All-Star Criminals

Providence Strippers Busted Offering $300 Knobjobs To Undercover Cops At Foxy Lady Were Destined To Be On Turtleboy 

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Providence’s most notorious strip club is shut down until further notice thanks to a little extra-extra going on in the back room.

Thank God the streets are safe from people engaging in consensual sex for a negotiated fee. Had the Johns just taken them out to dinner and pretended to give a shit about what they were saying so they could play hide the weapon of ass destruction in Mycraq, then it would be perfectly OK. But God forbid they just cut to the chase and get right down to business. That stuff only happens in uncivilized countries like Holland.

Ironically the cops got wise to this after investigating a stripper’s allegation of sexual assault by a customer in a backroom.


And even though the dancers should’ve known that 5-0 was lingering around they still couldn’t resist to offer up a complementary shining of the womb raider.

Damn, the wage gap is real for women of color. How’s the washed up Becky gonna charge $300 and the spicy looking Latina only go for $100? Das racist!

Then there was stripper #3, who was much, much less vague about her intentions.

No beating around the bush with her. Gimme $300 and I’m gonna give you a pole polishing to write home about.

Meanwhile the manager dinno nuffin.

Bitch please. You own a strip club in Providence. This is EXACTLY how you run your business. I just assumed it was happening and no one gave a shit, but evidently the murdering has been slowing down so they have time to put operation blue balls in place instead. This dude interviews people next to paintings of hookers flashing their gerber servers.

Ain’t shit going on in that club he doesn’t know about.

I couldn’t find Neigh Rivera on Facebook, because everybody knows Latinas are the hardest people to find on Facebook. I almost don’t even bother because they almost never use real names. It’s like ratchet Darwinism.

But the Becky’s were much easier. This is Melissa McNeely in all her glory.

That walking commercial for Hep-C was BORN to be a stripper. I can smell the Newport Lights and the stench of failure from here.

According to the Facebook machine she’s married.

To a guy who might be the biggest douchebag I’ve ever seen my entire life.

If there’s one thing that guy knows about it’s how to use money to plow your way through the GED express.

Meanwhile, miss “anything you want” has some impressive Google trophies of her own. Like that time her and some shady dude named Marquette from New Haven tried to get into an adult sex store with her two week old crotch fruit, were told children couldn’t come in, so she left the child unattended in a freezing car in the middle of January and got arrested.

Oh, and they both had their bails raised because she had so many other Google trophies in multiple states, and he was (to the shock of no one) involved in human trafficking, and was wearing an ankle bracelet.

On Thursday, the judge raised the bond on both Hoffman and Riggsbee significantly after hearing from the bail commissioner about both of their prior convictions. Hoffman’s bond was raised to $100,000 after the judge learned that she has several prior convictions in multiple states. Riggsbee’s bond was raised to $150,000 for his previous convictions, among them, promoting human trafficking. Police said Riggsbee was still wearing an ankle monitor from one of his previous convictions at the time of his arrest.

Not pumpkin spice human trafficking either. The real kind. Probably including her.

Anyway, if any of these three lovely ladies wants to come on Turtleboy Live Saturday night we would LOVE to have them on. Stripper appearances on the Live show are a thing of legends. We look forward to hearing from them.

19 Comment(s)
  • Nunyadamn business
    December 20, 2018 at 5:51 am

    I’m very disappointed that you don’t know the difference between sucking dick and eating a douche canoe. Your investigative skills suck and your “journalism” is a joke. Might be time to hang up the reporter cap as you suck more than those three smuttateers. I thought the last article you wrote was trash (the one where you revealed your true colors of being a closet bigot) but this is a dumpster fire. I think we are starting to see you for the overconfident overcompensating micropeen with a Napoleon complex that you really are.

  • Sad former squire & foxy customer
    December 13, 2018 at 8:23 pm

    Wow, the foxy lady has gone way down hill like the squire. Someone needs to tell this jew stripper that doorbell knockers in your nose don’t attract money. Shitty tats all over your skank body don’t attract money either. What money wants in a strip joint is no tats, no stupid piercings, bald pussy, and not fat. And nobody with a half brain wants to eat a strippers pussy even if paid to do so.

  • "At the Y"
    December 13, 2018 at 7:59 pm

    What? I can charge $300 for the box lunch? And to think, I’ve been giving that away for free this whole time! I bet even her husband (who I’m sure is also her pimp- I mean LOOK at that guy!) won’t even go near her Chlamydia Cavern any more.

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    December 13, 2018 at 2:59 pm

    Wow that’s a rough 3 years for Lindsay

  • randiguy2006
    Randall Guy
    December 13, 2018 at 11:16 am

    If TB doesn’t know the difference between a knob job and taco lunch how can we trust anything he says?


  • Hanginpossum
    December 13, 2018 at 10:35 am

    My divorce settlement probably came out to $10,000 per bj plus 20 years of child support so I can’t be one to criticize.

  • Y
    December 13, 2018 at 10:18 am

    • Abcdefghijerk
      December 13, 2018 at 1:14 pm

      Y..,Wrong chick

  • Ruined my breakfast
    December 13, 2018 at 7:34 am

    Wow, that is fucking gross. A stripper says she will allow a patron to eat her snatch for $300??? Holy fuck, you couldn’t pay me enough to put my mouth anywhere near a fucking stripper’s pussy!!! And she wants people to pay her??? The fact that she even offers that is very disturbing. That tells me that there have been people who either took her up on it or it opened the door for bargaining. Who in the fuck pays to eat a stripper’s pussy???

    • Didi from Cambridge
      December 13, 2018 at 10:30 am

      I do!

  • z
    December 13, 2018 at 6:54 am

    Commuting from Waterbury? WTF?

  • Exit 69
    December 13, 2018 at 6:09 am

    It never ceases to amaze me, where do women find these Gabroni’s? These Fuckin Mafia wannabe”s? She’s gross, but he is just a Fuckin joker. Meanwhile, a good bath with antibacterial soaps and a shot of penicillin would fix her right up!

  • Employee Must Urinate on Hands After Using Bathroom
    December 13, 2018 at 5:13 am

    She said the COP could GO DOWN on her and eat her pussy for $300, she didn’t offer a blowjob. It’s a minor point in the charges but a major point as in do men now pay women to eat their pussy? I didn’t know that was a thing.

    Who would eat a strippers pussy in a strip club??? It isn’t safe to put your mouth on a glass or bottle in a strip club.

    Mother Fucker… Please.. wash your hands or something.

    Viruses start to die immediately once they leave the skin of the infected person. Studies have shown that the secretions from an open herpes sore can survive outside the body for up to four hours.

    Hepatitis A Virus
    The hepatitis A virus, or HAV, is relatively hardy. In good conditions, it can survive outside the body for months. HAV can survive certain acids and some heat. For a period of time and under certain conditions, HAV can survive in sea water, dried feces and live oysters.

    Hepatitis B Virus
    The hepatitis B virus, or HBV, can still be infectious for up to a week outside the body.

    Hepatitis C Virus
    The hepatitis C virus, or HCV, can live outside the body for up to 4 days. However, many experts think it usually survives up to 16 hours at room temperature

  • The Vorlon
    The Vorlon
    December 13, 2018 at 1:05 am

    I don’t think it’s possible to get that drunk…

    • z
      December 13, 2018 at 9:25 am

      Maybe for a Vorlon.

      But, it doesn’t matter anyways. You can’t leave your suit, though some feel that is just a ruse.
      The Vorlons really don’t like to hang with anyone up close and personal anyways and gases were just to keep everyone away without asking questions.

      Yeah, I’m a Sci-Fi nerd, if it’s good Sci-Fi.

  • Reading is fundamental, numbnutz
    December 12, 2018 at 11:40 pm

    Nice work.
    McNeely offered to let the cop go down on her, not the other way around, FFS.
    I wouldn’t tickle her fancy with Bristol Turtlechick’s tongue and that’s going some…

  • Turdchomper
    December 12, 2018 at 10:20 pm

    I’d fuck her earlobe. 300 for a polish wtf I’ve been out of the loop a long time. 300 will get you a gfe hour with an escort ..apparantly these hep spreaders think their oral skills are amazing.

  • DaymWomyn
    December 12, 2018 at 10:00 pm

    Melissa in the tight gold dress made it move.

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