Smiles And Sunshine

Holbrook Police Save A Young Missing Crotch Fruit Using The Power Of Facebook


Last week I did a blog about the epidemic of “missing” teens being reported on police department Facebook pages. My beef was with the fact that 99% of the time it’s some 16 year old girl who ran to her boyfriend’s house for the weekend and turned into a stuffed crust pizza. There’s a big difference between emergency missing, and stuffed crust missing.

The Holbrook Police today showed us an example of how social media can be used to help real missing kids get united with their families. It began with this.

I’ll be the first to admit that when I saw this, and I heard that no one in town reported a 5 year old crotch fruit, my initial instinct was to blame the parents.

But it really wasn’t fair to do that. I don’t know this kid, I don’t his parents, and I don’t know how long he’s been missing. The fact that the kid can’t say his name and is wearing galoshes and Mickey Mouse pajamas leads me to believe that he’s the kind of kid who can sneak out on ya without you noticing. For all we know he was playing at home, Mom was watching him, she’s exhausted from pulling an all nighter, and she fell asleep on the couch. I’ve got a son the same age and I’ve fallen asleep while watching him without Mr. Turtlegirl being home. Luckily for me my semen demon is the devil incarnate and he won’t let me sleep for more than 5 minutes, so I can’t imagine this happening to me.

But I do reserve the right to judge upon further information coming forward. If it turns out that Mom nodded off, or she just didn’t care because she’s too busy ripping Newports and watching 16 And Pregnant reruns, I’ll be the first one to send her on a one way trip to shame city. I just wanna make that clear in case anyone thinks I’ve gone soft all of a sudden. I’m still a cunt at heart.

But I’m writing this blog mostly because less than an hour later this happened.

Ain’t that swell? I’ll admit that the fact that his parents aren’t in the picture is a little suspect. But the bottom line is that the kid is safe, and if anything shady was going on with his parents then the cops are now aware of it. This is the kind of missing kid the police should be alerting the community about, not 16 year old girls hanging out with their 19 year old boyfriends at the Brockton traphouse.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why social media access should be a right for everyone. It has the ability to reunite families and save lives. I bet this kid’s parents saw this widely shared post on Facebook, freaked the fuck out, and hauled ass to the police station. What if the Holbrook Police were suspended by Facebook? How much harder would it be for them to communicate this message and help this poor kiddo?

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30 Comment(s)
  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    August 9, 2019 at 6:58 pm

    I bet the farm the parents (or parent) of this little islander didn’t come out for photos because she/they are still in their PJ’s smoking Newports

    Any bets?

  • Tommy Hayes
    August 9, 2019 at 10:09 am

    I was puzzled that the kid couldn’t say his name like he was retarded or something. Then it comes out he doesn’t speak any English?! WTF is he doing here? Not speaking English is pretty much a highway to EBT cards and shit.

  • That Girl Was Me
    August 8, 2019 at 7:45 pm

    Ah the good ol’ days when parents could parent and give their kids a rap for wearing their pj’s all day.

    and you wonder why adults go to the grocery store in mickey mouse pajama bottoms?

  • TRUMP2020
    August 8, 2019 at 7:16 pm

    Cool stuff. Now call ICE and throw him in a cage until he dies.

  • Diamond
    August 8, 2019 at 4:57 pm

    Clean it up, SSTG. You sound like an ass trying to convince us how hard and badass you are. Stealing catch phrases and words from TB back in the day is one thing, but calling yourself a cunt or your kid a semon demon just makes you trash.

    • Frank Rizzo
      August 8, 2019 at 5:52 pm

      HEY DIAMOND, YOU SUCK! SSTG RULES! Piss Offfffffff. Frank Rizzzzzo

  • SSTG's Crotch Fruits
    August 8, 2019 at 3:50 pm

    Mommy mommy why did you leave our daddy to raise us by himself when we were little????
    Are you better now? I’m getting good grades at School and my brother wants to know when you will be allowed to see us again?

    • Inquiring minds
      August 8, 2019 at 6:07 pm

      Sounds like you know some secrets. Can’t say it didn’t peak my interest when I read that comment. It would really be something if someone who blogs to shame people and puts down people on welfare and addicts, up and walked away from their own children and may have had the disease they all love to mock. I’m nosey lol, so if there is information you feel like sharing I would love to know about it.

  • Stinky Crotch Fruit
    August 8, 2019 at 3:28 pm

    Can anyone explain to me why if Blacks make up 13% of the population and Gays make up 1% of the population why do they take up 98% of the daily internet news, TV shows and commercials?

    • Pegger Murchison
      August 8, 2019 at 4:06 pm

      Really? You need an explanation on that?

    • Christopher Lettiere
      August 8, 2019 at 4:34 pm

      Great question; also worth pondering:

      -51% of the mass shootings in 2019
      -52% of the homicides in America
      -37% of the violent crimes
      -40% of cop homicides
      -And 93% of black homicides

      But please tell me again how white supremacy is the problem?

    • Massholio
      August 9, 2019 at 10:11 am

      To distract you from the fact that you are being taxed to death with no end in sight?

  • z
    August 8, 2019 at 3:09 pm

    The kid was saved.
    Is his name Mikey?
    BTW, anything new on Mikey and his so called “Dad”?

  • SMH
    August 8, 2019 at 2:25 pm

    Put chains on your doors, up too high for young kids to reach even with a step-stool. Doesn’t work for teens though.

  • Christopher Lettiere
    August 8, 2019 at 2:23 pm

    Social Media should be a right. Just ask Mitch McConnell; his campaign Twitter account was suspended last night for reposting a video of group of BLM thugs harassing him at his house while he’s nursing a broken shoulder.
    The BLM accounts remain even though they originally posted the videos.

  • Big Wick
    August 8, 2019 at 1:45 pm

    Glad this concluded well. Absolutely, all should have social media access, with reasonable exceptions made, and not blocked due to a bot receiving “reports.” Mitch McConnell’s Twitter was suspended, only because he posted video of protesters’ profanity. He was being threatened, posted, and now HE’S the bad guy. WTF, over? (Whatever became of Uncle Turtleboy’s Facebook experiment with “reporting” a UT-chosen random person? I participated, but never saw any outcome.)

    • Christopher Lettiere
      August 8, 2019 at 2:28 pm

      Whoops. I hit the end button, bringing me to the bottom of the page, and I missed your comment; otherwise, I would’ve just added the video to your post.
      Spot on. Sorry to duplicate.

      • Big Wick
        August 8, 2019 at 3:26 pm

        No worries, you’re the wizard of embedding video links, for that I’m VERY thankful. Can ya believe that shit? Mitch should haul Dorsey (and Zuck the Fuck again) before Congress to ream them some new ones.

    • Christopher Lettiere
      August 8, 2019 at 3:02 pm

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    August 8, 2019 at 1:41 pm

    Is stuffed crust pizza a thing? It sounds mouth-watering!

    • Christopher Lettiere
      August 8, 2019 at 2:25 pm

      Hillary loves pizza.

  • someone giving you good advice
    August 8, 2019 at 1:32 pm

    stop calling kids “crotch fruit”

    • murdochpatsymcreynolds
      Old Tom Morris
      August 8, 2019 at 1:45 pm

      I wonder if STD Girl has any crotch fruits of her qwn.

    • John Wypyszinski
      Better Advice
      August 8, 2019 at 2:23 pm

      How about we just call YOU fruit, ya snowflake?

      • go ahead
        August 8, 2019 at 3:35 pm

        not a snowflake, the term crotch fruit just isn’t funny, at all. Its little things like this that hold the blog back. I like reading this blog, just giving my opinion.

    • Peter Dautel
      Don Key Punch
      August 8, 2019 at 3:40 pm

      Hey Bozo: Check yerself. Merriam Webster defines fruit as “OFFSPRING, PROGENY the fruit of the womb.”

      rotten fruit

  • hartf811
    August 8, 2019 at 1:28 pm

    Oh the deeper story will be glorifying in all of its ratchet madness.

  • Clarence Woods Emerson
    My mom
    August 8, 2019 at 1:27 pm

    There’s plenty of kids that are shitty and it’s not the parents fault. My little sister would screw the second she saw someone looked away. My parents never had an issue with me tho. That’s what they make child leashes for

    • Captain Trips
      Your sisters number
      August 8, 2019 at 11:36 pm

      What’s her number?

      Hey mom! look at that!

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