Nothing Brings The Ratchets Out Like A 85 Degree Bone Ride Through Main South

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Summer is basically here folks, and the AC is broken at Turtleboy headquarters. So we figured it would be good to get out of the office and grab some Belsito’s, because everyone knows that Belsito’s Italian grinders are the bomb!!

But when the weather gets nice, the ratchets come out of hibernation. And if you want some good ratchet watching on a hot day, there’s no better place to go than right through the heart of Main South. So we did a little impromptu bone ride to see Worcester in all its glory on this scorcher of a day. Join us………

Luckily when the guttermuppets come out to play they always follow the rules of the road. No one ever takes their sweet ass time walking directly in front of traffic when they easily could just walk in the crosswalk 20 yards away, while you count down the seconds until that light at Chandler and Main Street turns red:

Then you get to the light and there’s NEVER an chudstuffer in a flat brimmed hat who couldn’t wait until it was his turn to cross the street:

Why should he wait? Fuck everyone else, this guy has really, really important places to be.

After getting our fill at Belsito’s it was time to venture down to the nexus/clusterfuck of the universe – Kelley Square. And everyone knows that abled bodied men in wife beaters who don’t have to be at work at noon on a Wednesday never walk directly into traffic without looking at Kelley Square.

After driving through the vacant wasteland of Madison Street we once again approached the intersection with Main Street, where there are no shortage of grown men in wife beaters, jorts, and doo-rags.

After that it was time to venture into Main South, which is obviously turning into the economic engine of Worcester, based on the new businesses that are popping up everywhere:

Ahh yes, the Wonder Dollar. Because Worcester really needs a Wonder Dollar. That doesn’t sound like a ratchet magnet or anything like that.

Some locals woke up this morning and said to themselves, “It feels like a crop-topped wife beater and loafers kind of day”

Meanwhile, this flat brimmed winner apparently did not want his picture taken, and was onto us:

Does he look familiar?

Oh yea, it’s the asshole who decided that he was gonna take his sweet ass time walking across a major intersection in which he had a “don’t walk” sign. He obviously accomplished a lot in the last half hour by walking to the liquor store to meet up with knee high socks McGee.

And who remembers this blog from November, about a dumb white chick from Westfield who started a $7,000 GoFundMe for a drug addicted panhandler so he could rent an apartment?

Yup, he’s still in the exact same spot she found him:

Luckily it looks like our public shaming worked as the girl took down the GoFundMe. See? Turtleboy teaches valuable lessons.

Anyway, suns and guns out, and that can only mean one thing – nap time!!!

And obviously this guy is having yet another really, really productive day as well:

Main Street is only a couple of miles long through Main South, but you can spend a whole afternoon bone riding through there, especially with the jort patrol walking through traffic like they own the roads

The mesh short mafia staring you down

The Dunkin Donuts dingleberries giving you the stink eye

And the Asian underwear models showing off the goods for the world to see.

But by far my favorite site in Main South is this LEGEND right here:

Anyone who’s ever driven through Webster Square towards Main South has seen that man right there. He is the King of Main Street. I don’t know his name, or what he does, or how he ended up here. All I know is, this guy has life all figured out. He wears what appears to be some sort of veteran’s hat, and watches traffic go by all day, every day. And someday, we will interview him for a blog. And it will be glorious.

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