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Randy Hurley, Revere Ratchet Defender, Gets Caught In Desk Girl’s Web Of Ginger Love – Tells Deskie She’s Got Beautiful Eyes (Even Though One Of Them Is Lazy) And He Understands About The Party Cave Cysts

Looks like Deskie might be in love!
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About a week ago my Homegirl North Shore went down a rabbit hole of ratchet in Revere. It seemed like she picked at a herpe scab, starting with an ugly fight between junkie lesbians, that just wouldn’t stop bleeding. It even resulted in our first Turtleboy LIVE call in with Medford Pete.
One the ratchets that came out of the woodwork was Randy Hurley. He was a former addict who was friend-zoned by some skank named Sabrina.  
Well, seems Randy was trying so hard to defend her honor he resorted to lying to North Shore about his connections with some big political figures. She got pretty tired of it quick and send him to everyone’s favorite ginger.
Deskie initially missed the message between dumping and trips to the gyno, but as soon as she saw her new friend in the inbox, she was smitten. Randy, by all accounts, is a nice guy. Creepy, not all there, but seems pretty sincere.
The thing with Deskie is that we have treated her so lousy that if anyone is nice to her, even a little, she clings on to them like a Garfield doll on a station wagon window.  The abuse we give her makes her really good at her job. It also makes her kind of odd to deal with.



So, when Randy messaged her, asking for her by name, it was a match made in weirdo heaven.



He’s not thrown off by her brain injury or her weird description of her pussy orbs of fury! He actually giggles at them! WTAF?!

If reading Abi’s messages has taught me anything is that there REALLY is someone for everyone.

Lurid? More like putrid. I know you guys probably don’t remember the blog we wrote about Abi but she was straddling that poor dog and it looked like Scooby when he sees a ghost.


But while most people who encounter Desk Girl don’t know what to do/think… Randy was fascinated.



He actually wanted to know about the pustules. I also don’t think that Randy was hated enough for anyone to tell him to kill himself. He was just a dude trying to defend his friend.



Abi has PTSD too! I think hers stands for Poop Traumatic Splatter Disorder.
Here, Abi goes in for the kill. She’s throwing out the romance bait.


Now, the weird thing with Randy’s screenshots of his threats… is that it’s a new message. It seems he wrote them himself. I’m kind of happy about that because I didn’t think that our Turtleriders would go full tilt on this dude.


No Randy, Abi is not effing with you. She really is this weird. She also thinks that we don’t check her messages and she doesn’t read the blog to find out.  You may have found your genuine soul mate.


(He’s talking about the Xanny Goblin’s blog about her using suicide as a manipulation tool.)


Dude, you’re in love! Get her name right!


Only Deskie would be fucking weird enough to ask if someone’s late father was as delicious as her current man snack. What the frig Abi? Who DOES THAT?

And here is where I lost it. Finally, Abi has shared one of the pictures from the infamous lost blog about her. She edited it so you can’t see the dog suffocating on her Fupa, but here she is. In the flesh! Lazy eye and all!


And here is one of the greatest Freudian slips I’ve ever seen in my entire life…



There ya have it folks. The only person on the entire planet that has heard of the vaginal disorder that Abi claims to have. The one where lack of a good stuffing causes the polyps on her Sarlacc.

She’s so comfortable that she starts talking about the guy she’s been chasing for a decade. I’ve seen Cletus. He looks like Sloth from the Goonies. I’ve had nightmares thinking about what they would like if they procreated.

I had no idea about his time in jail or fondness for hookers. It’s pretty telling that he would rather pay someone else for a plowing but won’t give it to Abi for free.

And then Randy fills out the form…

I have to say that this is the best filled out form I’ve ever seen. Around this time Abi had an IBS attack (which I think is just because she eats so much Taco Bell) and announced to the office that she had found the man of her dreams before running to the bathroom. North Shore and I exchanged a maniacal glare and ran over to the computer to see what happened. We couldn’t stop laughing and played a quick game of Rock Paper Scissors to see who was going to jump in.  North Shore beat me.

While Abi was dumping, North Shore and I teamed up and switched around the inbox, placing the message Deskie was frantically looking for in the “done” folder.

We blocked Randy from her Facebook and email.

Abi came out of the office bathroom thirty minutes later fluttering around like a cracked-out butterfly, sat at her desk, and began to flip out. The message from her Randy was gone. She went from top of the world back to having to tickle her tuna sandwich over Cletus.

I know, I know! You guys think we are evil but if she falls in love and leaves us then we will have to answer all the messages from the ratchets on our own. We can’t have that happen. I just hope she doesn’t see this blog because we may get capped at work.


9 Comment(s)
  • Deskie Garglesmanutz
    May 12, 2017 at 1:09 pm

    Anyone else notice he has the same eyebrows as that whore from Plymouth that can’t drive because she’s a dumb woman?

    Also, if you put in fake, common email addresses and ask to be notified of follow up comments, some random person will get it and see that you’re making horrible comments and tying them to their email.

  • Iwanna Boxdeskiesturtle
    May 12, 2017 at 12:28 pm

    Lol Funny how this retard comes clean and admits he’s a lying piece of shit but the kid pretending he heard racist words at Fenway was given the opportunity to admit he was lying and he wouldn’t do it. See what a little love can do?

    • Randy
      May 12, 2017 at 7:03 pm

      I did come clean what do you mean and I didn’t hear racist words it was about suicide so get your facts straight read the post and when it came I come clean I did read my comments on the post and I’m not hiding I’m right here

      • Randy is a pedophile piece of shit
        May 14, 2017 at 1:11 pm

        Are you fuckin retarded? Maybe YOU should kill yourself you dumb beta male cuck. Do you even understand English? So here’s a fact. You’re a cross dressing homo. Since you’re so stupid, here is what I said:

        Funny how this retard (YOU) comes clean and admits he’s (YOU) a lying piece of shit but the kid (SOMEONE FUCKIN ELSE) pretending he heard racist words at Fenway was given the opportunity to admit he was lying and he wouldn’t do it. See what a little love can do?

        Now that we all know how retarded you are, take that fuckin helmet off and fist yourself with it.

  • Bleeding Heart
    May 11, 2017 at 10:03 pm

    I think you should put down the blog about Randy. He’s come clean and admitted his mistakes. I love Turtleboy and support publicly-shaming people who deserve it (especially those who endanger children) but this seems unnecessary.

    • Randy
      May 12, 2017 at 1:06 am

      It’s doesn’t matter to them as long as they get more readers, even people who don’t follow them anymore still like the page so it is what it is I guess they wanna call me a creep fine the conversation basically ended if she needed a friend I was there I could understand her situation cause it was similar I owned up to my shit but they don’t care, all they care about is getting more likes and subscribers

  • Turd Burglestein
    May 11, 2017 at 4:42 pm

    HaHa Man…that was an epic message session you 2 had. It takes a special kind of talent to come up with that diaolgue you had going. I can’t wait to see the next one.

  • MrSmiley
    May 11, 2017 at 2:58 pm

    Anyone remember third rock from the sun? Dude is Harry’s twin.

  • KimberlyS
    May 11, 2017 at 2:57 pm

    It’s just like Romeo & Juliet!

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