All-Star Criminals

Magnificent Springfield Voke-stached Entrepreneur Steals Dirt Bike From Holyoke, Sells On Facebook Yard Sale Page, Gets Busted By Undercover Cops

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WWLPPolice arrested a man from Springfield who they say tried to sell a stolen dirt bike to undercover officers on Facebook. Springfield Police Sgt. John Delaney told 22News 19-year-old Wilfredo Rosario was arrested Friday night after he met the officers with the stolen bike in the city’s North End. The bike, a Husqvarna 125WXC dirt motorcycle, was stolen from Holyoke on October 8th. The undercover detectives set up the meeting with Rosario after the owner found the stolen bike advertised for sale on Facebook, Sgt. Delaney said. Rosario was charged with Receive Stolen Motor Vehicle and Operating Without a License. He was held over the weekend and arraigned on Monday in Springfield District Court.


Good God. How do you not get charged for that collection of pubes, grease, and Ruffles potato chip residue above his upper lip? I don’t know if that’s illegal, but it probably should be.

Anyway, what’s the first thing you do when you steal a dirt bike? Put it on some local Facebook yard sale page. Because no one ever goes on Facebook. It’s not like it’s the second most trafficked website in the world or anything like that.

And of course this guy steals the bike in Holyoke and brings it right to Springfield. Smart move on his part going fishing for dirt bikes in the Yoke. At least there a Voke-stache like this wouldn’t stand out:



If you see a face like that walking around Longmeadow or Agawam or South Hadley, you know something is up. Alarm bells start going off in people’s heads. Luckily the citizens in these towns are well versed in dooshnozzle profiling, and they know a face like that is only in their town for one reason – to steal a bike. That’s why he had to go to Holyoke. He can blend right in there.

Anyway, bad news for the ladies – this Springfield heartthrob is no longer on the market:


Oh good, he reproduced. Glad to see he’s taken up such important causes as “free the bros” and “paper chasing.” That should help him pay for his daughter’s college education. Too bad he’s not single though because he has a lot of offer you. Ya know, like the latest bling-bling, because he always keeps it 100!!


He’d give you a ride on the back of his bike…..but unfortunately he fucked that one up. Now all he has to offer you is his luxurious master bedroom, complete with a trampoline and a box spring on the floor:


Be warned though – you’ll have to bring your own sheets. And no, you cannot wear his bad ass denim vest.

Anyway, this is the one good thing about criminals – they aren’t very smart. And they’re dumb enough to steal your dirt bike and then try to sell it across the bridge on Facebook. Everything always works itself out.


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12 Comment(s)
  • El Realito
    October 24, 2016 at 9:30 am

    Mami didn’t use la chancla enough on him when he was a little burrito.

  • Ryan
    October 23, 2016 at 11:16 pm

    The 2pac shirt pic he looks like a gay Jesse Pinkman.

    • BobnMic
      October 23, 2016 at 11:25 pm

      That chick in your screen pic is sooo beautiful. Ooops – I just threw up in my mouth…

  • whatevuh
    October 21, 2016 at 6:42 am

    As Ron White says: You Can’t Fix Stupid

  • Fatfingr Lou
    October 20, 2016 at 5:54 pm

    Robin Leach is interested in profiling this lifestyle for an international audience

  • Devils Mouthpiece
    October 20, 2016 at 12:51 pm

    This asswipe needs a personal apparel consultant. That shit he wears is hideous! Also, he reproduced, or tried to? The chickens in the background appear to have some semen on their tail feathers.

    • BobnMic
      October 20, 2016 at 6:23 pm

      Classic lol.

  • JoeMomma
    October 20, 2016 at 12:15 pm

    How does a gay man reproduce?

  • Joe Max
    October 20, 2016 at 12:07 pm

    Does the Tupac t-shirt count for anything ? Future occupants of the prison system for sure.

  • Rocco
    October 20, 2016 at 12:02 pm

    Unfortunately they reproduce and we have to take care of them for the rest of their lives

  • FiestyLawyerLady
    October 20, 2016 at 11:46 am

    What a beautiful floral mattress. It is the classic decor of dead hooker’s grave.

  • KimberlyS
    October 20, 2016 at 11:29 am

    I’m disappointed – not a single #FreemyBoi to be seen.

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