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Here’s a fun arrest report out of Northbridge:
This is what happens when ratchets learn how to drive. These three grundle nuggets breaking into cars in Northbridge (and breaking into people’s sheds) are from Webster, Southbridge, and Worcester. It’s the perfect storm of dooshnozzelry. Naturally they all descend upon Northbridge, a town where people move to in order to get away from trashbags in Worcester, Southbridge, and Webduh.
And these three cretins are everything you dreamed they would be and more. This is Gavin Barszcz:
As you can see, this ambidextrous cockmuffin possesses the rare ability to fondle both the layer of foreskin he refers to as a penis, and the collection of pubes he refers to as a goatee, at the same time.
You’ll never guess who his favorite basketball team is…..
I was gonna guess the Minnesota Timberwolves. Flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hat with the sticker still on it? First time I’ve ever seen anyone rocking that on Turtleboy Sports!!
Don’t worry though, baby momma is gonna be holding it down while he gets a CWOF from another Deval Patrick appointed judge:
“I will support you on any decision you are in.”
Oh yea, she’s a great mom. When he decides to rob a bank or molest a goat, she’ll support this too I suppose. Nothing like teaching your children that supporting Daddy’s criminal behavior is OK because you just can’t resist the sweet sensation that his weapon of ass destruction provides you with.
Funny, because just a few days ago cockmuffin was lamenting his financial struggles, whining about mofos not helping him out, and telling all the haters that he was gonna prove them wrong:
Which apparently means,
“I’m gonna steal a bunch of iPods in Northbridge and sell them for crack money. N word what?”
Then there’s the other half of the ambiguously gay southern Worcester County duo, Dustin Fontaine. The two of them seem to have become besties over their mutual fandom of everyone’s favorite sportball squad:
And as you can see from the mildew and feces adorning the bathroom wall and mirrors, things are obviously going great for Crusty Dusty.
Felicia Hickey was the getaway driver, who gave new meaning to “Bye Felicia” when she ditched her two chudstuffers, only to get pulled over blocks away and was busted for driving without a license. It’s OK though, because poor Felicia Fapbasket may or may not have the “disease” that makes you rob people in order to finance your “disease”:
She’s obviously come along way from her ol’ days working at Hooter’s.
Oh, and she reproduced of course. In high school.
Because obviously decision making is one of her strengths.
Let’s see what kind of thins she likes on Facebook…
Well, that’s awkward. Number one rule of being a turtle rider – don’t end up on Turtleboy!! It’s simple really – don’t get arrested for doing stupid shit or associate with anyone who owns a flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hat.
I know a lot of people want us to build a wall with Mexico, but wouldn’t it really be more feasible to build walls around Southbridge, Webster, and Worcester?