All-Star Criminals

If You Wear A Chicago Bulls Hat And You Have A Vokestache You’re Probably Gonna End Up Killing Someone Like This Asshat

4ba27317-991b-4352-b70d-f489eadcfdef (1)

Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.

Our Facebook page is suspended again, so make sure you to LIKE THE LOST BOYS OF TURTLE Facebook page to keep up with our latest blogs.

Our Facebook page is suspended again, so make sure you to LIKE THE LOST BOYS OF TURTLE Facebook page to keep up with our latest blogs.






We are going to start this blog with a public service announcement. If you haven’t noticed by now, if you see anyone wearing a flat brim Bulls hat, RUN the hell away. And fast. The life you save may be your own. Remember the early 90s when every two bit gangster had a Raiders hat? Well the Bulls flat brim is this generations flashing neon wanksta sign that says “some shit is about to go down”.

Screen Shot 2017-01-16 at 10.14.42 PM

Now let’s get to today’s ward of the state gutter slug wanksta who will now be serving 45 years with some real gangstas in the New Hampshire State prison after his sentencing Thursday morning. Jonathan Goff of Nashua was 18 years old in 2015 when him and his 20 year old chode wannabe Rasta boy Stephan Peno decided to randomly jump a man to steal his wallet on a Nashua bike bath. The man they jumped was 49 year old Benjamin Marcum, a Navy veteran out for a walk. Not only did they steal Benjamin Marcum’s wallet then they decided to stomp and stab Marcum 26 times And leave him in the path to die in a pool of his blood.



NH Leader: Peno, 21, of Nashua, along with Jonathan Goff, 18, also of Nashua, are accused of assaulting Marcum, stomping on his head, face and chest and stabbing him with a knife in the torso, leg, shoulder and head during the March 12, 2015 attack, says court records.

Well now Jonathan will be wishing he didn’t live that thug life. Just look at this waste of skin:


Flat brim hat, Vokestache, and a mirror selfie. This is the trifecta of Dooshnozzles everywhere. If he only was showing his six pack abs off we would have had him in the Wanksta Hall of Shame. He is throwing up what looks to be the gang symbol for Westside Nashua. Or the shockers he’s about to be getting from his bunk mate.

Have fun rotting in prison. See ya when you’re 66 years old. The union leader also had reported the name this dickface went by in the mean streets of Southern NH –

Goff, whose nickname posted on his personal Facebook page is “Often Hated King,” had completed a two-year probation for an undisclosed offense just prior to his arrest for the alleged murder of Marcum. 

“Often Hated King.” There is not a doubt in my mind this was given to him the day he was shit out by his mother who instantly dropped him off at the orphanage.


Screen Shot 2017-01-16 at 10.22.16 PM



We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them none of this is possible. Click on any of them to check out their sites or Facebook pages.


Screen Shot 2015-12-01 at 10.29.56 AM

4ba27317-991b-4352-b70d-f489eadcfdef (1)

Screen Shot 2015-12-28 at 1.20.12 PM


Follow us on Twitter and like us on Facebook"Click

8 Comment(s)
  • dan tRul
    January 17, 2017 at 8:33 pm

    The victim DIED and all these two asswipes are getting is 45 years? Whatever happened to LIFE in prison? Ohhh…let me guess. Second degree because they didn’t MEAN to KILL him when they stomped on him and STABBED him 26 times. FUCK THAT…IT’S PREMEDITATED MURDER. MURDER IN THE FIRST. ROT IN HELL WITH AN ASS FULL OF PRISON CUM. I HOPE SOMEONE TEARS YOUR ASSHOLE WIDE OPEN. FUCKERS!

  • Sloppy
    January 17, 2017 at 10:37 am

    That kid is gonna have an ass tulip wis first week in the joint.

    • Sloppy
      January 17, 2017 at 10:37 am


  • Turd Burglestein
    January 17, 2017 at 10:34 am

    There needs to be 2 holes for the shocker to work, so either this guy gets a state funded sex change to make this happen or he’s just gonna have to be satisfied with a good fisting instead.

    Unless one of his new friends on the inside can manage to jam 2 fingers up his pee pee hole…and I sure hope this can be done.

  • JoeMomma
    January 17, 2017 at 10:26 am

    He’s going to love prison. He’ll have a new boyfriend every night.

  • Fresh meat
    January 17, 2017 at 10:03 am

    Kid, Have a fun summer.

  • Dick Dover
    January 17, 2017 at 10:02 am

    I lived in Chicago. Its a tough city, real tough. 4,379 shot, 800 killed in 2016 alone. These kids here wouldn’t make it to the corner there, let alone puberty.
    I suggest they go there sometime, to get validated by some locals.

  • Joe Shmidlap
    January 17, 2017 at 9:47 am

    I just don’t get what people’s obsession with Chicago Bulls hats are…. they haven’t been good since Jordan left in 98…..

Comment on this Post


White Trash Hero Wears T-Shirt With His Mugshot On It From Last Time He Was Arrested At Latest Mugshot Photoshoot
Tsarnaev Sister Threatened Boyfriend’s Ex With A Bomb Because She’s A Muslim Terrorist And A Tsarnaev And This Is What They Do Best
Ladies Night At TBSports: Will Women Read Our Official Rankings Of NFL Teams Blog?