All-Star Criminals WTF

Marty McJiggles And Fanny Devito Fight With Pants Down, Fupas Out To Determine Who Is King Of The Wawa At 2 In The Morning

 

Wawa’s are easily the best mini-marts in America. They’re primarily in the Philadelphia area, but they should be everywhere. Evidently they have moved to Florida, and this is what happens when Wawa’s move to Florida.

This is quite possibly the best viral fight video I’ve since since the gravy dumpster grab assing at the Auburn Mall in 2016.

The only thing funnier than the fight itself was the play by play. And I dunno if this is racist to say, but the commentary just wouldn’t have been half as funny if a white guy was filming it. It just seems like it’s really fun to be black. You never hear a black guy worried or fazed in a situation like this. It’s just another trip to the Wawa.

“I just want my sandwich.”

“Let them boys do what they gotta do.”

“Take em to the sky! Up top, chicken box.”

“Y’all boys just scoot over real quick, just pay for my shit right quick. You wilin fam. They trippin out here ain’t it.”

“If y’all want it to end y’all both just let go. Y’all both dap up, call it quits, y’all got a good one in, I like it.”

“He ain’t gonna do shit, y’all boys just agree not mother fuckin hit each other.”

“Ok. He said he ain’t done. Do what you gotta do fam.”

“Get up outta here, you gone, you gone. Po-lease comin you know he gone!”

Let’s go to the play by play.

It starts filming with Marty McJiggles, who inexplicably has his pants down attempting to reign blows down upon Fanny Devito (who wore his fighting thong sandals for the occasion), while the clerk attempts in vain to intervene.

Once the fupa emerged gravity quickly began working against all parties involved, and the next thing you know the rack was going down, followed quickly by the clerk.

At this point the clerk realizes that he doesn’t get paid nearly enough to waste his time trying to stop these two pudding potatoes and he just lets them go at it.

Thank God Marty McJiggles had his mask on but not his pants – it’s unsanitary not to have a mask on.

The cameraman had seen quite enough, realized this fight was going, and attempted to purchase his sandwich. But (no pun intended) neither of these sex magnets was willing to concede.

At one point Marty McJiggles’ fupa and thigh actually came together to form a second ass.

McJiggles had an obvious height and weight advantage, but Fanny Devito had heart, and you can’t teach heart. Fanny Devito is a man who has been balding for years but refuses to shave his head. Instead he proudly wears the scraps of hair that remain on his head as a crown that he’s unwilling to relinquish until it’s torn off his head. You can’t defeat people like this because life defeated them a long time ago, but yet they remain standing. So when Marty McJiggles ran at him for the final death blow, Fanny Devito was ready for it and tossed him to the ground like a Mormon woman who didn’t have dinner ready at 6.

At that point Fanny Devito went for the death blow by attempting to mount Marty McJiggles like Kate Peter after three shots of fireball.

But alas he wasn’t aware of Marty McJiggles secret weapon – the male tramp stamp.

Next thing you know McJiggles was giving it to him missionary in the corner as the guy in the 5 XL muumuu and capris pretended like he was actually attempting to stop them.

Having secure the TKO and realizing the fuzz was no doubt on their way Marty McJiggles ran off into the darkness barefoot never to be seen again.

It’s unclear who stole whose food stamps in the first place to start this fight in the first place, but this will go down in the history of World Star tryout videos as perhaps the greatest white on white viral Internet fight video of all time.

 

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31 Comment(s)
  • piss flaps pelosi
    November 25, 2020 at 12:13 pm

    great I watched this on leakreality dot com about a year ago

    • Lipstickhippie
      You're a dumbass
      November 26, 2020 at 10:00 pm

      Who was wearing masks a year ago? Didn’t think that one through, did you? Fuckin liar.

  • King Richards Faire
    November 25, 2020 at 8:46 am

    Dave Attell has really let himself go.

  • Full Metal Ratchet
    November 25, 2020 at 8:35 am

    Outstanding Pvt.Pyle! I think we have finally found something that you do well!!

  • John Madden
    November 24, 2020 at 11:34 pm

    It’s the full rut in Florida. Or they fighting over the last sixer of Keystone………

  • Screen grab
    November 24, 2020 at 8:54 pm

    “ At one point Marty McJiggles’ fupa and thigh actually came together to form a second ass.” lmao

  • Mitch Mconnell
    November 24, 2020 at 6:22 pm

    This is 3 years old you half-wit

    • Lipstickhippie
      You're a dumbass too
      November 26, 2020 at 10:03 pm

      Masks three years ago? Jesus Christ you’re all retarded.

  • Nancy’s fan club
    November 24, 2020 at 2:06 pm

    Our next presidential candidates

  • BucketNutz
    BucketNutz
    November 24, 2020 at 12:55 pm

    People like this are why many of us DGAF that Biden stole the election.
    These morons & many other Americans don’t deserve President Trump and deserve everything they’re about to ‘get’ from Marxism.

  • Orion
    November 24, 2020 at 11:24 am

    “It just seems like it’s really fun to be black”.

    BINGO. And profitable. Hence why millions of snooty liberal cracker fucks in American alone try to pretend that they are black, or at least vicariously. Only one of many mental illnesses plaguing our society.

  • Yawn
    November 24, 2020 at 10:35 am

    Saw this online 3 days ago.

  • Barney Fag
    November 24, 2020 at 9:26 am

    This has got me so worked up! Oh Hot Bottom! Where are you?

    • Dick Armey
      November 24, 2020 at 9:28 am

      Fucking homo.

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    November 24, 2020 at 8:58 am

    These assholes must have been tired at work the next morning

    • True Reality Speaks
      Pugs Are Thugs Boi
      November 24, 2020 at 9:31 am

      Go away. Your comments are always lame and are either piggybacking a good post or are standalone nitwit. You dumb down the whole comment section every time.

    • Lake speed
      November 24, 2020 at 10:51 am

      Work? Really?

  • Barney Fife
    November 24, 2020 at 7:41 am

    What is that Tramp Stamp Marty McGiggles has on his back? Maybe that’s what Fanny Divito was trying to get a better look at, and that caused the fight!

  • Openly Gay Male TurtleBoy Fan
    November 24, 2020 at 7:29 am

    I asked for more content for gay men and you listened! More dicks and cocks for your gay male Turtle Riders! This is a blog for gay men only now HAAYYYYY! So long, straights!

  • Gov Charle Biden
    November 24, 2020 at 7:15 am

    Florida, enough said.

  • Lost Cause
    November 24, 2020 at 7:04 am

    This just made my whole day…lmfao… I’m dying laughing i almost pissed myself.. bahaha

  • poor boy
    November 24, 2020 at 6:49 am

    Can’t decide the best part of this post.

    A. Your complete lack of material, so you go back to the old well of taking stuff from Barstool.

    B. Despite trying very very hard you don’t land one funny line.

    C. The bald guy looks just Joey G.

  • Old Tom Morris
    November 24, 2020 at 5:35 am

    “… by attempting to mount Marty McJiggles like Kate Peter after three shots of fireball” So are you saying that’s what Kate Peter”s ass looks like? Yikes.

  • Steaming Des Moine Candied Yam
    November 24, 2020 at 5:31 am

    Brown Eye Winks

  • John Wayne Gacy
    November 24, 2020 at 4:51 am

    Schwing!

  • Alex Reimer
    November 24, 2020 at 4:13 am

    I can’t stop beating off to this! Ooooooohhhhhhh!!!!!!

  • Top turtle fan
    November 24, 2020 at 4:11 am

    That was great play by play TB! Always remember to wear your reflective best, and your mask of course too.

  • The Olde Padre
    November 24, 2020 at 2:04 am

    That gave me a pup tent.

  • Uncle Peckerhead
    November 24, 2020 at 1:50 am

    The guy junk punching hurt to watch. But that corner missionary still shot was the funniest fucking thing ever.
    ESPN should look into these Sumo slobs!

  • Howard Cosell
    November 24, 2020 at 1:38 am

    Oohh would you look at those monkeys going at it folks!

  • Bob
    November 24, 2020 at 1:30 am

    That’s definitely not the first time a naked penis has brushed up against that clerk while he rakes in some minimum wage.

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