    Wash it down with a 40 ounce and if the black surgeon says dont drink alcohol call him racist.
    Remember stay home be safe while we destroy the ecconomy due to this racist whiteman virus.

    • whatevuh
      April 11, 2020 at 10:01 pm

      not on anything, my only point is, you act like this is YOUR BLOG, it isn’t, although that might leave you fucking devastated. Comment on the story or go away and rant somewhere else, any chance you can fucking figure that out? Stay on topic, or sit down and shut up, pretty fucking simple.

      • Whatevuh Psychotic
        April 12, 2020 at 12:43 am

        They took your straight jacket off and youusedyour free time to lash out. Not a good move. I let your therapist know and he assured me that your medication would be doubled and you would be put back in your cage.

  • ChipChipperson
    April 11, 2020 at 1:23 pm

    The Sioux name for Ciera is “Buffalo Woman With Thighs Like Tepee Poles”

    • whatevuh
      April 11, 2020 at 1:50 pm

      Go back and read the story cum-stain, this isn’t a story about the virus.

      • My Name Is Marty And I Am An Alcoholic
        April 11, 2020 at 2:00 pm

        Shitstain, this story is whatever I say it should be about.
        Perhaps with your one brain cell, you were not able to recognize there are more compelling issues to blog about.

        • whatevuh
          April 11, 2020 at 2:31 pm

          That may be true, but not in the middle if this story ya fuckin douchebag

          • My Name Is Marty And I Am An Alcoholic
            April 11, 2020 at 4:05 pm

            Cocksucker, no one cares what an aids infected cum guzzling shitstain like you thinks.
            You dont enforce the rules for the city. I do! Ok cum breath.

        • whatevuh
          April 11, 2020 at 7:10 pm

          You must be a real fucking dickhead in person.

          • My Name Is Marty And I Am An Alcoholic
            April 11, 2020 at 7:48 pm

            Is that the mantra you repeat each day to build your esteem as you look in the mirror.?

            Try this whatever
            I WAS BORN SHIT
            I AM SHIT
            I WILL ALWAYS BE SHIT.

            You should never be confused as to what you are and what you have to offer the world. SHIT

        • whatevuh
          April 11, 2020 at 8:53 pm

          lose the hardo routine, it’s boring, sit down and shut up

          • My Name Is Marty And I Am An Alcoholic
            April 11, 2020 at 9:41 pm

            What drugs are you on?
            You sound like an angry uptight faggot.

  • Depopulation in full effect
    April 11, 2020 at 12:54 pm

    Look up thisisbillgates on Instagram and get a clue sheep! Bahhhhhh bahhhh! Depopulation in full effect. First create the virus then create the vaccine! $$$$ for them, death for you! What awesome business model! #fuckbillgates #filmyourhospital #vaccineskill #wakeup #fuckyourvaccines

    • whatevuh
      April 11, 2020 at 1:19 pm

      Could you please enlighten us, as to what this has to do with the story to which you replied? What a fucking retard

      • Fuckyourvaccines
        April 11, 2020 at 8:02 pm

        To wake you the fuck up sheep bahhhh bahhhh

  • Planet Fitness
    April 11, 2020 at 12:54 pm

    Imagine the weight she’s going to put on year after year for the next decade, she’ll be pushing 300 by the time she’s 40 no doubt.

      April 11, 2020 at 4:10 pm

      PLNT great day trading stock due to the pandemic.
      2 great tuns 2 weeks in a row
      First run fron 23 to 52 within 5 days. 2nd run from 36 to 52 within 4 days.

  • Christian Loves Fat Ladies
    April 11, 2020 at 12:51 pm

    Love her fat girl swim suit. She looks like a lard assed old bitch. You can tell a lot about a person by looking at what they lay with. She looks like a draft animal. Christian is living his best life, which sucks for him. He has to whisper ” I love you Tubby” every night.

  • Dr Ed. Doctor of fellatio
    April 11, 2020 at 11:49 am

    An update on my rehab
    I’m still in rehab but I’m cured of the wild turkey I’m just addicted to benzodiazepines
    I’ve also started to enjoy being corn holed by my big sweaty black nurses aid Jamaal the lawn jockey

    Pray for me

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    April 11, 2020 at 11:01 am

    I’ve heard Ciera likes to give hummers. A small percentage of chicks actually do. I dated one like that years ago. She would literally whip my sausage out without my even asking. Let’s just say that jaw of hers got a good workout for the year we dated.

    • Casey at the bat
      April 11, 2020 at 11:51 am

      The best blow jib I ever had was from your mother
      She’d always start me off with a rim job

      • Casey's Mom
        April 11, 2020 at 1:00 pm

        Casey please don’t tell the people about me smearing Hormel corned beef hash on my privates and going to the dog park for some K9 loving. German Shepherds can be so attentive.

  • Old and slow
    April 11, 2020 at 10:26 am

    I’m confused. These 2 share the same fiancé?

  • He should be ashamed =p
    April 11, 2020 at 10:00 am

    I’m surprised he’s that old. With the clean shave, I thought he was just some 22 year old hardo with a truck. Immature but has time to grow out of it. But pulling this shit in ur 30s? Woof

  • The Spic Tormentor
    Spic Tormentor
    April 11, 2020 at 8:31 am

    “Which one is your fiancé?”

    “The adult wearing the cartoon shirt and cargo shorts”

  • whatevuh
    April 11, 2020 at 7:55 am

    33 yrs old, and still wearing the ball cap on backwards (immature) getting in fights (to prove manliness) arrest record 1/2mile long (proves long-lasting stupidity) won’t pay child support (total loser) can’t hold down a job (see previous examples)

    Is there anything this POS does that leads us to believe he will be a productive citizen at some point in his up-to-now useless existence ?

    • Captain Trips
      Captain Trips
      April 11, 2020 at 10:57 am

      His corpse will make good fertilizer some day. Other than that, nope.

  • bigdaddy
    April 11, 2020 at 7:08 am

    The only thing missing from the story was a bottle of henny

    • jobrienxxx176
      Don’t Forget About Me
      April 11, 2020 at 8:47 am

      And a Chicago Bulls flat brimmed hat

      • Snarky Pete
        April 11, 2020 at 9:45 am

        And a body laying lifeless in the road.

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    April 11, 2020 at 6:34 am

    Drag Queen Story Hour has been suspended due to the virus. I implore everyone to write your legislators and demand that our beautiful queens get back to the business of serving our communities.

    • I'm Serious
      April 11, 2020 at 10:04 am

      Can’t you pass a law demanding fathers dress up in drag to tell their kids bedtime stories???

  • Shit stirrer
    April 11, 2020 at 6:30 am

    No matter what color of skin,if your a scumbag ,your a scumbag.all these fucksticks need a wake up call.and it’s coming,this (virus) was just time it will be rounding up people for fema camps

    • almost heaven
      April 11, 2020 at 10:49 am

      possesive pronoun: your; possesive pronoun: Your; determiner: Your

      belonging to or associated with the person or people that the speaker is addressing.
      “Is this your vibrating butt plug?”
      How to Use You’re in a Sentence

      You’re definition. You’re is a contraction for you are. It is a possessive adjective that modifies a noun.
      “You’re a fucking moron “

      • Eats shit and bark at moon
        April 11, 2020 at 3:16 pm

        Hey you ,ya you ,Felix unger ,you seem a little anal about spelling,bet you got your ass kick a lot in grammar school

      • Eat shit and at the moon
        April 11, 2020 at 4:00 pm

        Hey you ,ya you ,Felix unger ,you seem a little anal about spelling,bet you got your ass kick a lot in grammar school

        • almost heaven
          April 11, 2020 at 6:58 pm

          shut uo you fucking idiot

  • Paul Shanley
    April 11, 2020 at 4:14 am

    How much for the Sponge Bob boots?

  • Amanda Sawyer
    April 11, 2020 at 12:41 am

    I just made my kids watch me eat fast food.They got none.

  • Ciera gave a blowjob to a care salesmen
    April 11, 2020 at 12:39 am

    My buddy who is a car salesmen got a blowjob from Ciera couple years ago. He bragged about it to me and I was like dude did you have to return the favor on that whale? He said no. I hope that’s true. I can’t imagine how bad fat chicks pussies stink, so much more porous skin stretch secreting body fluids, I’m about to puke typing this.

    Anyway, I hope Christian and Joshue get the room temperature challenge.

  • Elton Johns Husband
    April 11, 2020 at 12:08 am

    I love his taste in footwear!

  • Something missing
    April 10, 2020 at 11:54 pm

    Funny, you’d think there would be at least one or two GoFundMe accounts in this story.

  • Silencio Dogood
    April 10, 2020 at 11:43 pm

    this guy is a cornhole child, a sperm covered turd raised stupid. it’s obvious.
    his fiancé, on the other hand, had to sue him for child support and then chose to marry him? or pretends to be married (i didn’t realize how rampant that was). these are some of the ratchet acts that make a person feel as though we are fucked, as a species.

  • Spocks Testicle
    April 10, 2020 at 11:18 pm

    Illogical. Not going to get a slap on the wrist this time.
    Will be depending on shuttle rides around West Warwhack
    from Amanda Sawyer when the dust settles.

  • Chris Capelle
    April 10, 2020 at 11:14 pm

    A couple of douche canoes

  • Turtz McGurtz
    April 10, 2020 at 10:53 pm

    ‘Probably should’ve just gone home after they kicked the shit out of that kid instead of coming back.’

    Yup. Also, his buddy Joshua probably shouldn’t have posted a self-incriminating pic of it on facebook.

  • Christans a bitch
    April 10, 2020 at 10:26 pm

    His girlfriend blew my buddy a couple months ago. Kid still has no idea with his kid in the next room over

  • Two Patch Crappy Jack
    April 10, 2020 at 10:25 pm

    These Coal Rollin joker’s love the pig bitches… Classic redneck behavior right here in War Wack

  • Boston Irish
    Barney Frank
    April 10, 2020 at 10:15 pm

    White trash

    • Gerry Studds
      April 11, 2020 at 12:34 am

      Don’t be such a bitch , Toodles

      • Jim Marzilli
        April 11, 2020 at 10:09 am

        Amen Bernie. Real creeps drive a Prius.

  • Judge dread
    April 10, 2020 at 10:15 pm

    Why is everyone wearing COVAIDS masks? It just makes u look like a sketch case.

    • the virgin Connie Swail
      April 10, 2020 at 10:26 pm

      fat chicks are wearing them because then they can wear yoga pants displaying their gunts and ginormous asses without revealing their hideous faces, fat fucking cunts

      • Judge dread
        April 10, 2020 at 10:32 pm

        I was reading this while sipping on some whiskey and I almost spit puked it all up cuz I lol’d. Nice post.

    • Hate Dindus
      April 11, 2020 at 8:49 am

      Seeing a lot of nogs wearing them. Hey, if it keeps those worthless porch monkeys away I’m all for it.

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