New Bedford Crotch Box And Punctuation-Free Posse Show Up On TBS Returns To Defend Her Good Name, Claims To Have Life Insurance Policy From Deceased Husband, Yet Was Begging Online For Stranger’s Money
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It’s been a busy week for internet lawsuits here at Turtleboy Sports. Yesterday, I wrote this blog about a professional tenant with tittoos begging for money after she was forced out of her home by a severe case of the dreaded ghetto black mold. She wasn’t pleased with my assessment, and promptly messaged Abi, our dutiful desk girl, to let us know.
Abi, you sweet, gullible, sweaty sunfish. Always so helpful.
Oh, ok. Your tittoos are the names of your raw dog trophies – that sure does clear things up.
Oh no, her lawyer called her while she was talking to deskie at almost 6pm to give her the urgent news that the blog written about her being a shitty tenant and dishonest internet panhandler is so, totally, complete slander. AND harassment. She can’t afford her rent, but she can afford this dedicated man of the law!
Meanwhile, because private message aren’t ever enough, Nicky and a couple of New Bedford’s most refined, learned scholars showed up in the comments section to defend her honor in rambling flatbrimese sentagraphs:
I think we’ve really met our match with Amanda here. If this isn’t the face of a great tenant with a MENSA level IQ and the class and refinement of the British Royal Family, I don’t know what is. Definitely who I would chose to have in my corner during a battle of wits and words.
Nicky’s teacher also showed up to show off her skills with the English language and proficiency with caps lock:
But as our turtle riders quickly deduced, “teacher” was a bit of an overstatement.
Here’s a quick New Bedford english lesson: “Teacher” is to “teacher’s aide” as “Nurse” is to “CNA.”
Back in the inbox, Nicky just couldn’t stop lying to poor deskie:
Yeah, Nicky, about that “only $300 you owed”…. She is such a terrible liar, she caught her damn self midway through that one. D’oh!
No mediator you say?
Of course, deskie did her best to help, but…. you can’t please them all, right?
So we’ve established this chick is absofuckinglutely full of horseshit. And panic-deleted her Gofundme after being called out, so we’ve done some good in the world today – one less bullshit panhandling campaign. Which comes as no surprise that when someone called her bluff on the whole “poor me respectable widow” bit, this happened:
What a formidable foe I have here. I’m quaking in my boots. How will I ever match up against this level of intellect, integrity and grammar? I’m doomed!