All-Star Criminals

Leominster Boo Boo Baby Bitch Gets Dumped, Hunts Down Ex-Gf With Bat For Hanging Out With His Friend, Gets Arrested, Blames Her On Facebook, Threatens To Kill People

Leominster Boo Boo Baby Bitch Gets Dumped, Hunts Down Ex-Gf With Bat For Hanging Out With His Friend, Gets Arrested, Blames Her On Facebook, Threatens To Kill People

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Sentinel and EnterpriseA Leominster man was arrested Thursday evening after burglarizing his ex-girlfriend’s apartment while she was home watching the Patriot’s game with her new boyfriend, according to police. Colton Brown, 19, of 99 Colburn St. was arrested on charges of unarmed burglary, three counts of vandalism, threatening to commit a crime, assault with a dangerous weapon, failure to stop for police, and failure to stop or yield, said police Capt. Harry Hess.

Brown entered his ex-girlfriend’s Crown Street apartment in Fitchburg at about 9 p.m. Thursday and attempted to strike the victim’s new boyfriend, said Hess. Brown was forcibly removed from the residence by the new boyfriend and several other occupants, said Hess, but returned later with a baseball bat that he used to repeatedly strike the apartment’s front door and threaten the apartment’s occupants. Hess said that Brown left the area after police were called, but returned approximately and hour later and allegedly vandalized his ex-girlfriend’s car.

Gee whiz, can’t figure out why she dumped his ass. He seems like such a catch!! Hey shithead, you’re 19 years old. Ya know what happens when you’re 19 years old? You get dumped. It’s part of life. You take the hit, you hurt your feels, it toughens you up, and then you go and find nicer tail to chase. There’s a lot of chicks out there. I know you think you were probably in love and you were gonna get married and all that shit, but that’s not how life works. You’re not a Duggar.

Anyway, if you’re arrested and humiliated like this in the local newspaper, the last thing you should do is go on Facebook and share the article about it. But that’s exactly what this genius elected to do:

hdyafm (Hey dude, you’re a fucking moron)

Poor baby, he got his dinky juiced, she said she loved him, and now he’s got the sads because she gave his buddy a Jim Dandy. But ruined your life? Dude, you got dumped. Everyone gets dumped. Granted it’s unfortunate that your ex decided to move onto your buddy. But anyone who wants to go jumping in the ex-gf pond isn’t much of a friend to begin with. Now you know that. Time to get new friends. Luckily it looks like you’ve got a backup free my boi crew ready to rock:

And Mateo Furtado seems like a real winner too:

Free the manz!!

Mateo has earned the right to freely use the n word since he has dark hair and refers to himself as “Cop Killa”:

Mateo, the only thing you’re killing is property value.

Mundo Green’s got his homeslice’s back too:

Oh yea, people who are “talking shit” are the ones who look like clowns. Not Mundo though. He’s killing the game!!

Vokstache, wife bater, dog filter, and bathroom selfies. The only think he’s missing is the flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hat and then he’d have hoodrat Bingo. This is definitely the kind of guy you want in your corner when times get tough.

Anyway, Colton was just getting warmed up on Facebook, because evidently he’s trying to make life for his lawyer much more difficult. First he went on to apologize right before he was arrested, but not before busting a caps lock in that bitch:

Wait….is he saying he got jumped? Dude, you went to his mother’s house with a bat. You were outnumbered. How did you imagine this was going to end? Were they supposed to let you bash their brains in to defend her honor? Because apparently you think that once you’ve marked your territory with a chick she’s apparently off limits for chudstuffers everywhere. That’s how things work in real life.

Boo Boo Baby Bitch was just getting warmed up though. According to him today, (after he’s been released from jail and had time to dwell on what an idiot he is) it was her fault that he came over there with a bat and destroyed her car. Ya know, because she was fucking with his head:

Hey dickshit – you’re not admitting to doing something dumb if you still don’t think you’re the cause of it. This was 100% your choice.

“She was asking for it.” – Every rapist ever.

Apparently during their two year fling she became friends with his friends, and now he’s mad because she is continuing that friendship:

Hey Colton, any friend who still wants to hang out with your girlfriend after you guys broke up, never really liked you to begin with. They were probably just using you for your skateboard. But the reality is that she can come around wherever she pleases. Ya know, because….freedom. If you want to avoid her you should probably just stop going to the places where you know she’s present. Or show up with a bat. Whatever you think is best.

Someone tried to point out that there’s plenty of more fish in the sea. He wasn’t trying to hear that though because he spent “mad time with her”

Hey Colton, what’s it like to get dumped? You’re literally the first guy to ever experience that. No one can walk in your shoes because no one amongst us knows what it feels like to be 19 and single again.

Apparently he feels betrayed because she pinky swore she wouldn’t let his friends go spelunking in her ratchet cave:

Hey poopface, it’s not “throwing hands” if you use a bat. And once you guys broke up, you no longer had any say in whose bologna baton she gets to put her on tunafish sandwich. She doesn’t need your approval for anything.

Here’s another thing Colton, you’re gonna be charged for this. And you’re gonna need to show the judge that you’re sorry and you won’t do anything like this again. Whatever you do, don’t escalate it by threatening to kill other people…

Oh yea, that should help.

And definitely challenge as many people as you can to fights too:

Most lawyers would recommend that.

And when he ran out of options he did what every sorry sack of shit who wants people to feel bad for him does:

Threatens to kill himself. These people are the worst. They all watched 13 Reasons Why and now they think they can get pity points if they threaten to end it all. Fuck that. If you do that with Turtleboy we’ll go Michelle Carter on your ass. We’re not gonna talk you off the ledge because we all know you don’t have the balls to do it anyway. You wont.

The bottom line is, this chick didn’t “ruin your life.” You did. But the good news is you’re 19 years old and you have plenty of time to find a new chick who won’t hurt your feels. Just better hope she doesn’t know how to use Google. Because no one wants to date a violent psychopath unless they have a lot of money and don’t make you sign a prenup.


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13 Comment(s)
  • Too Tall Tim
    Too Tall Tim
    September 14, 2017 at 7:02 am

    If the dude (Colton) was an actor he could play a young Elon Musk.

  • Wabbitt
    September 10, 2017 at 8:26 pm

    The only response when one of these idiots says they’re going to kill themselves, “No you arent, you fucking pussy. You’re just crying for attention.”

  • Publius
    September 9, 2017 at 10:40 pm

    How did being ghetto become cool? anyone who aspires to be ghetto and ratchet deserves to be hood and stay there forever.

  • chrissy
    September 9, 2017 at 3:44 am

    this is super sad. i feel super sorry for him like i did for Tim Robbins in Shawshank. I think I’m biased by his looks he looks awwdorable

  • Sterling Turtle Rider
    September 9, 2017 at 12:31 am

    The most shocking part of this story is that the girlfriend lives in Fitchburg, and this psycho lives in Leominster… the odds are 100-1 that it would be the other way around, based only on his behavior alone.
    Then again, crazy knows no town lines.

  • Agent Smith
    September 8, 2017 at 8:59 pm

    Hey Mundo, you got a thread coming off your sleeve……nope, I made a mistake, its your arm. Dildo

    • Wabbitt
      September 10, 2017 at 8:28 pm

      He’s a giant tampon, not a dildo. Hence the string.

  • They call me Ponch
    September 8, 2017 at 7:49 pm

    Can I get her number?

    I don’t have any friends.

  • Xxx
    September 8, 2017 at 6:10 pm

    Im friends with his ex girlfriend and he had no problems putting hands on her during their relationship.

  • The Rant Queen
    September 8, 2017 at 5:46 pm

    You know, girls get the bad rep of being creepy, clingy, psychos when they get dumped but it couldn’t be farther from the truth. Ive heard more cases of boys throwing tantrums after a break up (lots of those cases ended with the girl being killed and then society blaming her for not catering to the creepy, violent boy) and this idiot is just another cry baby who has entitlement written all over his face. My ex is the same exact way, stalked me, threatened to kill me and our infant daughter, then himself, harassed me via text, voicemail, social media, made up lies about being beaten by two men who broke into his current gf’s house, when it was actually his drunk, inbred mutant looking gf who beat him. (Which is sweet, sweet karma considering the physical, sexual and emotional abuse he put me through on a daily, for 3 years.) He made up lies about me, called DCF, destroyed all of my belongings when I moved out, the whole nine yards.

    Little boys like my ex and this pansy-ass bitch need to be locked up in a padded room and never be allowed near people again. Period. No amount of meds or therapy can help them. They think everyone’s lives should revolve around them and god forbid anyone tell them “No” or “Get over it”. They are narcissistic, have NO regard for anyone’s feelings or wellbeing but their own, and they certainly dont have the capacity to love another person. Its the idea of controlling another person that they “Love”. They will NEVER see themselves as the ones who do wrong. EVER. Its always someone else MAKING them act and do terrible things. Fucking LOCK THEM UP.

    • True Reality Speaks
      Dr. Phil
      September 8, 2017 at 11:01 pm

      Chill out. He’s only 19 and he’ll get over it – after a while. Not everyone hooks up with psychos, and every ex isn’t a a crazed stalker criminal. We’ve all had our heart broken – and even if he’s acting like an entitled punk now, it’s no guarantee he’ll continue his psychotic ways into the future.

  • The Vorlon
    The Vorlon
    September 8, 2017 at 5:36 pm

    Umm, genius, just to point something out, your ass is 19, and that half drunk beer in your hand can and will come back to bite you in the balls if anybody on this planet is looking for evidence in the future.

  • Finn
    September 8, 2017 at 5:05 pm

    He needs to chill out. Maybe Colton, Mateo and Mundo should go bra shopping. Then go get pedis and manis. That always makes me and my girlfriends feel better. He’ll have a whole new lease on life.

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