Reader Emails

Hoodrat Messages Desk Girl The DAY She Got Out Of Jail For Starting The Sturbridge Walmart Fire, Plans To Sue, Hilarity Ensues 

The smartest thing you can do when, you’ve been released from jail, for trying to burn down Walmart, is message Desk Girl and threaten to sue.

4ba27317-991b-4352-b70d-f489eadcfdef (1)

Click the pic to vote for Turtleboy Sports for best local news outlet.

Click the pic to vote for Turtleboy Sports for best local news outlet.

Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.




The past couple days have been filled with dead bunnies and snoring babysitters. Let’s lighten it up a bit shall we? I hate sending you guys to work grumpy.

Now, I haven’t figured out why Desk Girl hasn’t realized we check all of her correspondence with these ratchets from the inbox. Probably because she doesn’t read the blog. She’s like a lot of you bleeding heart snowflakes out there who always tell me I’m too mean. Pussies.

So, one of the older Turtleboys wrote about Maiya Cruz.

The Fact That The Hoodrat Chick Who Burned Down The Sturbridge Walmart Is From Southbridge Is The Least Surprising News Ever

She was the chick that lit the Sturbridge Wal-Mart on fire and made headlines for it. She’s the one Brett said queefed near the propane tanks and nearly blew the place up?  Remember her? If you’re having a hard time recalling it, that’s because it happened last September. It happened before Deskie and I started here.

Well, Maiya, with the vagina fart flame-thrower, got out of jail today. She decided her first move out of the clink was to find those God damn Turtleboys and threaten a lawsuit.
Can you imagine sitting in jail, your mom is on the other side of the glass, and she’s trying to convey the insults we threw at you?

Maiya sits in her cell, pining for revenge, and she think of all the things you’re going to say to these bloggers that tore her down. 

This was the best she came up with: Now, I was watching Abi try and search for this blog. She thought it was normal one that had just been published. Oh no. Friggan September. You can almost hear the confusion in Abi’s typing. Oh, you want to overshare, Queen Fire Ratch? You have no clue who you just bumped in to.

Also, most people who are suicidal don’t message blogs to talk about it. So much for us treating the crazies in jail!

Okay, so she actually just got out of jail, has been there since September, and thinks that we would know who she is off the top of our heads. Right. That explains her after-jail selfie. She looks like the griddle for Tummypancakes. I guess Bae broke up with her. 

I’ve got to give it to Deskie. She has this uncanny ability to get people to relate with her. You can’t be mean to her because she’s just going to tell you about how mean we are, her latest turd, her vagina getting looked at way too much by a guy who probably isn’t really a doctor, the fucking Pitbulls, and those forms she made up one day and won’t stop sending to people. Wait. Maiya actually wants to be friends with this ginger desk-bound invalid? Are you kidding me? These two are bonding over a message that started with a lawsuit. How is this even happening?

I had to send this to South Shore Turtlemom because she thinks Abi is hysterical. Even I couldn’t believe what was transpiring.

Oh, and here comes the “how I started working here” sob story. Deskie is lying. The actual writers of the blog have zero soul unless you’re a kid or an animal. I’ll fight anyone who disagrees. annnnd there’s the poop and gyno tale. 

Maiya never sent in the form but left with a sense of completion. She had found her resolve with Turtleboy.

At least until she sees this. I kind of can’t wait for the next of the Turtle Shamed to get out of Framingham and message us. It really changed up the day!

Until next time! 



We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them none of this is possible. Click on any of them to check out their sites or Facebook pages.

Screen Shot 2017-02-27 at 10.10.12 AM

Screen Shot 2017-02-27 at 10.14.48 AM


Screen Shot 2017-02-01 at 10.32.58 AM

Screen Shot 2015-12-28 at 1.20.12 PM

Screen Shot 2015-12-01 at 10.29.56 AM

4ba27317-991b-4352-b70d-f489eadcfdef (1)

24 Comment(s)
  • Wabbitt
    March 23, 2017 at 10:58 am

    There ain’t nobody making tummy pancakes over that flaming fupasloth.

  • ernie
    March 23, 2017 at 9:31 am

    Desk Girl, that was hilarious….lmao you rock!!!

  • Brad
    March 23, 2017 at 8:13 am

    Say what you will but as arsonists go, she is fine.

  • Badone
    March 23, 2017 at 7:54 am

    I ❤Deskgirl!

  • Brian Albrecht
    March 23, 2017 at 7:41 am

    Honestly I feel like this was just in bad taste. Is she a retard? Thats rhetorical question…. she lists her mental illness that I diagnosed her with to buy my xanax. Why not just end the conversation there? SouthShoreSquirtingGirl as someone who cucks snowflakes on a daily basis, just ask Michael Duggan LOL WHERE YOU AT DUGGAN? Don’t step out the crib barefoot! HAHAH. I still find this just rude to do to her.. oh yeah would.

    TURDBURGLESTEIN YOU UP FROM YOUR BENZO INDUCED HIBERNATION FAT FUCKING PUSSY? I’m feeling mean today. YOU WANT TO MEET UP OR WHAT? i’ll push your shit in another 6 inches. alright little guy?



    • Turd Burglestein
      March 23, 2017 at 8:10 am

      Oh Hai Brian…you’re up early today. How about a nice cup of go fuck yourself to get your day started?

      ……..(‘(…´…´…. ¯~/’…’)
      ……….”…………. _.·´

    • Turd Burglestein
      March 23, 2017 at 8:24 am

      Oh, and Brian…the only squirt you will ever get out of any girl ever is from a can of mace you skinny little tiny dicked punk ass bitch.

      • Brian Albrecht
        March 23, 2017 at 8:41 am

        Lets throw down then!! god youre such a fucking pussy. I know you think about me day and night. You wanna meet on the south shore, or whatever piece of shit town you live in? I’m a punk ass bitch? Say it to my face then tough guy. I’ll make you wish you never found this shitty blog.

        • I Hate Stupid People
          March 23, 2017 at 10:46 am

          I was all excited I thought you had choked on a bag of dicks and died. It was so nice with the #WeymouthSwitchMaster around bragging about being the #QueenOfWeymouth. Go troll another site you #WeymouthCumStain. We don’t give a fuck about how tough you think you are. We all know you have a #SmalCock from all the #Steroids you do either that or this is your monthly #Menstruation. Unless you wanna comment on the articles STFU. I know you wanna come beat me up cause you are so #WeymouthGay. You aren’t worth the time or energy.

  • Dunks
    March 23, 2017 at 7:39 am

    I would smash it

    • JoeMomma
      March 23, 2017 at 7:54 am

      Double wrap the weiner in plastic first……..

  • Bob
    March 23, 2017 at 3:45 am

    Hilarious article.
    It read to me as if DeskGirl was masterfully trolling the arsonist.

  • Twat tickler
    March 23, 2017 at 2:57 am

    She’s hot AF, i would

    • Brian Albrecht
      March 23, 2017 at 9:01 am

      Haha I knew you were a hoe. Bitch
      I know it’s you

      • Tarbash The Egyptian Magician
        March 23, 2017 at 9:11 am



  • Sterling Turtle Rider
    March 23, 2017 at 2:29 am

    I’ve gotta say, for someone who claims to have so many mental health problems, she communicates much more clearly than most of the people from this place. She is almost sympathetic just based on the fact that grammar and spelling makes her seem halfway intelligent… damn these slipping standards these days!

    • Chuck
      March 23, 2017 at 8:41 am

      Right, looks good too.

  • Wabbitt
    March 23, 2017 at 1:29 am

    Says it’s all lies. Was in jail for the thing the blog was about.

    You cannot make this shit up…

    Fucking Southbridge man. I was passing through there the other day. Stopped at a gas station so my associate could drop a growler, and this lot lizard was sitting against the propane tank ripping butts. We got the fuck​ out before she goes the place sky high like the MegaLo Mart on King of the Hill.

    • Twat tickler
      March 23, 2017 at 2:56 am

      Lol i love you wabbit. I’m glad you’re back from sabbatical. <3

    • March 23, 2017 at 9:36 am

      That part had me laughing so hard I actually did squirt….. my Diet Coke out of my nose.

      • Wabbitt
        March 23, 2017 at 10:30 am

        Oh man SSTG – no innuendo. I already want to plow you like a Worcester street.


        • March 23, 2017 at 11:05 am

          Haha I know! Brian keeps making squirt jokes and I thought I would do a play on words. The plow thing is better though! ❤️

          • Wabbitt
            March 23, 2017 at 1:02 pm

            If you ever feel the need to cheat on your husband with a guy with a short dick who’ll cum in 30 seconds – give me a call.

  • Dale I'm Fucking banned from facebook for telling the pedo to commit suicide
    March 23, 2017 at 12:40 am

    Juses Crust.

Comment on this Post


Guest Blog: Janay Rice Can’t Stop Tweeting About Adrian Peterson Kicking The Shit Out Of His Kid
Guest Blog: Minnesota Moron Wears Worst Adrian Peterson Outfit Ever
This Ice Dancing Guy Hates Turtleboy Sports So Much I Can’t Help But Respect Him