All-Star Criminals

Jizz Kareefa Gets Arrested For Defending Crotch Fruit’s Honor In Chicopee Walmart Checkout Line, Sperm Sponge Girlfriend Professes Love On CPD Facebook Page 

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It wouldn’t be a Monday afternoon trip to the Chicopee Walmart if there wasn’t a hoodrat brawl involving dozens of people shouting “free muh boi.”

Dayquan. Cumby.

If your last name is the place where junior hoodboogers go to buy blunts and scratch tickets, you’re almost pre-destined to get arrested at the Chicopee Walmart for starting a fight and calling police officers pigs who were planning on letting you go with a warning.

Looks like he might be a white supremacist too.

Isn’t that what Vox tells us every time someone makes a circle with their fingers?

You’ll notice that despite living in a section 8 barrio in Springfield, he still goes for the $200 sneakers and chains. Because…priorities.

Of course when your last name is Cumby going to court is just kind of part of life. Because he literally was in court a week ago today.

Where he from they don’t snitch. And obviously things are going great for him where he from, so you should definitely model your behavior after him.

Shockingly he was not the least bit fazed about his most recent charge.

You’d think that such a loyal guy would have the homies lined up to bail him out, but evidently it doesn’t work that way.

If you live by the “no snitching” code, and all the people you’re protecting live by the “no bail money” code, you may want to reconsider your overall philosophy on life. Just sayin.

Either way, he had no choice but to fight someone in the Walmart, and then proceed to yell racial slurs at police officers outside, because someone tried to “DISRESPECT MY KID.”

Clearly this upstanding individual was in a fine position to reproduce. Once his rap album goes platinum he’ll be able to afford car insurance and he can finally stop selling shitty weed to AIC students.

Who can’t relate to his predicament though? I know when someone disrespects my crotch fruit while grocery shopping I expect my husband to make sure they finna cash deez handz. There will be no disrespecting of the children at Chicopee Walmart. Everyone knows that.

Looks like his smash muffin agrees.

“I love you n have a lot of respect for you not a lot of men go hard for their kids.”

Girl, I feel you. I wouldn’t want to have my sperm sponge fertilized by someone who doesn’t start fights at Walmart when someone be looking at my raw dog trophy the wrong way. If these are the sort of things you value in a man then you’ve got a lot of great things ahead of you in life. Like romantic getaways to abandoned parking lots.

Bedsheet curtains next to the futon that you call a bed.

And copious amounts of Snapchat filters.

If that’s not living I don’t know what is.

Meanwhile over on the Chicopee Police Department Facebook page the free muh boi mafia was out in full force, led by Booger McFuckbag.

Here’s what he had to say.

Evidently he was upset that over 50 people were “trying to tell the officer that the other person started the whole fight and they don’t listen they take the person who is mad that he got jump on while waiting in line with his kids and girlfriend.”

Because everyone knows that if 50 people in flat brimmed hats start shouting “he dindu nuffin” at the top of their lungs, the officers are compelled to arrest someone else.

Don’t fuck with him either, because the CPD “knows me very well.”

If your crowning achievement in life is that you’re on a first name basis with the Chicopee Police Department, then there’s a good chance you’re never moving out of Springfield. And if you have a problem with that, you can meet up with him to settle your beef. Just not after 2.

His boy’s being featured on an episode of Judge Joe Brown and he can’t DVR it.

This is why I go to the Walmart in Hadley. It’s worth the extra drive to avoid ending up in a World Star Hiphop video.

22 Comment(s)
  • finkelsteinkid
    January 16, 2019 at 6:52 am

    That’s a bunch of ratchet MF’ers. Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeet.

  • Dick Hertz from Holden
    January 15, 2019 at 7:06 pm

    And this is why I go to work, make my 80K, go on nice vacations, and stay in my lily white neighborhood . . . where there are no gunshots, no stabbings, no break ins, no shit-stain rappers, just nice clean white privilege . . . . MAGA

  • Deval Patricks’s closet nale liver
    January 15, 2019 at 6:37 pm

    TBS talk? Another giant drain on taxpayers pockets right here

  • Big Wick
    January 15, 2019 at 6:09 pm

    SNORT! Ya can’t make this sh*t up!

    “Dayquan Cumby is with Titus Preston”

    Titus say “Dayquan Cumby my boi toi.”

    God bless TB, magnifying misbehaving miscreants masquerading as members of mankind.

  • DNA
    January 15, 2019 at 6:03 pm

    You really sat down and took time to make a page talking a whole lot of nothing about someone else and went and through their whole profile lol you really must having no life. No one loves you. You talk bad about others just to uplift yourself your pathetic.

    • This Is It?
      January 15, 2019 at 8:05 pm

      Based on your atrocious spelling I would say you might have made it through 5th grade. The irony is your username; please don’t pass it on.

    • Basic Punctuation
      January 15, 2019 at 9:01 pm

      DNA – thanks for the sentegraph.

  • Yuck
    January 15, 2019 at 5:32 pm

    I went to the Chicopee Walmart after relocating to this area about eight years ago. The wife and I went in, took inventory of the fucking gutter slugs in there, grabbed some shit and got right the fuck out. Never to return. That place is the ghetto of Walmarts. It was straight up filled with hood rats and scumbags. Apparently, it still is.

    • z
      January 15, 2019 at 6:57 pm

      Chicopee may be more dangerous, but the Springfield one feels like a Baghdad street bazaar.

      The said part is, is that the vast majority of people in the stores, just want to buy their shit like you do and leave. Doesn’t matter what their name is and what the color or their skin is.

      They know these places can be shit shows, but what are you supposed to do? Buy your groceries at Big Y where you get to be financially raped for the exact same items? Big Y used to have a program to help schools and students out, maybe still does. Of course Big Y could. They charged such fucking high prices it was easy.

      K-Mart for everything else? My mom would ask me to take her to the Holyoke K-Mart when she was in her 80s. It was a relatively nice place when my dad retired 20+ years previous when they would take a drive and do some shopping. That fuck-hole makes the Chicopee WalMart look like Nordstrom. I wouldn’t let her out of my sight in K-Mart.

    • whatevuh
      January 15, 2019 at 7:09 pm

      Try the one on Rt 146 in Worcester, it’s like walking into fucking Somalia

  • home slice popcorn boys
    January 15, 2019 at 5:15 pm

    Monday is national N*gga’ day… they just getting warmed up for a chimp out….

    not the content of your character but the color of skin.. like Rodney king said.

  • Mike Hunt
    January 15, 2019 at 4:54 pm

    ‘BOFFUUMMEEM’

    in all of the years of reading ebonics I have never been this stumped. “both of them” maybe?

  • z
    January 15, 2019 at 4:20 pm

    My nephews best friend in High School was named Dayquan. Was a Baltimore cop for awhile. Now a cop in his hometown. Good kid. His older brother – not so much. It’s just a name.

    That being said, the Chicopee Wal-Mart has been in the top 10 most dangerous category. The cops were called 1294 times in 2015. Though I’d rate the Springfield one right up there also. My local one in Westfield seems pretty safe though you do have to keep an eye on the pajama wearers. I’m surprised the Chicopee cops don’t just open a sub-station in that place.

    Wasn’t it a year ago Easter when 2 guys wearing pink dress shirts started wailing on each other in the check out line in Chicopee? Also, a few years ago wasn’t there a shit-fest at the Dennys a couple of hundred feet away?

  • Sick of these Ratchet Fucks
    January 15, 2019 at 4:19 pm

    Fucking savages. Can’t speak, can’t spell, can’t get jobs. It’s basically a bunch of Bushmen running around making noise. Fuckin jungle rats. Apes are superior to these Jigaboos.

  • Roger
    January 15, 2019 at 4:13 pm

    The sign he’s making is a typical gang sign of the bloods. So clearly we have a winner here folks! I’ve watched enough gangland on the history channel to know this as a fact!

  • keyona Renaud​​
    January 15, 2019 at 4:06 pm

    Can we change your name to pig boy, everything you say is so gross. Nobody even knows who you are yet you sit here “exposing” people. Get a life your jokes aren’t funny, majority of your articles are poorly written. They only people who actually enjoy anything you write are the inbred hillbilly chicopee residents that hangout at the atlas and my brother’s place. Oh and I know how you love to “expose” people who call you out, just know if it comes to that I’m so not afraid pig boy.

    • PhilSimmsSucks
      January 15, 2019 at 5:15 pm

      One more time in English, please, pig girl.

    • finkelsteinkid
      January 16, 2019 at 6:57 am

      English, bitch. Do you speak it?

  • Y
    January 15, 2019 at 3:21 pm

    DayQuann has a soundcloud (no sh!t):
    soundcloud.com/user-169574731

  • Hoodbooger heaven
    January 15, 2019 at 3:12 pm

    I’m sure dayquan was just mad cuz he ended up missing a shift at work.

  • The angry taint
    January 15, 2019 at 2:55 pm

    Of course her name is destiny what else could it be?….dude looks like lafawnda’s little brother

    • Y
      January 15, 2019 at 3:00 pm

      Next on the stage, we have Ms. Behavior.

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