All-Star Criminals

Methuen Wangstas Beat And Rob A Guy, Fail Miserably At Escaping, Post Hilarious Ghettofabulous Things On Facebook

Methuen Wangstas Beat And Rob A Guy, Fail Miserably At Escaping, Post Hilarious Ghettofabulous Things On Facebook

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Let’s talk dumb criminals. Three wangstas from Methuen robbed an acquaintance and then made the responding officer’s job incredibly easy by running into their house to hide. From the Methuen Police blotter:

On Sunday, February 19, 2017 at approximately 5:00 P.M., officers responded to the area of 7 Craven St. for a report of an unarmed robbery which had just occurred. Once they arrived on scene, officers were met by the victim, an adult male with visible injuries to his face. He related that he was beaten and robbed by three men outside of 7 Craven St. The victim told officers that the suspects involved were known to him and that he had been socializing with them earlier in the day at 7 Craven St. He reported that when he left the residence, he was kicked in the head, knocked to the ground, beaten and robbed of an undetermined amount of money. The three assailants then ran inside 7 Craven St. immediately after the attack.

The responding officers and detectives conducted an investigation which resulted in the arrest of the following suspects:

1. Joseph Alfred Deprimeodomenici, (Age 19) with an address of 13 Richard Cr. Woburn, Ma. was charged with Assault and Battery with a Dangerous Weapon, Armed Robbery and Unlawful Possession of A Firearm.

2. James Gravel Jr., (Age 19) with an address of 7 Craven St., Methuen, Ma. was charged with Assault and Battery and Armed Robbery.

3. Kyle Thomas Sousa, (Age 18) with an address of 7 Craven St. Methuen, Ma. was charged with Armed Robbery
Upon further investigation, a search warrant was applied for and executed at 7 Craven St. During execution of the search warrant, officers recovered a handgun.

This investigation is on-going and additional criminal charges are pending. All individuals mentioned are presumed innocent until proven guilty in a court of law.

So obviously these 4 fuggnut’s spent the day getting baked and then kicked this guy’s ass and ran into their house to hide like a bunch of little bitches. It was unclear if the cops found them hiding in a closet or under bed.

Let’s meet these tough guys, shall we?

Say hi to James

Class of 2016 and can’t spell hustle – nice work.

Of course he has a mirror selfie with a stupid giant watch that’s totally real homey.

And the requisite kush and cash photo – he’s a businessman no doubt.

Let’s meet his buddy Kyle.

Young Lordz Entertainment – please oh please let there be a white boy rap video out there to find.

Is that a bottle of Hennessey? He must have taken the upgrade to the hoodrat starter pack?

A mixtape!? And his mother is working on the chorus – that’s one supportive mom.

Let’s take a peek at her –

Well she is supportive but may want to edit this post a smidgen – a case could be made challenging the intelligence of Kyle.

Ah, the legitimately earned pile of cash picture.

Never would have expected to see that hat.

Can’t find anything on John, whose last name is probably spelled Deprimeo-Domenici. He’s the one facing the firearm charge so he’s no doubt a real G and better about hiding his social media profile.

These guys must have the lowest level jobs earning crap money but have wads of cash to take pictures with. But no adult questions it or tells them to get their shit together and stop looking like a couple of losers – in fact it seems to be encouraged.


Good God – these idiots will probably have a party when these two fuppets make bail.
I look forward to the free my boi patrol that will surely be out in force to support these future residents of MCI Shirley.




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19 Comment(s)
  • Whiteboyy
    September 16, 2019 at 9:54 am

    How about a law sute for y’all lofao

  • oneopinion
    February 22, 2017 at 12:27 am

    I wish I went to school with these layups. If only it was still that easy.

  • Sloppy
    February 22, 2017 at 12:19 am

    These articles get me in a fightin’ mood. I wanna rough some of these losers up. Who’s with me?
    Anyone who wants to help thump some of these guys, let’s all meet up behind the welfare office on the 1st of next month at about 1:00 in the afternoon just after they’ve gotten up and had their breakfast.
    Guaranteed best time and place to run into them all at once.

  • Kerri Bishop
    February 22, 2017 at 12:04 am

    nothing says quality parenting when you post a “my kids are my life” photo collage and use a picture of your very young son making the gangster “shooting a gun” hand gestures…

  • Lisa
    February 21, 2017 at 6:47 pm

    Do you know what the word craven means ?( the street they all live at ) ? Contemptible cowards , losers and thieves!!! At least the street Fred is true

  • Rich
    February 21, 2017 at 3:37 pm

    Grew up in Methuen in the 60’s and 70’s. This is not the Methuen I remember. Wonder what happened?

  • ZephyrCat
    February 21, 2017 at 1:52 pm

    Man, these poor guys have some serious arthritis. None of them can straighten out their fingers. Must be tough when they wipe each others asses.

    • Devils Mouthpiece
      February 21, 2017 at 2:54 pm

      Probably arthritis from constant jerking off in their moms basement.

      • BobnMic
        February 21, 2017 at 3:07 pm

        Yes! Yes, of course! Chronic masturbation causes arthritis, excessive knuckle-hair growth, nearsightedness and, of course, an unnatural attraction to overweight, lesbian social justice warriors. Yes, Jimi Hendrix….I am experienced!

        • BobnMic
          February 21, 2017 at 8:38 pm

          And for the record, it’s “Excuse me while I kiss this guy”. I would know because I helped Jimi write the song. It was during my 3 day break between my tour of duty and when I first started being a dj in the 80’s. I had a delorean and went back in time just like Marty McFly.

  • Devils Mouthpiece
    February 21, 2017 at 1:20 pm

    In reference to that last photo of Kyle – what self-respecting hoodrat still “owns” (and I use the term loosely) a tube TV? Too much of a pussy, or lazy, or both, to go out and steal a flat screen? Lame… Oh, I probably missed the obvious answer. The tv was already laying around your parents basement. Silly me.

    • Lt Dan
      February 21, 2017 at 4:21 pm

      “The tv was already laying around your *single mom’s*basement.”


    February 21, 2017 at 12:16 pm

    Wastes of oxygen. EVERYONE who wears a flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hat should be sterilized. PROBLEM SOLVED

  • Lt Dan
    February 21, 2017 at 12:10 pm

    I should take pictures of the 6k a quarter a give to uncle Sam that supports these low life’s.

    Just gotta practice my hand signs so I look cool

  • Just Curious
    February 21, 2017 at 12:07 pm

    Can someone please explain to me what the significance is of the flat-brimmed Chicago Bulls hat? It seems to be common among these thug types. Why the Bulls? Why not a Celtics hat?

    • MrSmiley
      February 21, 2017 at 12:35 pm

      Bulls= bloods. These little thuglets like to claim gang affiliation even though it’s doubtful they’re actually members. Same thing when you see fb posts avoiding the use of the letter C. Little wannabe baby gangstas

    • Let Your Light Shine
      February 21, 2017 at 12:43 pm

      Because Chicago is a hardo gang city, and it shows the local affiliation of gangbangers that you too are a hardo and as tough as any hoodrat from Chi-town.
      Get it now? Only it’s just a hat and does not make any of these wannabes a tough guy.

  • Wabbitt
    February 21, 2017 at 11:36 am

    I’ll bet they were hiding under a bed, holding each other and sobbing.

    Couple of little bitches.

  • Turd Burglestein
    February 21, 2017 at 11:33 am

    Pube farm on face, check.
    Flat brim bulls hat, check.
    Flashing gang signs, check.
    Flipping middle finger, check.
    Posing with cash and weed, check.

    Confirmed as gutterpunk slugrakes.

    But what’s up with that first guy’s name…Deprimeodomenici? Sounds like the name of a medication you’d take for being a limp dicked wangsta…or something used to treat hemmorhoids.

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