All-Star Criminals

New Hampshire Junkbox Grundle Juicers Arrested Using Fake $100 Fake Dough To Buy Fried Dough Previously Got Feel Good Free Meal From Cops 

New Hampshire Junkbox Grundle Juicers Arrested Using Fake $100 Fake Dough To Buy Fried Dough Previously Got Feel Good Free Meal From Cops

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Please allow me to introduce you to Holly Solana and Chris Green.

These 2 junkie love birds were recently arrested in Laconia at the NH Pumpkin Festival for trying to pass a counterfeit $100 bill at a fried dough shack. Yes, the joke writes itself. Using fake dough to buy fried dough.

WMURAuthorities in New Hampshire have arrested two individuals accused of using fake money to buy fried dough. According to police, Christopher Green and Holly Solans have been taken into custody after they used counterfeit money at Laconia’s annual Pumpkin Fest. Police say they received word about the couple around 5:42 p.m. on Saturday and immediately began surveying the area. Responders attempted to apprehend both subjects who took off on foot. Officers say that after a short pursuit they were both taken into custody. Both Green and Sloans refused bail and were brought to the Belknap County Jail where they were charged with forgery and resisting arrest.

Let’s get this out of the way immediately. Sweet snowflake neck-tat, Bruh!

The Fugazi C-notes were stamped with red Chinese symbols:

It doesn’t take a Ratchet Psychologist to figure out what was going on here. Chris and Holly wanted to buy some dope, but only had the funny-money, and they figured the best place to launder it was at the Pumpkin Fest. Solid plan. I would imagine that Heroin Dealers aren’t very trusting, and more than likely scrutinize any $100 bill they get from customers. Especially customers that looks like this:

The only logical thing to do was go to a fried dough stand, pay for some confectioner’s sugar covered goodness with faux currency, and use the authentic change they received to buy that sweet Brown. However the vendor wasn’t fooled, and notified the Blue Meanies.

At their arraignment Chris and Holly refused bail:

“The two refused bail and were brought to Belknap County Jail and will be arraigned Monday.”

They probably assumed that if their fake money didn’t fool a concessions carney, it wouldn’t fool a bail bondsman. Honestly, I’m surprised that Holly is “Bout That Life”. Her Facebook feed is full of cutesy motivational quotes that seem to imply she’s put her drug shooting days behind her.

All of these quotes about removing toxic things from your life, and yet she’s still allowing this clown to cattle-prod her oyster ditch with his dude-piston.

Her page is literally flooded with hundreds of quotes like this, and they obviously aren’t fooling anyone. Go take a look at your most successful friend’s Facebook profile. Go ahead, I’ll wait. I can almost guarantee that it isn’t plastered with these stupid memes. Successful people are too busy taking care of business to spend time posting quotes about how to be successful.

Besides all of the motivational memes, Holly’s page is a prime example of the Ratchet Formula: Heroin x Time = Gross. Let’s take a scroll through her timeline photos and witness her metamorphosis from a drillable Ratchetpillar into a full blown Butterface:

No. Just no.

Surprisingly, this wasn’t the first time that Chris and Holly were arrested together. In fact 2 years ago their ride on the long, hard dick of the Law was pretty well publicized due to one of the arresting officers buying Holly a McRib before hauling her off to jail:

MANCHESTER, NH (CBS) – A police officer bought a “desperate and hungry” suspect a sandwich before arresting her for theft on Friday morning. Manchester Police officers Lisa Mackey and Kevin Gelinas were investigating the theft of a purse when they spotted the suspects’ vehicle in a McDonald’s parking lot. The officers found a needle and the stolen purse in the car and identified the driver as 22-year-old Christopher Greene. Greene told officers that his girlfriend was inside the restaurant. Officer Mackey entered the restaurant and spoke with the suspect, who identified herself as 20-year- old Holly Solans. Police say Solans appeared “disheveled and upset” and said she was living in her car with Greene. Officer Mackey purchased food for Solans and then took her into custody for receiving stolen property. Greene was arrested for possession of heroin.”

That’s how junkboxes prioritize.

  1. Acquire money by any means necessary
  2. Give money directly to a dealer
  3. Get junked
  4. Eat…maybe
  5. Fuck raw dog
  6. Mark your bed for the night with your own feces
  7. Return to step 1.

Officer Mackey was a veteran Cop that retired about a month after this arrest. The story had legs because she showed empathy towards someone that was “desperate and hungry”, and people ate it up. Pun Intended. I’m sure Officer Mackey had good  intentions when she bought Holly some grub, but it more than likely only gave her more entitlement. Holly and Chris robbed someone, used the money for drugs, cried “Woe is Me!” when they were caught, and were rewarded with food before getting dragged to the Pokey. Only in an junkbox’s mind could they be a victim after stealing someone’s

And of course in true “disease” fashion, they did the responsible thing and made a Fuck Trophy.

The silver lining here is that they don’t seem to have custody of that poor child. Hopefully she was pulled out of there before any significant ratchetry was able to rub off, because as the late, great Jim Lahey said:

In the NH1 comment thread on the fake $100 bill story, a woman claimed that Chris and Holly were found squatting in her family’s cottage:

I did reach out to Stacie, who was very friendly, in hopes that she could give me more
information about the incident. She graciously declined because she “didn't know what Turtleboy Sports was”. Lol. It’s okay Stacie, we ain’t mad ‘atcha. Turtle Nation is growing exponentially every day and it’s only a matter of time before you’re Riding Shell.


8 Comment(s)
  • Brian Reese
    July 16, 2020 at 4:19 pm

    what a boot licking bitch of a forum. don’t sully the name of jim lahey, it’s more like george green cock sucking around here. you suck.

  • Meghan
    August 22, 2019 at 4:23 pm

    I know her, her little baby is so gorgeous and it’s horrible that she’s trading her daughter for drugs.

  • LJS
    October 24, 2017 at 10:20 pm

    This girl was locked up immediately after giving birth a few years ago. Ditched her dopesick newborn to score drugs & got arrested. Shes a real prize of a human being.

  • Steven Stover
    October 24, 2017 at 6:48 pm

    Pray she finds a solution. Pray he gets and up the ass in jail then finds a solution.

  • citypoint
    Stan the man
    October 24, 2017 at 3:35 pm

    Darwinism is a bitch.

    • Blob
      October 24, 2017 at 7:49 pm

      I must disagree. Darwinism is beautiful. The states interference in Natural Selection, is a bitch.

  • Fred Knessl
    October 24, 2017 at 2:19 pm

    Looks like her Parents paid a lot to get those Teeth of hers straightened back in the day. FFS she’s 23 and looks like 40…

    • Lynda Roy
      August 17, 2018 at 2:07 am

      What if she was your child? Once normal & then hung out with the wrong ppl , then made bad , even life threatening coices? Isn’t t she still someone’s child, sister, friend…?

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