All-Star Criminals

Local Boob Yells Obscenities At Springfield Breast Cancer Walk Because He Was High On Weed, Just Kidding – He Was Drunk And Probably Should’ve Smoked Weed Instead

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MassliveNearly 20,000 people came to the Forest Park neighborhood last Sunday to walk or run in the region’s largest breast cancer fundraiser. John Brimmer was there too, though he was mostly running his mouth, according to police. Brimmer, 30, of Agawam, was charged with disorderly conduct and resisting arrest after tangling with police near the starting point for Baystate Health’s annual Rays of Hope Walk & Run Toward the Cure of Breast Cancer.

By 10 a.m., Brimmer was “extremely drunk” and shouting insults and obscenities at pink-shirted participants on Dickinson Street, according to the arrest report. When police told him to leave, Brimmer told them to “go (obscenity) themselves” and followed up with “(obscenity) you, I’m not leaving,” the report said. The defendant was arrested, handcuffed and walked to a nearby patrol car, where he began to struggle and pull away from the officers, the report said.

Once an officer pulled out a Taser and “drive stunned” him once in the chest,” Brimmer got the message and took a seat in the cruiser, the report said. After being booked at police headquarters, Brimmer was released on personal recognizance and told to report to Springfield District Court for arraignment Monday. When he failed to show up, Judge Michelle Ouimet-Rooke issued an arrest warrant.




Wait…..what?? Someone was booing a march against breast cancer? Does that mean he supports breast cancer? That seems like a perfectly normal occurrence in Springfield. After all, who wouldn’t see something controversial like this:




and think to themselves, “I’m gonna tell those people to go fuck themselves”?

Good thing he was extremely drunk at 10 in the morning instead of being high on marijuana. Because marijuana is a gateway drug that makes people do crazy things like heckle a breast cancer walk.

Oh wait, no it doesn’t. If he had just smoked a joint he would’ve sat in his mother’s basement in Agawam, ate cereal and watched reruns of Howdy Doody.

Look, obviously this guy is a raging alcoholic and needs treatment. Breast cancer is like, the one thing we all agree on – it’s no good. We’re all opposed to breast cancer. Showing up to one of these events drunk and heckling women and children who have either survived it or lost people they care about to it is something that a well man or woman does not do.

But at the same time, it was nice to hear he got his ass tased for being such an asshole. And if the taser didn’t work and the guy kept resisting and reached for something, then we would’ve had no problem with the cops using lethal force to take this asshole down. Because at Turtleboy Sports we are consistent and fair, and don’t care what skin color you are. If you’re a dooshnozzle, then you’re a dooshnozzle, and you deserve every bad thing that comes your way.



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7 Comment(s)
  • Wabbitt
    November 8, 2016 at 10:13 am

    Guarantee there’s still “free muh boi” idiots on Facebook. If he was black they’d be saying he dindu nuffin.

  • Chris Seith
    November 7, 2016 at 5:47 pm

    Yeah you cant shoot people with there hands behind there back. Even if when they resist. But mase and maglites work well.

    • Jack Mehoff
      November 7, 2016 at 9:26 pm

      You “can’t or cannot” shoot people with “their” hands behind “their” back. Even if when they resist (WTF?) But “mace” and “Maglites” work well.

      There, I have corrected your eighth grade level spelling but can’t do much about your ignorant grammar nor complete incoherence. I know this is just a blog but please try not to obfuscate.

      • Chris Seith
        November 8, 2016 at 5:46 am

        easy whitey you’re cutting deep. if you think cops should shoot someone while their hands are restrained behind their back fine.

  • That guy
    November 7, 2016 at 2:04 pm

    The face of Clinton America

  • Basket of Deplorables
    November 7, 2016 at 2:03 pm

    Now if this man had a job to occupy his time versus being bored, angry and drunk by 10am, I venture to guess that this would not have happened


    • Not Votin' for Fresolo
      November 7, 2016 at 2:26 pm

      Maybe he does have a job. It was Sunday. I don’t work weekends; maybe he doesn’t either.

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