Hoodrat Heroes

Pawtucket XannyZombie Who Previously Messaged Turtleboy Looking To Buy Xanax And Declared War On Turtle Riders Is On Video Smoking Crack Cocaine Behind The Wheel, But It’s Ok Because 2019 Is Her Year

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God Bless the Internet and every single ratchet who spews their garbage all over it. Recently I was treated to a reliving of one of my favorite moments in Turtleboy when who ended up back in our inbox yet again, but the pawtucket junkbunny who mistook someone tagging Turtleboy in a post looking for drugs as Turtleboy being the one to cop those drugs from.



Magnificent. Honestly, you guys should start tagging us in every single “Do you have [insert poor life decision here] for sale?” post you see – just to keep the dice rolling on this one. This sort of shit is gold.

This then lead to Jessica wisely declaring all out war on Turtle Riders, despite being a potential backpage hooker who lost custody of her kid and possibly a pregnancy due to drug use, too.


Well, she’s back, and true to her ultra learned and classy roots, on camera smoking crack rock behind the wheel of a moving vehicle.


Mother of the year, everybody!

No big deal, though. She’s just taking both hands off the wheel to light up a hot glass pipe, ingesting a drug that gets you high by way of the precursor to a stroke. Nothing to see here. Looks like it’s been a busy 2018 for Miss Kane, with the crack smoking while operating a vehicle,


Getting stabbed,


Cashing in on dubious sounding lawsuits,

Serving jail time,


Court appearances,


And of course, looking for drugs on the ‘Book.


It’s all good though, because that video was “a long time ago” and 2019 is totally going to be her year!

Despite apparently walking out of treatment as soon as she posted, and shitting all over her parents for not picking her bum ass up from walking away from drug treatment fast enough.


Transformation Tuesday, everybody! I’m honestly confused as to why she even responded to the video, simply because I had to take a double triple take to be sure it was even her. Seriously, she’s a fucking ghetto chameleon capable of filtering her photos into 10 different people.


For someone who’s been in a court room as much as she seems to have been, she sure doesn’t understand the concept of “plausible deniability”.


Anyway, Jessica, I find you fascinating and would absolutely love to discuss your lifetime of failure and shame on Turtleboy live this weekend. If you can convince me that you are in fact clean, sober and taking advantage of the magical second chance the recent calendar year change has bestowed upon you, I will even take down this blog. Call me, girl!


21 Comment(s)
  • The angry taint
    The angry taint
    January 23, 2019 at 8:32 am

    Not rooting for her, fuck off with your worn out wizard sleeve

  • Nicky from The Deer Hunter
    January 22, 2019 at 7:38 pm

    I feel it’d be a toss up on which torture to accept given the choice……..

    RawDogging this twat or playing a round of Russian roulette would be an equal
    physical/mental torture.

  • dball31211
    January 22, 2019 at 6:06 pm

    i hope she makes it. its always possible.
    but if you cant give it up for you’re own child
    then chances are slim.

  • spank bank
    January 22, 2019 at 4:11 pm

    Definitely a sexy chick. Quite the psycho train wreck as well. Hopefully she is clean and remains so, for the sake of her kid and her parents.

  • WeeblesWobble
    January 22, 2019 at 3:15 pm

    Why do I get the feeling that Angelo has played hide the sausage with her?

  • randiguy2006
    Randall Guy
    January 22, 2019 at 2:54 pm

    Good for her. I’m rooting for her.

  • Sausagewallet
    January 22, 2019 at 2:34 pm

    She best belongs in a petting zoo. Instead of inserting a quarter for farm animal feed one could feed her “xanny” pellets. Problem solved

    • Roger
      January 22, 2019 at 8:21 pm

      Hahah so fucked but made me laugh lol

  • Captain Trips
    Rambo, John J
    January 22, 2019 at 2:12 pm

    I hope someone smashes into me on the road while smoking crack. If I notice a crack pipe in their car at the accident scene I’ll break their fucking necks and place them back in their car in awkward positions like the crash killed em

    Fuck dopers

  • Let me up, I've had enough
    January 22, 2019 at 1:48 pm

    I understand why she is on TBS, however I for one am rooting for her to make it. This chick is an absolute total trainwreck. Check out those posts. Shootings, stabbings, jail, etc…. Her poor parents. The turmoil & anguish they must be experiencing.

    There is life without drugs & alcohol. Girl – Sort your life out. Please.

    • Captain Trips
      Captain Trips
      January 22, 2019 at 2:14 pm

      I’m rooting for either a hot Fentanyl dose or smoking rat poison in place of crack.

    • Lola Bunny
      January 22, 2019 at 5:27 pm

      Agreed- this is sad seeing her family’s posts from FB, they actually just seem normal and very worried. She’s a beautiful girl too what a waste. Honestly I usually (sadistically) like TB stories to smugly feel awesome about my life compared to all these people with their mega issues. Every once and while I feel really bad for some of them but I keep it to myself. I know this is a rough crowd here in the comment section lol

  • z
    January 22, 2019 at 10:55 am

    The video shows leaves on the trees. I don’t care when it was posted.
    When was it recorded?
    She’s not denying that she was using when there was leaves on the trees.
    If she’s currently clean and stays that way, congratulate her.

    • Fred Knessl
      January 22, 2019 at 11:14 am

      Yeah, I feel the same way. I also feel for her parents and her kid too. Wishing her well in sobriety, where succeeding is more about staying out of your old life (acquaintances, friends, Diego from the corner) than it is about staying clean. It’s just too much of a draw back into the life.
      Replace all that with healthy stuff, sustain it, get your kid back and get on with your life addiction-free. You can do it.

      • z
        January 22, 2019 at 1:04 pm

        We’ll my sisters nephew ODed and died in PA overnight. My sister called me this morning and was crying. I hadn’t seen the kid in years. She was on the phone with him yesterday.

        I do believe that the “Disease” is real to the extent that some are genetically susceptible. The kids father was an alcoholic and died. 1 cousin had a drug problem and supposedly licked it.

        Another still has a problem, up and down, up and down, but supposedly the ups and downs are not that drastic.

        The parents of these people are moderately successful to extremely (like very rich). The one that licked it has a half-sister that has had 2 hit TV shows in the last 20 years. The old man was the chief lobbyist for a multi-billion dollar industry for eons and was based in Washington.

        That being said, you have to do it. No one can make you do anything. The most anyone can do is nudge your thinking in a certain direction. Unfortunately you can’t watch them 24/7 to keep them safe. Especially after they become adults.

        • Captain Trips
          Captain Trips
          January 22, 2019 at 2:17 pm

          Well I kicked it. Cold. Sweating, twitching, vomiting, crying for death. But I did it.

          I have no sympathy for those that ‘refuse to’

    • Wade Boggs-Taint
      January 22, 2019 at 4:58 pm

      Sometimes nature just needs to thin the herd. It’s the universe’s way of keeping balance. It’s sad but a reality. It’s a shame because there’s a shortage of good cocksucking lips like those, so for the sake of future John’s everywhere I hope she turns it around

  • citypoint
    5 head
    January 22, 2019 at 10:54 am

    Hairline like Peyton Manning.

  • Sick of these Ratchet Fucks
    January 22, 2019 at 10:35 am

    I love the smell of a Pig Birch in the morning. She’s so piggy she smells like bacon. And she’s so bitchy she gives birth to litters.. Oink oink give me Xanax… Oink oink fuck you for hating.. Oink oink.

  • Sulfer Powder
    January 22, 2019 at 10:27 am

    Skank… Absolute spank. I bet her crotch smells like old hamburger.

  • John Q Public
    January 22, 2019 at 10:22 am

    Tattooed pig…

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