Bone Ride

Nothing Brings The Ratchets Out Like A 85 Degree Bone Ride Through Main South

Nothing Brings The Ratchets Out Like A 85 Degree Bone Ride Through Main South

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Summer is basically here folks, and the AC is broken at Turtleboy headquarters. So we figured it would be good to get out of the office and grab some Belsito’s, because everyone knows that Belsito’s Italian grinders are the bomb!!

But when the weather gets nice, the ratchets come out of hibernation. And if you want some good ratchet watching on a hot day, there’s no better place to go than right through the heart of Main South. So we did a little impromptu bone ride to see Worcester in all its glory on this scorcher of a day. Join us………

Luckily when the guttermuppets come out to play they always follow the rules of the road. No one ever takes their sweet ass time walking directly in front of traffic when they easily could just walk in the crosswalk 20 yards away, while you count down the seconds until that light at Chandler and Main Street turns red:

Then you get to the light and there’s NEVER an chudstuffer in a flat brimmed hat who couldn’t wait until it was his turn to cross the street:

Why should he wait? Fuck everyone else, this guy has really, really important places to be.

After getting our fill at Belsito’s it was time to venture down to the nexus/clusterfuck of the universe – Kelley Square. And everyone knows that abled bodied men in wife beaters who don’t have to be at work at noon on a Wednesday never walk directly into traffic without looking at Kelley Square.

After driving through the vacant wasteland of Madison Street we once again approached the intersection with Main Street, where there are no shortage of grown men in wife beaters, jorts, and doo-rags.

After that it was time to venture into Main South, which is obviously turning into the economic engine of Worcester, based on the new businesses that are popping up everywhere:

Ahh yes, the Wonder Dollar. Because Worcester really needs a Wonder Dollar. That doesn’t sound like a ratchet magnet or anything like that.

Some locals woke up this morning and said to themselves, “It feels like a crop-topped wife beater and loafers kind of day”

Meanwhile, this flat brimmed winner apparently did not want his picture taken, and was onto us:

Does he look familiar?

Oh yea, it’s the asshole who decided that he was gonna take his sweet ass time walking across a major intersection in which he had a “don’t walk” sign. He obviously accomplished a lot in the last half hour by walking to the liquor store to meet up with knee high socks McGee.

And who remembers this blog from Novemberabout a dumb white chick from Westfield who started a $7,000 GoFundMe for a drug addicted panhandler so he could rent an apartment?


Yup, he’s still in the exact same spot she found him:

Luckily it looks like our public shaming worked as the girl took down the GoFundMe. See? Turtleboy teaches valuable lessons.

Anyway, suns and guns out, and that can only mean one thing – nap time!!!

And obviously this guy is having yet another really, really productive day as well:

Main Street is only a couple of miles long through Main South, but you can spend a whole afternoon bone riding through there, especially with the jort patrol walking through traffic like they own the roads

The mesh short mafia staring you down

The Dunkin Donuts dingleberries giving you the stink eye

And the Asian underwear models showing off the goods for the world to see.

But by far my favorite site in Main South is this LEGEND right here:

Anyone who’s ever driven through Webster Square towards Main South has seen that man right there. He is the King of Main Street. I don’t know his name, or what he does, or how he ended up here. All I know is, this guy has life all figured out. He wears what appears to be some sort of veteran’s hat, and watches traffic go by all day, every day. And someday, we will interview him for a blog. And it will be glorious.



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14 Comment(s)
  • This Place Is A Dump!!!
    May 19, 2017 at 10:57 am

    I had to drive my wife and little boy to Logan for a flight on Wednesday, and on my way back, I decided to stop in Worcester for something to eat. HOLY SHIT! What a fuckin’ dump!!! I should have stayed on the Pike and stopped at one of the rest stops. I think I got some sort of disease driving through this shithole!

    • Melissa
      July 15, 2017 at 2:57 am

      Omg it seriously is!! I lived in Worcester from age 11 – 16, and I adjusted to what seemed like a completely different world. I’m originally from the Plymouth (ma) area and it is so different and tiny compared to this big busy city! I grew to love it! There were bad parts, like pretty much everywhere, but there were amazingly really nice parts too! After I moved back to my hometown at 17 I didn’t visit Worcester again for years. When I did I was completely grossed out at how dingy and run down everything was! Most of the (active) businesses look abandoned! I hated it so much and was so homesick. I was supposed to stay with a friend for the week but left early after maybe 2 or 3 days! I’ll stick with my nice little town in the country! I’ll always have fond memories of growing up in Worcester. And one of the best thing I got from living there that I will cherish always is the tough, mouthy, take no shit, street smart woman I am now!
      TBP does such a phenomenal job of finding these countless stories that literally fill my heart with joy. I feel so much better about myself after every article I read and thank God I didn’t stay there!

  • E.Warren
    May 18, 2017 at 2:38 am

    Worcester is like the scumbag Olympic now.

    Thanks to all the social welfare programs for making this possible.

  • NH Girl
    May 18, 2017 at 12:35 am

    Please stop and interview the guy in the last picture. I’ll bet he has a great story to tell.

  • ElJefe72
    May 17, 2017 at 6:46 pm

    *BANG!* *BANG!*

    Roll ’em up kids!

  • Been There Done That
    May 17, 2017 at 6:28 pm

    have you ever been at the hub on a day like today?
    it’s a goddamn chudstuffer jabba the slutt, circus.

  • Drive by everyday type of gal
    May 17, 2017 at 5:30 pm

    Lol…. I must say this was epic seeing I I’ve in between main and park ave.
    Anywho “Thomas” gosh I hate when he presses that walk button holding the traffic all the way down Hammond street, but on the bright side he cleans up his mess after 12 plus hours of begging until the other crackheads show up…
    Now that guy across from McDonald’s sitting in the chair he does that in rain, snow, heat i dont think the wheather is bothersome to him and I’m almost 100% sure he lives inside the veteran building just up the street. My father is a elder who lives inside the old folks home across from it and I’m sure if you speak to him he might give u a sight for Sore Eyes……

  • The Wall
    May 17, 2017 at 5:05 pm

    Did anyone catch that fucking guy rapping (boom box, microphone and all) on Main St. this afternoon?

    • TurtleLover
      May 17, 2017 at 6:41 pm

      OH MY GOD!!! Those self proclaimed fucking rap stars make me physically ill. I want to run up on them and kick them right in the fucking head!! I hate those assholes!

  • JoeMomma
    May 17, 2017 at 4:17 pm

    It was 80 today?
    Didn’t know since I was at work.
    Those EBT cards don’t fill themselves…….

  • Strata
    May 17, 2017 at 3:57 pm

    TB, this “take” was lame. Yawn …. you can do better than random pics of people like this

  • whatevuh
    May 17, 2017 at 3:51 pm

    Never a good sniper around when you need one

  • mystressovmayhem
    May 17, 2017 at 2:48 pm

    Well with that glorious recommendation! I will ask Siri to scrub it from my Google maps! Lol

  • Mark D
    May 17, 2017 at 1:47 pm

    nice place to visit but i wouldn’t want to live there

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