Shaming Handicapped Parkers

Meet Michael Woodbury: Deep Fried Former Uber Driver From Attleboro Who Likes To Park In Handicapped Spots


Yesterday we published a blog asking for your help identifying some chud who parked like Helen Keller in a handicapped spot because he didn’t feel like walking far on his way into Starbucks to buy an overpriced coffee.

His name is Michael Woodbury, and he’s from Attleboro, which is quickly become the top spawn of ratchets on Turtleboy Sports.

Newsflash tubby, since you’re apparently unaware of this – you can’t park in handicapped spots just because your fat ass doesn’t feel like walking. Also Newsflash – just because it fit in 2008 when you got it on sale at Saver’s doesn’t mean you should wear it for eternity.

He’s also got a whole bunch of points on his driving record, because evidently he drives worse than he parks. According to his Facebook page he is a former Uber driver too. Because evidently they’ll hire anyone.

I got another blog coming in a minute featuring the next douchebag. I hate people who do this and they all deserve to be exposed one by one.


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25 Comment(s)
  • Lala yaya
    April 4, 2019 at 5:36 pm

    Attleboro is and always has been a dump. Its full of white trash, pitbulls and junkies. So glad its finally being called out.

  • randiguy2006
    Randall Guy
    April 4, 2019 at 10:22 am

    So 28 people here read this and then what?

  • Jim
    April 4, 2019 at 8:55 am

    Fish is saying “please Orca let me go”

  • Father O’Touchahan
    April 3, 2019 at 10:56 pm

    I believe I can help here. Clearly there is a divide. Take your left hand. Or your right hand. Or both hands if you are an independent. And stroke the staff of the lord and wait for the sacrament to coat your face. Say two Hail Marys and five our Randall’s.

  • Dale Arnold, Mr. Fake Sincerity
    April 3, 2019 at 9:20 pm

    I wonder what happened to Andy Gresh.

  • ??
    April 3, 2019 at 9:07 pm

    How was his driving record know to SSTG?

  • Tj Motherfuckin Woodbury
    April 3, 2019 at 7:48 pm

    Let’s bag on some motherfuckers real quick who wanna talk a bunch of shit but don’t do nothing why you gotta put people’s personal information out? What if he has a family and you put the shit out and some dude goes nuts and goes and kills his family? Why does it have to be all about his weight? Yes he was in the wrong but this shit is just plain bullying you filthy liberal fucks go suck another dick while you sit on your ass bitching about America Americans and the problems in society while you do nothing to change it you know what’s wrong with this country you fuckin people

    • Is this guy serious?
      April 3, 2019 at 8:42 pm

      Filthy liberal fucks ? Paging Randall.

      • randiguy2006
        Randall Guy
        April 4, 2019 at 10:23 am

        You rang?

    • Queen Latifa and the Woodbury Dough Boy
      April 3, 2019 at 8:54 pm

      Stop y’all fat shamin.

    • Let’s Dance, Dickweed
      April 3, 2019 at 9:02 pm

      I’m your huckleberry.

    • Peter Dautel
      Don Key Punch
      April 3, 2019 at 9:22 pm

      We’ll start with you. Liberal?? Where, or better yet, how, do you reach that conclusion? Yep. We’re fat shaming this hippogluttonous because A: he’s a douche that parks in a handicap spot. B: because he went to Starbucks. A liberal bastion if ever there were… C: you get called out when you shit all over society and pull a stunt like that, and get caught, and just so happen to be (borrowed and well stated comment) a walking (not too much longer though before the electric Walmart scooter enters the scene) PSA for diabetes, emphysema and going on the taxpayer dole and collecting disability whilst gorging on McNuggets and drinking a 52 oz. “diet” Coke.

      Yep. Fits the liberal narrative to a T, fer sure.

      I wish more of us “Liberals” spoke and felt that way….


  • Dick Hehir
    April 3, 2019 at 7:35 pm

    Fishing is a favorite pastime for the average run of the mill dirt bag. Nice thing to do as a youngster or when you’re with your son but something about a grown man still at it by himself is just weird…

  • The Name Game
    April 3, 2019 at 7:19 pm

    Michael Foodbury berry good … You have a blockhead, Charlie Brown!

  • Bloated Seal
    April 3, 2019 at 6:54 pm

    He is a walking PSA, 299 pounds overweight and smokes. Cardiac candidate of the year.

  • Peter Dautel
    Don Key Punch
    April 3, 2019 at 6:42 pm

    His t-shirt (I think) says “Ask This Old House”. I think this Oompa Loompa mistook it as “Eat everything in the Toll House”, or at least it should anyway…

    As a veteran, in addition to EBT ratchets that park in handicap spots, another one that tightens the hairs across my ass, are the ne’er do well who park in spaces marked for veterans. Granted, you don’t need to have veteran tags to do so, but when you look every bit the part of a failed Jenny Craig experiment, with a double wide fupa and sandals, flip flops, in skin-tight “Pink” (the horror of that image alone should get my point across) “yoga” (ha!) pants, and a mixed bag of screaming crotch fruit in the car, and “yo man” sitting in the front seat, smokin a blunt (training begins early I assume…), and you waddle in to the sto ta git ya som mo Banquet frozen fried chicken, with the festering facial piercings, I’m gonna call you out and ask for your military ID. -Just sayin’ (yo.)

    • Dr Phil
      April 3, 2019 at 9:35 pm

      It’s not nice to talk about your wife like that.

      • Peter Dautel
        Don Key Punch
        April 3, 2019 at 9:49 pm

        Weak. So weak that I had to get off your wife to hitch slap you for being so weak! Wait. This is a trap! Ahhhhh sheeeit. Sorry, “ma’am”.

  • Two Patch Crappy Jack
    April 3, 2019 at 5:47 pm

    Boom! bagged. good job.

  • Christopher Lettiere
    April 3, 2019 at 5:31 pm

    He’s got a dickiedo… his stomach sticks out further than his dickiedo

    • hank
      April 3, 2019 at 6:01 pm

      Dont know why but that killed me. Good stuff

    • Batman
      April 3, 2019 at 6:13 pm

      Hahahahahaha. Good one

    • Julie the Jarhead
      April 3, 2019 at 6:22 pm

      I guess that’s the male equivalent of a gee you en tee. (I’m a writer; I need to know these things.)

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