All-Star Criminals

Pube Face Killah Arrested By FBI In New Hampshire 5 Months After Promising Us He’d Kill Himself, Lectures Ho’s About How To Get A Quality Man Like Him


Does this name ring a bell?

Dawson Boston (real name), AKA the Pube Face Killah, makes his much anticipated return to Turtleboy Sports. Last time we heard from him he was getting visits from secret service after threatening to kill the President, then messaged us pretending to be both a police officer and a lawyer (from his own account), and vowed massive deformation lawsuits because he said he’s not really a drug dealer.

Turns out he was a drug dealer the whole time after all. And he must’ve been enough of a piece of shit that the feds were watching him too. Never doubt the turtle.

You may also recall that the last we heard from him he was on the live show threatening to kill himself so that Uncle Turtleboy ends up in jail. Sadly he’s still breathing and was free to sell poison to vulnerable people.

He’s taken down the videos of him and his homeys flashing guns on the Facebook machine.

But screenshots are forever. And so is this.

Since we last heard from him and he insisted that he wasn’t a drug dealer he’s been very productive. For instance, he’s been working on his burgeoning rap career, and performed at a show in Manchvegas. Tickets were wicked expensive and hard to get.

He’s got a new YouTube channel where he releases his latest hits which feature him sitting on beds in cheap motel rooms counting drug money.

Wicked smart.

And instead of saving his money he decided to spend it all on this lovely sportball ensemble.

Right down to the shoes.

The levels of ghettofication you have to crawl through in order to acquire that outfit is something I can’t even comprehend right now.

And if you’re ever feeling like you haven’t amounted to much in life just remind yourself that you could’ve ended up as a background dancer in one of Dawson Boston’s rap videos while he’s wearing that same outfit.

You can tell his rap career is going places since he already bagged himself a Rochester 6.

His newest shit shows that he’s apparently been adopted by some black dude named Nino Brown who likely uses him for free drugs.

Meanwhile he’s lecturing others about the dangers of drugs.

Translation – I’m too much of a pussy to actually sample the shit that I sell.

And finally he did a 90 second infomercial lecturing “y’all ho’s out here” about how to have respect for themselves.

“Get your shit right, get a job, get your life together.”

Yea ladies, you should all become drug dealers and YouTube rappers like the Pube Face Killah.

“Do you guys not want a good boyfriend? You’re never gonna find a good guy out there. You ain’t never gonna find a guy like me.”

How will the world of va-jean ever survive without Dawson Boston’s magic mushroom tip?

“I came from the mother fucking bottom.”

No, you’re about to BE the bottom in prison fuck boi. I’d invite you on the live show, but I don’t think the feds let you do that in prison.


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14 Comment(s)
  • Grammar Nazi
    August 20, 2019 at 10:07 pm

    “and vowed massive deformation lawsuits because he said he’s not really a drug dealer”
    Did you mean “massive defamation lawsuits?”

  • whatevuh
    August 17, 2019 at 6:35 am

    Surprise sex in the morning is the sweetest way to wake up . . . unless you’re in prison. Enjoy Dawson !

  • SassySwede
    August 17, 2019 at 2:21 am

    Well the mystery of what happened to all the material that was to be Underoos after they stopped making them has now been solved. lmao

  • Aspiring baby daddy
    August 16, 2019 at 9:28 pm

    This blog is incredible.

  • That Girl Was Me
    August 16, 2019 at 4:40 pm

    Satanic two legged goat in the background and a thumb ring. no thanks.

    at least he has good taste in baseball teams. i hope clayton kershaw pitches a heater right at his forehead.

  • george costanza
    The angry taint
    August 16, 2019 at 3:46 pm

    First, a rochester 6? damn you are generous. I instantly thought 4(maybe). second, that matching outfit makes me want to stomp the fleshy patch between his legs where his balls and cock should be. third, I would introduce his eyebrows but they already met. Fuck off Ken doll crotch!

    August 16, 2019 at 3:45 pm

    Good name, Dawson Boston, but no where near the level of ratchetness evident with Chevy Van Pickup, of Athol.

  • New Hamsha Wiggers Are the Most Humorous
    August 16, 2019 at 3:11 pm

    Most people phase out of Garanimals by kindergarten. Way to represent!

  • Paul Casale
    August 16, 2019 at 2:42 pm

    He’s actually not that bad. Too bad when he gets out of jail he will have to sell his dick to survive because he won’t be able to get a legitimate job or sell drugs again unless he wants to go back to jail.

  • z
    August 16, 2019 at 2:18 pm

    Actually he’s probably the best wanna be rapper you ever profiled. That’s not saying much, but he does have a bit of talent. Too bad he’s an asshole.

  • hartf811
    August 16, 2019 at 1:37 pm

    Kill yourself, Move to Canada, Break up Trumps NH rally. Same result: Bupkiss.
    Kids that live in mommy’s basement and rap all day turn out like Rob Reiner. Empty promises.

  • Spic Tormentor
    August 16, 2019 at 1:20 pm

    Another spic who does nothing but put a strain on society. If I were a prison guard I would beat this homo senseless on an hourly basis

  • Karma Bus
    Ratchesourous Rex
    August 16, 2019 at 1:08 pm

    YASSSS way to go! Fucking puke face faggot.

  • Puff Saddy
    August 16, 2019 at 1:06 pm

    What fourth world, squalor-ridden hovel was that ‘video’ shot at? It looks like a background scene from a Scooby Doo episode. The only thing worse than the rhymes is the skinny ass wigger in the Tom and Jerry long sleeve shirt. These kids are going places.

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