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If you’ve ever had the late night munchies and decided to hit up a fast food joint, only to find out that they’re closed, then you know how frustrating that can be. But apparently some of us handle disappointment better than others. Like this guy Derrick LaForst from Pittsfield, who basically just wrote the book for how NOT to handle yourself in this situation:
Berkshire Eagle: A city man was knocked unconscious early Thursday when he rammed his car into an unused ATM vestibule after becoming upset that Taco Bell was closed. Derrick C. LaForest, 33, allegedly told police he had, “no idea,” how he hit the building. Witnesses said LaForest, of Argyle Road, pulled up to the Taco Bell drive-thru window shortly after 1:30 a.m. and began honking his horn. When no one answered at the window, LaForest allegedly “laid on the horn for at least two minutes,” before a staff member went outside and told him the restaurant was closed.
LaForest then sped through the drive-thru lane and accelerated through the Taco Bell parking lot at high speeds, witnesses said. He then struck a curb, lost control of the car, hit a second curb and smashed into a small structure which formerly housed a TD Bank ATM. The vehicle’s airbag deployed and both it and the building suffered “extensive” damage, according to police. Several Taco Bell employees went to the car and dragged LaForest’s unconscious body out while police were en route.
Here is a hilarious recreation of this event that some guy put up on Youtube, which ends with actual footage of this guy’s insane crash:
Well, that’s certainly one way to handle it. What can ya say? The man really didn’t wanna settle for Burger King. The least surprising part is that he was listening to Creed before he did it. Because anyone who listens to Creed is probably a huge asshole.
We have a theory about what happened here, but first we have to look at Derrick LaForest’s background. For starters he was arrested two months ago when he got busted with over $20,000 worth of heroin labeled “blue magic.” The fact that this guy is selling heroin proves he’s obviously a waste of space human being. But he’s also so lazy that he can’t even come up with an original name for his drugs. Because “blue magic” was the kind of heroin that Denzel Washington was selling in Harlem in American Gangster.
To make matters worse, when he was arrested he had a girl in the car with him whose name couldn’t be reported because she’s a minor. He’s in his 30’s. Oh yea, and while he was being processed at the Cheshire State Police barracks he repeatedly threatened the booking trooper. His bail was set at $100,000, and somehow two months later he’s crashing cars into the ATM because he couldn’t get an 89 cent taco. How does this face come up with $100,000 for bail?
Awesome pube-stache bro.
Then there was that time in April of 2015 when he was charged with trafficking heroin. Oh yea, there was also that time when he was involved in a dispute in which the other guy rammed a snowplow into his Mercedes. Yes, somehow while you are struggling to make ends meet, dipshit McGee is driving a Mercedes:
A man from Pittsfield who authorities say intentionally rammed his snowplow into a Mercedes Benz, then threatened the other driver with a gun, has been held without bail. Christopher Davis was ruled dangerous by a judge on Monday and sent to jail without bail for four months. Prosecutors say the 31-year-old Davis blocked in a Mercedes driven by 32-year-old Derrick Laforest, then rammed the car with his pickup truck with an attached snowplow. Laforest says Davis pointed a handgun at him. The men had had previous disputes.
Good thing this guy was out on the streets. Wouldn’t want to put a guy in jail who is constantly getting involved in disputes, obviously pays no taxes but still owns luxury cars, and has been arrested multiple times for dealing heroin. That would make too much sense. Better off letting him roam the streets looking for Taco Bell.
So here’s what we think happened. This guy deals heroin for a living. So he probably had a few bags on him and he got freaked out when he saw the fuzz driving behind him. He knew that if he got busted again he might actually have to go to jail. So he took the baggies on him and swallowed them. Once he realized the cops weren’t after him he realized he had to get the bags back, but the problem was he was gonna have to shit them out. And where would you go if you needed something that could light your ass on fire for 89 cents?
Boom. Taco Bell. Mystery solved.
It doesn’t explain why he then decided to run his car into the TD Bank. But then again, that sad excuse for a mustache on his face doesn’t make much sense either.
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