Earlier in the week someone posted on the Discussing Fitchburg Now Facebook page about a State Police raid taking place at Adopt a Video in Leominster.
I’ve seen this place many times on my way to Athens Pizza and always wondered how the hell some random, non-corporate video store was still in business. Selling old DVD’s and games? Come on now, nobody’s buying that. Netflix killed Blockbuster, but Adopt a Video in Leominster was still thriving?
First thought when I saw this was “it’s gotta be kiddie porn.” Speculation began to arise in the best local gossip group on Facebook.
The store owner’s daughter quickly jumped to her Pa Duke’s defense.
But she would soon come to regret that choice as it turns out this commenter right here knew exactly what was going on in that store:
She was 100% correct.
I’m not a criminal genius or anything, but I did watch Breaking Bad a few times, and I know that when you have that kind of unexplainable cash flow you need a solid business that acts as a believable business entity. Buy and sell DVD’s is probably the most conspicuous front in the history of organized crime.
As twisted as this is I almost respect the hustle. Would you prefer that junkies rob an innocent grandmother for their next fix, or some company that gave $5 million to black lives matter? If the junkies just went in there and said they were protesting for George Floyd then the Vice President would’ve bailed them out on the slim chance they actually got arrested anyway. Might as well put these junkies to work. Does this look like the face of a one-armed criminal mastermind who kept the shadiest store in the world afloat when all other video stores were dying out, while living in a $700K home in Lancaster?
Luckily bail didn’t cost him an arm and a leg, so he can still crank one out.
This is the risk you take when your entire workforce is composed of crackheads with warrants. Eventually they’re gonna get pulled over, one of them will be arrested for warrants, and the other one will get caught robbing a Home Depot and pawn some cordless drills to you so they can make bail. It’s really only a matter of time, and it’s a miracle that he lasted as long as he did (3 years!).
Turns out this isn’t the only store he’s done this at either.
The only thing less believable than a thriving DVD store in 2021 is a thriving chain of them.
His girlfriend Paulette died under shady circumstances a couple years ago, and his ex-wife Caroline died after suffering from addiction in 2012. He was not listed in the obituary.
Holy cow, this guy is the one-armed Giannetti! Profiting off junkies and leaving a trail of dead women behind him. Except his kids still love him, he didn’t get high on his own supply, and he was wildly more successful.
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Does he have a Dewalt Table saw? I’ve been looking for a deal on one of these for a while.
I went in to his store to buy cheap stolen goods, but all he did was try and get me to rent a VHS copy of Ace Ventura 2
So get this shit. One time I stole a canoe from this child molesting fag. I brought it to this guy and he paid me top dollar. I totally recommend this business. Plus he gives an extra 5 spot for dudes that steal from his fans. I gave him your number.
Sorta like tanning salons in Florida.
I’ve killed waaaayyy more broads than this guy. One arm? Ha! I got one tooth!
Bad ass! Someone give this man a hand! …but seriously though…”he was just tryna support he family the only Way he knows how cuz he hani capped n all so he gotta steel to survive cuz ain’t no ones gonna help him he gots to help he self”….this has been a test of your reasoning ability….Now we all know that’s satire, and totally unrealistic… but just imagine if he was black…we would be hearing that on every news station from here to California.
I went in there to rent’ Back to the Future’ a couple of years ago and he tried to sell me a Hammer.
I guess I was the only one actually renting tapes from him.
Looks like I get to keep the Jonbenet Ramsey porn, HAH! Jokes on you John!
I knew something was fishy in there when I went in to rent Gremlins last week and he tried to sell me a refrigerator!
Milwaukee is cheap shit from the depot (house branded). Why steal that shit when Porter Cable & Metabo are available. Congrats on your DeWalt collection thou.
Dad, why you still have not visit me?
I stood in that corner with your sign during elections (I admit I may have sold a bad or two, but that was in preparation to our outing).
If you list an arm I would not v
Care, I would give you one of mines, or help you out, I am pretty handy.
Would it make you happy if I got a turtle tattoo on my cheek? Dad,….. ? Dad……? Papi? 🙁
That is all!
I just want to know about the missing arm. Thanks!
That is all.
I’m just saying!
Call the Postal Service Inspector, I think we’ve found out who’s been stealing all of our plastic mail tubs.
I would stick my 4 inch cocktail weenie in his daughters peeper.
I really miss the Good Old Days of stolen credit cards (the ones taken right out of the mail at Logan Airport in the 90’s). We used to hang out on Sunday mornings at the corner Bucket of Blood. Reading the advertisements in the Sunday Globe. Just circle what we wanted and a runner would come in. Pick up the order and deliver the goods later on that afternoon…we paid 30-40% of retail…after they killed that Broad Susan Taraskiewicz working for Northwest Airlines. The credit cards dried up
That is all.
Too much inventory, too few turns
Law Enforcement usually can spot a Front pretty quickly, but they have to build a case before making the bust. Barber Shops, Pizza Parlors, Bodegas, you get the idea…
That is all.
A one armed bandit. The irony…..
Me and him were an item back in the day. I knew he was crazy. That drive from Webster to leominster was a bitch.
I think give away was his special for renting a beta max Video
I would be interested in buying any surplus beta max skin flicks.
You didn’t write about the most important part about this gentleman……,what pronouns did he use on his twitter account.
When I came home, there was a man in my house. I fought with this man. He had a mechanical arm. You find this man. You find this man.
Excellent, excellent obscure reference.
Dr. Richard Kimble! There’s no way out of here, Richard! The entire building is locked down! Give it up Richard, you don’t have any time, Chicago police department thinks you’re a cop killer, they will shoot you on sight! I know you’re innocent! I know about Frederick Sykes! I know about Dr. Charles Nichols!
All right, listen up, ladies and gentlemen, our fugitive has been on the run for ninety minutes. Average foot speed over uneven ground, barring injuries, is 4 miles per hour. That gives us a radius of six miles. What I want from each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in that area. Checkpoints go up at fifteen miles. Your fugitive’s name is Dr. Richard Kimble. Go get him.
That a one arm ugly dude still gets more action than him.
BUILD THE WALL!!!
Can he sell me 20 minutes or so with his dead girlfriend?