All-Star Criminals

Hopkinton Hog Jockeys Fight Cops Who Tried Interrupting Their Noodz Sociable With Dog at 6:30 AM


This is Mariel Kinney and her taco stuffer Kevin Pinto from Hopkinton.

They apparently don’t like wearing clothes while taking their dogs for a walk, which was problematic for them yesterday.

Source: An early morning nude walk on Monday eventually led to a fight with cops and a Hopkinton couple facing numerous charges, authorities said. Police arrested Mariel Kinney, 32, and Kevin Pinto, 30, after the 6:30 a.m. incident on Hayden Rowe Street.

“It was kind of wild,” said Police Chief Joseph Bennett. “It wasn’t the typical day in Hopkinton, that’s for sure. They were buck naked.”

Police went to Hayden Rowe Street after receiving calls about two naked people walking a dog. Officers saw Kinney and Pinto, who were completely nude, walking down the street with a medium-sized black dog named Lucy.

“According to the officers she is a very good dog,” Bennett said.

Questioned if they were OK and why they were unclothed, Kinney and Pinto either said they didn’t want to answer or answered incoherently, Bennett said. During questioning, the couple yelled and swore at the officers, resisting any efforts of “de-escalation,” the chief said.

“There was a short foot pursuit,” said Bennett. “Both (people) ran when they were told they were going to be arrested.”

Police caught up to the pair who struggled violently. Pinto struck officers several times with the heel of his palm, while Kinney also struck officers. One officer was taken to a local hospital to be treated for minor injuries. He has since been released and is at home recovering.

“I’m grateful no one was seriously injured in a very volatile situation,” Bennett said.

Police arrested Kinney and Pinto, of 6 Hazel Road, and charged them with indecent exposure, assault and battery on a police officer, disturbing the peace, disorderly conduct and resisting arrest.

Best part of that story:

“According to the officers she is a very good dog,” Bennett said.


If a dude and a chick are walking around town a la mode and they both start running away from the cops, how do the cops decide who runs after and then wrestles the chick and who runs after the dude? Seems like one of them is way better to the other. Maybe they should’ve just called a social worker instead.

There’s no way this was their first Adam and Eve walk either. You don’t just randomly decide to wake up on a Monday at 6:30 and take the dog for a walk in your birthday suit. Which begs the question, how has no one ever noticed them doing this before? Not only were they proud to do it, they were willing to fight the cops for their right to. It’s not a random occurrence, it’s a lifestyle. She looks like a hippie chick, went to UMass, and studied psychology, so the odds that she would one day reject clothing were pretty high to begin with.

Anyway, if they wanna come on the live show to explain why they think this is a normal way to live then hit me up on Facebook at Clarence Woods Emerson or email


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55 Comment(s)
  • Johnny P
    July 29, 2020 at 1:07 pm

    Obviously still tweaking on something from the night before. Why can’t people just stick to some weed and a few beers???

  • Snowflake Kicker
    July 29, 2020 at 9:30 am

    How come it’s always the ugliest women around that want to walk around naked? Do they honestly think some hunk is gonna go “oh yeah! I gotta get me some of that ass” lol hahahahaha

  • Matty the inbred PUG
    July 29, 2020 at 4:58 am

    So what the slut wanted to air out her cunt. I mean I wouldn’t fuck her becuse she looks like a slam pig! But I would mind seeing what the pussy looks like.

  • Jam out with Your Clam Out
    July 29, 2020 at 2:29 am

    Probably either hippie nudists or it’s some kind of exhibitionist fetish.

    The bit about the dog cracked me up.

  • Steven
    July 29, 2020 at 12:05 am

    These people get to vote.. how sad

  • Mr. Mackey, mmm'kaaaayyy
    July 28, 2020 at 11:30 pm

    Let this be a lesson to you, kids.

    Bath salts are NOT a good part of a morning hygiene regimen.

  • Do The Reich Thing
    July 28, 2020 at 10:55 pm

    And these fucking selfie photos too! Them and the realtor harassing douche bags. I would go back in time and kill the first person to use a cell phone to take a selfie.

  • Do the curtains match the carpet?
    July 28, 2020 at 9:53 pm

    Any pics of the red head nude? Do the curtains match the carpet?

  • I see animals
    July 28, 2020 at 9:52 pm

    Confusing. Which of the 4 of these were animals? I see 4 animals not 2

  • Steven Tyler, 1973
    July 28, 2020 at 8:29 pm

    Mary Mary, quite contrary
    How does your garden grow
    With silver bells and itty bitty bitty white shells
    And Pretty maids all in a row
    Walkin’ the dog
    Just a-walkin’ the dog
    Well if you don’t know how to do it
    I’ll show you how to walk the dog
    Well if you don’t know how to do it
    I’ll show you how to walk the dog

  • Do The Reich Thing
    July 28, 2020 at 8:21 pm

    Again with the fucking crayola hair! What the hell is wrong with these people?

  • whatevuh
    July 28, 2020 at 8:18 pm

    are there section 8 apartments in Hopkinton? No way these two losers own a house in that town

  • Dr. Fauci
    July 28, 2020 at 8:04 pm

    Were they wearing their masks?

    • Leah Mertes
      July 29, 2020 at 9:43 am

      word is there was a string dangling between her legs

  • Frank
    July 28, 2020 at 7:54 pm

    Meth or mushrooms?

    • george costanza
      The angry taint
      July 28, 2020 at 8:20 pm


      • Luke Fondleberg (Deez/Doze)
        Michael Tyson
        July 31, 2020 at 2:19 am

        I’d appreciate you dethitht from mocking the way I thpeak. I prefer to circumthise the thubject and fade into Bolivian.

  • Crispy C
    July 28, 2020 at 7:45 pm

    Nose ring = lunatic. It’s science.

  • North of the Border
    July 28, 2020 at 6:54 pm

    Yup, further proof that the ones most likely to go au natural are the ones who really, REALLY shouldn’t be doing it.

  • Lucy
    July 28, 2020 at 6:46 pm

    It was fun! Woof

  • Guinea Geisha
    July 28, 2020 at 6:12 pm

    Drunk. Naked. Dog. Beach. This whole thing couldn’t be more Ted Kennedy if the bitch drowned.

  • Just Guessing
    July 28, 2020 at 5:29 pm

    I’m guessing the parents refused to do the laundry for these two young’uns ..

  • Stewart Nod
    July 28, 2020 at 5:20 pm

    This is vintage TB. Thank you for the comic relief…I needed this.

  • Mel Beano
    July 28, 2020 at 5:00 pm

    Was the DOG naked too ?

    • Snarky Pete
      July 28, 2020 at 5:26 pm

      He had on a fur coat so no

    • Captain Trips
      Captain Trips
      July 28, 2020 at 5:30 pm

      More mentally ill leftist Trump-haters.


  • US Senator John Blutarsky
    July 28, 2020 at 4:54 pm

    We have Pinto here, Kent Dorfman in the other story. This is great!

    • Douglas Niedermeyer
      July 28, 2020 at 5:38 pm

      They’re all worthless and weak

  • Nice dog
    July 28, 2020 at 4:48 pm

    It’s getting harder and harder to get attention and break through the social media clutter. Simply chanting BLM doesn’t cut it anymore; been there, done that. Sounds like these two were so unattractive with their clothes off that the dog stole the show. Good luck keeping the pressure on ’till election day (yawn).

  • The Vorlon
    Kosh Naranek
    July 28, 2020 at 4:24 pm

    Why do I think bad ice cubes were involved?

  • Rockets Redglare
    July 28, 2020 at 4:13 pm

    Move to Brattleboro VT. It’s legal to leave your home nude. You just can’t leave your house with clothes on then take them off in public. Strange but true…

    • No way
      July 28, 2020 at 4:51 pm

      I don’t care, I’d call the police if I saw Bernie Sanders nude outside his house.

      • North of the Border
        July 28, 2020 at 6:57 pm

        Before or after you ran the cheese grater over your eyes and brain?

  • ninja turtleboy
    July 28, 2020 at 4:08 pm

    they live in a $750,000 home but they don’t have any clothes!? why are they in their 30’s and living with her parents? kinda jealous honestly

    • Snowflake kicker
      July 29, 2020 at 9:31 am

      Why? Because they are LOSERS!

  • Norm
    July 28, 2020 at 4:07 pm

    Was the dog naked too? Barbaric! At least they don’t eat dogs like Obama did when he attended madrasa.

  • Dis Be Raciss Yo
    July 28, 2020 at 3:40 pm

    Pinto bean isnt white.

  • Karls Sausage Kitchen
    July 28, 2020 at 3:25 pm

    Something tells me this dog hits her balloon knot and has
    a peanut butter popsicle for dessert.

  • New boot goofin'
    July 28, 2020 at 3:24 pm

    Be good fathers to your daughters.

  • juror seven esq.
    July 28, 2020 at 3:01 pm

    Call MSPCA, have the dog removed from the home.

  • Max Giarusso is a pickle smoocher
    July 28, 2020 at 2:58 pm

    And on a completely different note…… I just drove past Hingham police station about 45 mins ago. Was a good sized blue lives matter protest on one side of the street, on the other a small gathering of pukes and degenerates with the blm signs. Honked and waved the whole way thru for the American patriots, not the useless scum. Probably about 4-1 or 5-1 blue lives to blm.

    • Max Giarusso is a pickle smoocher
      July 28, 2020 at 7:01 pm

      Oh. Also saw the large fire apparatus and it was flying old glory and the blue lives flag. Fuck you max, the good guys win this one.

  • Shemp
    July 28, 2020 at 2:51 pm

    My God ! What were they thinking ?……NO FACE MASKS !!!!

  • hartf811
    Heinrich Himmler
    July 28, 2020 at 2:49 pm

    Meth has reached the suburbs. Poor dog.

  • Snarky Pete
    July 28, 2020 at 2:41 pm

    I hope that poor dog doesn’t have a peanut allergy…

  • AOC
    July 28, 2020 at 2:30 pm

    Haven’t the pigs anything better to do? Apparently not. And why didn’t the cop on the chick’s back say the usual “stop resisting?”

  • The Spic Tormentor
    Spic Tormentor
    July 28, 2020 at 2:25 pm

    They neighbors should be thanking them.The pungent smell from that gross chicks vagina had to have killed off a large majority of the mosquito population

    • Truth
      July 28, 2020 at 2:44 pm

      Traffic will start picking up in that neighborhood. Pervs are all Google Map-ping to find out where Hayden Rowe Street is.

  • Now that is one Pinto
    July 28, 2020 at 2:14 pm

    That I want to see in a fiery explosion!

  • Kris20
    July 28, 2020 at 2:13 pm

    I understand yesterday was the hottest day of the year but come on lol! Not a good idea airing out the family jewels. Probably certifiable vegans too and they’re practicing for the next “PETA” protest.

  • Calm WhiteDad
    July 28, 2020 at 2:08 pm

    Considering her obvious oxy/heroin/methadone addiction, her skin looks great.

    Something about junkies just gets me nearly no-touch-semi-hard. Maybe it’s the daddy issue. Maybe it’s the below market raw dawg aryan cum dump package. Probably a combo.

      July 28, 2020 at 8:36 pm

      I’ll tell you what it is with these sweet little junkies…. Bodyfat comparable to a college cheerleader… Total focus on endorphins… The certainty that they have to give, if they want to get… Oh, and don’t forget, they are unencumbered by moral codes….

      • Calm WhiteDad
        July 29, 2020 at 7:32 am

        Fuck, that is it. Now explain my boner when they shoot up in front of me.

        Angry Giant is going to make my therapist unemployed.

        • ANGRY GIANT
          July 30, 2020 at 9:53 am

          Your physical reaction is easy to understand. You know these little girls, and that life has been hard to them, and that they’ve also made bad choices on the way. And you are not judgmental about it.

          You see her medicating herself, allowing her a respite from the pain of her life. And she is next going to want an honest pleasure, from a hard man. And you are there, for her, standing at the ready. Just like James Bond for the Bond girls.

          You are heroic in giving these girls perhaps the only true love they’ve ever known. Damn, you are a good man! 🙂

  • Dr Doolittle
    July 28, 2020 at 2:07 pm

    Any doubt she likes to do the ‘ol peanut butter on the nether regions for a special doggie treat

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