Hoodrat Heroes

Pregnant Chick In The Middle Of Hoodrat Donnybrook Feeding Frenzy Is So Springfield It Hurts

Pregnant Chick In The Middle Of Hoodrat Donnybrook Feeding Frenzy Is So Springfield It Hurts

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It’s summer in Springfield, which can only mean one thing – World Star tryouts. Check out these hagbags fighting over who stole whose stamps on the South Side:


Oh man, wait until these chicks apply to grad school. This tape is definitely gonna keep them out of Harvard.

Everyone knows that in Springfield a fight cannot commence unless a pregnant chick lays down the rules of engagement:

Unfortunately for her she was rolling with the wrong crew. You can’t win a Springfield street fight if you show up with a pregnant chick, some EBT-Rex in Walmart shoes, and GI Jane with a cast:

And can we just talk about this gentleman for a moment?

I don’t know that guy, but I know Chico Suave has seen some shit over the years. That man right there is an OG. He’s seen ratchets come and go like the tide. And there was a 0.0% chance he wasn’t gonna be there to witness this ho-down.

Anyway, the fights were pretty one sided. Team prego chick gave it their best shot, but they were clearly overmatched. The chick in the black tank top pretty much got merced by the broad in the red shirt. And look who was right in the middle of it, trying to get black shirt out of there:

Yup. The expectant mother. You know that kid’s in good hands. I’m sure the taxpayers are gonna get a great return on their investment as they pay for the bare necessities for this child until he or she turns 18 and the cycle repeats itself.

According to the comments the pregnant chick’s name on Facebook is Jaii Hova:

And considering she lives in Springfield this is very likely her real name. And it’s perfectly normal that she put herself out there in the middle of a hoodrat feeding frenzy, even though she’s about to spit a human being out of her meat wallet. My apologies – she’s about to spit ANOTHER human being out of her stench trench. Because from the looks of her Facebook page this is far from her first child.

Oh, and guess who were favorite sportball team is?

Yea, the dooshnozzle rule applies to chicks too apparently.

When Jaii isn’t getting involved in fights while pregnant, you can find her clubbin all over Springfield

Or preparing herself for a drilling to remember, courtesy of one of Springfield’s finest yogurt slingers, while wearing matching Jordans:

Anyway, the whole fight looked like a third world country in the middle of a civil war after the UN dropped off some bags of flour and grain and got the fuck out of there.

After that fight was over it was time for round 2. This time the chick in the cast stepped up to the plate. Didn’t go too well at first:

And look who was on the sidelines doing crowd control and taking bets:

Chico Suave. Legend.

Anyway, Casty McGee was getting rocked at first:

But it turns out she was just biding her time to get some nice counters in:

Next thing you know you look over and another fight has broken out. Except once again it’s not much of a fight, and the lioness is devouring her pray as those lower on the food chain anxiously await their turn to pick the carcass.

Turns out the chick in the red who was involved in the first fight was a local legend named Ta-Neesha Jackson:

And you pretty much know when you give your child a first name that contains a hyphen in it, that their claim to fame in life will be winning Chico Suave a lot of money on hoodrat fights. As you can see, she warned bitches not to fuck with her, but their fleek game was weak, so they bout to catch dem hands, ya heard? On dawgs.

The post fight analysis was thoughtful and brought necessary closure for all parties involved:

The fact that black shirt’s street name is “Patty Mayonnaise” is the greatest thing I’ve ever heard.

 

The moral of the story is, never, ever go to Springfield.

 

 

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22 Comment(s)
  • Fed up with ignorance!
    July 30, 2017 at 7:22 pm

    Tptally fucking disgusted to see what looks like a full term pregnant woman in the middle of a huge ass brawl like there’s nothing wrong with it!! Fucking shame on you you sorry excuse for a mother!! Did anyone catch what the whole stupid fight was about anyways? It says stamps but I didn’t hear anything…

    • Fed up with ignorance!
      July 30, 2017 at 7:24 pm

      Totally*

  • They call me Ponch
    July 30, 2017 at 6:19 pm

    If Chicago and the Bulls are so all that, make it the site of the the new re-education camp. City of the Damned.

    Those videos are atrocious.

    Where’s Ed Markey and Pocahontas now?

    • Sonny's Mom
      July 30, 2017 at 10:14 pm

      Faux-cahontas and Mr Frosty have no worries, these sinkhole districts always come through for the Democrats.

  • Barney Miller
    July 30, 2017 at 6:08 pm

    Aww…Springfield! So glad I left that disaster years ago. Holyoke! So glad I left that disaster years ago. Massachusetts! So glad I left that disaster years ago!

  • The Vorlon
    The Vorlon
    July 30, 2017 at 2:57 pm

    Can we please drop a air tight dome over Springfield, and start pumping the air out?

    Next stop after that Holyoke!

  • Wabbitt
    wabbitt
    July 30, 2017 at 1:53 pm

    I’m curious about something…

    When exactly was it that shitbag, dumbass hoodrats switched from flat brimmed Yankees hats to flat brimmed Bulls hats? Because at one point it was definitely a Yankees hat that all of these idiots wore.

  • Make America great again
    July 30, 2017 at 10:22 am

    Why can’t the government come up with some Ratchet Raid the exterminate these cockroaches. Please !!!

  • Doctor Strangelove
    July 30, 2017 at 9:34 am

    Boston and NYC are now within North Korean nuclear missile range. That includes Springfield, Worcester etc. Nuk missile goes off course hits Springfield problem solved.

  • gfldgadfly
    July 30, 2017 at 9:19 am

    DeLeon makes some excellent points. Had to read it a few times to understand since the android Hood rat to English translator is still in Beta on the OS on my galaxy, but he’s spot on. Yall need some antibiotics n poitions, and niki ninja got ya gassed. HAHA EPIC. Get that dude on turtleboy live STAT!!!!

  • Dominican Domination
    July 30, 2017 at 8:30 am

    Diversity, whites are all rasist, street fights is our culture

  • Tisha
    July 30, 2017 at 8:18 am

    This is in the southend of Springfield, not everyone who lives in the city are like this. Unfortunately there’s this kinda crap everywhere take a look at Worcester, ratchetness happens everyday and not no ffs given. Get some Hispanic hoodrats and its all over. Smh

  • Savages
    July 30, 2017 at 8:17 am

    Work hard millions on welfare need your paycheque

  • Ghandi
    July 30, 2017 at 7:09 am

    We need more guns in the hood rat community, not fewer. Free ammo with every can of Natty Ice. Don’t settle your differences with your fists, shoot that bitch dead! It’s happening in Chiraq, IL and the welfare role will decrease by about 1000 this year. Lots of injuries, yes, only because they haven’t had proper weapons training which is what they need. If 10% of the population wipes itself out every year in shootouts, the problem gets solved pretty quickly.

    Peace!

    • Wabbitt
      wabbitt
      July 30, 2017 at 1:58 pm

      Your solution doesn’t work because these fuck nuggets reproduce so prodigiously that they’re operating at above replacement level. Anyone who gets wiped out – their kids just go to their parents (aka the shit sippers whose garbage parenting created the previous generation of ratchets). Then the cycle begins again.

  • Strata
    July 30, 2017 at 6:51 am

    There’s contributing members of society, and there’s non-contributing members of society. Thank a Liberal for what this country has become.

  • Pic(99)
    July 30, 2017 at 5:47 am

    If you were given an assignment to photograph an American Garbage Can, You
    Get an A+. Filthy welfare people – they even know Chinese kids are sitting in class
    studying science to create space weapons to kill them ? Instead they want their
    dope, some wings and some pussy come up to my crib…. God if I had to live life
    within 20km of any of them: Fat, uneducated, welfare dropouts eating that
    wonnacomeonuppa my crib… I’d kill myself.

  • Holly Housewife
    July 30, 2017 at 5:47 am

    Holy shit…
    Hoodrachet Ta-neeeeeesshhhaaaa actually used proper spelling in her post. There may still be salvation for her. Yeah. Nope. None. Sorry. Hoodratchet for life dawgs…..on fleek.

    • Wabbitt
      wabbitt
      July 30, 2017 at 1:54 pm

      On dawgs fam!

  • whatevuh
    Dick Hertz From Holden
    July 30, 2017 at 4:23 am

    Stay tuned for the next episode of ANIMAL PLANET, where we show these porch monkeys in there natural habitat

  • ktous720
    hahahaohreally
    July 30, 2017 at 1:39 am

    Patti you’re the pickle in my coleslaw, Patti you’re the sugar in my tea, Patti you’re the relish on my hot dog, Patti you’re the mayonnaise for me. WOAH WOAH WOAH!!
    Vice Principle Bone… lol
    Oh Doug was a great show, almost as entertaining as ratchet fights!

  • Hampden County Tax Payer
    July 30, 2017 at 12:06 am

    The only thing missing is the National Geographic logo to the bottom
    right corner. #SpringfieldIsAGhettoDump

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