• Reader Email: I Broke Up With My Boyfriend And Then Got Upset When I Went Through His iPad And Found Out He Signed Up For Dating Sites And Wasn’t Hung Up On Me



    Reader Email: I Broke Up With My Boyfriend And Then Got Upset When I Went Through His iPad And Found Out He Signed Up For Dating Sites And Wasn’t Hung Up On Me

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    A couple weeks ago we toyed with the idea of Turtleboy sharing love stories from turtle riders and us giving our honest opinion on them. Well today we got this in the mailbox from a chick going through a break up (names have been changed):

    Hello, I just got out of a 2 1/2 year relationship. For the past few months, my boyfriend Jiggaroach and I have been fighting a lot and deep down it just didn’t seem like he was the one for me. But, he continued to say things like “Laqueefa, I love you and wanna spend the rest of my life with you” and all that NONSENSE. From my perspective we had different views on a lot, but we seemed like the perfect couple. He was looking to settle down, buy a house etc- but I wasn’t ready for that just yet. We decided that breaking up would be best a few days ago.

    Well, as I was packing my belongings up in our apartment tonight he left his iPad out. So just being a girl, I decided to browse and see if there was any discussions with his friends about our relationship being over etc. Nothing at all about our relationship. Just texts to a bunch of ratchet girls. I also happened to see he had 4 dating apps downloaded on his phone- even better he used the name “Kevin Lynch.” It breaks my heart to see that this activity started back in October and I am kicking myself for not knowing. He never acted suspicious or anything, I always trusted him. Never in a million years would I have expected this. On numerous occasions he told me he’d jump in front of a bullet for me. But why do that when you can cheat instead?

    Anyways, I ripped up all the memories we had in pictures and every last memory of him. His last name happens to be Guttermuppet and it fits him well – he’s a real dick. I am trying to make this go viral to destroy the minimal reputation he had and as a lesson for any girls having doubts in their relationships. Can you please help? Let me know if you need more information! I have pictures of some of the conversations he has had on the apps.

    Alright first of all, I immediately sided with the guy as soon as I saw this:

    Well, as I was packing my belongings up in our apartment tonight he left his iPad out. So just being a girl, I decided to browse and see if there was any discussions with his friends about our relationship being over etc.

    “Just being a girl.” Nah, that’s just being a nosy psycho. You already broke up with him at this point. You have no right to go through any of his shit. It’s none of your business what he’s doing. Both of you should be looking towards the future, but instead you’re dwelling on the past. 

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    And she seemed genuinely upset about what she found:

    “Nothing at all about our relationship.”

    Wait…..you mean he’s not texting all his friends and crying himself to sleep about the breakup? Because that’s exactly what she wanted to find. And then when she didn’t find it she assumed that he didn’t care about her.

    As for the dating apps and text messages to alleged “ratchets,” what do you expect him to do? He realized you were a dead end street. Dude was looking at his five year plan, as anyone in their mid to late 20’s, or early 30’s would do. If you’re 27 or 28 and you’re single, you have to realize that if you start dating a chick now and you end up getting married, you’re not gonna have any kids until you’re at least 31 or 32. And that’s if you fast track it. The guy realized that every day was precious and since it clearly wasn’t working out with you he might as well get started looking for the next one. And more power to him.

    Then there’s this:

    “He was looking to settle down, buy a house etc- but I wasn’t ready for that just yet.”

    Translation – he wanted a woman he could marry and start a family with, and I was like, “But what about Friday nights at the Blarney?” This is a rarity by the way. A situation where the guy wants to settle down but the girl doesn’t. That should be a red flag for dudes everywhere. Under no circumstances should it ever be you trying to convince her to settle down. It should always be the opposite. Men need to be tamed by a good woman, not vice versa.

    Lastly, the fact that this chick thought this was “viral” worthy, makes me believe this dude is making the right choice. There’s nothing in this letter that outright says he cheated. Nothing. And even if there was, so what? That’s not “viral” worthy. Not even close. People get cheated on all the time. You’re not special. And anyone who is willing to use Turtleboy as a vehicle to destroy you because she opened up your iPad and saw that you started a preempive dating profile is someone you should stay far, far away from.

    Anyway, as you can see we chose not to drag either of these two people into this by listing their names. I think if we wanna keep doing blogs like this in the future we’re gonna have to change the names or else people will be hesitant to send us stories. Just understand that if you do send us your stories we will not blow you up, because we appreciate the risk you’re taking by messaging us. We wanna be able to give our advice and hear back from turtle riders without destroying innocent people. So don’t be bashful, and sent us your stories and Dr. Turtleboy will give you the best advice you’ve ever gotten.

     

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    Discussion

    1. First


      This is a great idea!

    2. Alex C


      LOL! We made Turtleboy post something other than facebook screenshots!

      Good guys win!

      Definitely send your personal plights to this knucklehead, he will surely treat you with loving kindness and respect.

    3. Turd Burglestein


      Some advice for single men…

      Don’t marry or date a feminist because she has an ax to grind, and someday you’ll become her target.

      Don’t marry or date a feminist because she’s unable to give for the sake of giving. Feminists always tally up a score.

      Don’t marry or date a feminist because family will not come first. Her career will.

      Don’t marry a feminist because equality, not marriage, is her ultimate goal. And for marriage to work, the focus and commitment has to be marriage.

      Don’t marry a feminist because if you get divorced, which you likely will since competitive relationships don’t last, she’ll blame you — and then use your kids as a weapon.

      Don’t marry a feminist because you’ll never be happy. Feminists are perpetually angry and dissatisfied and have no sense of humor.

      1. Fiesty Turtle Lady


        *slow clap*

        Well said.

    4. Wtf


      Booooring! I want more ratchet vs deskie! That shit is funny , every single time. Lmao.

      1. Alex C


        This blog is so washed up.

        Facebook screenshots, Dollar Store Ann Landers. Next: curb alerts for old mattresses and sofas. (With commentary about how he scooped T&G on the mattress story.)

    5. They call me Ponch


      Evel Knievel once said in a Penthouse interview, ” when I find out a broad is a feminist, I just fuck ’em a little harder”.
      I’m paraphrasing from memory obviously.

    6. Chris


      He cancelled his “live show” tonight too. HA! We own his head.

      And Friday we’ll wipe him right back off Facebook. Good guys win!

    7. Jack mehoffer


      I liked it better when el pres did this on barstool.

    8. Tentpiglet


      Can you at least post *her* dating profile name so the rest of us dudes can avoid this psycho?

    9. Alex C loves Cock


      Go get it DONE guy.

      1. Alex C


        LOL.

        That’s right. Let the hate flow through you! Or you know, post some good posts.

    10. Hmmm


      I totally side with the guy and I’m a chick myself! Was wondering if people can send in any anonymous posts about any issues for feedback? I have an interesting story

    11. Independent Thinker


      Some people just aren’t happy unless they are unhappy, because they thrive on the sympathy they often get from others when things are going wrong in their lives. There are also those who are not happy unless those around them are miserable.

      These types of people should not breed because they will pass this genetic character trait onto their offspring.

    12. Alex C


      This sounds like an ex of mine. I left my computer unlocked one night during Netflix and chill time, and the bitch got all Nancy Drew and started snooping…

      She started with my browser history and went right to my NAMBLA account… posted some real f’d up stuff. None of the boys and only a few of the dudes will even talk to me anymore.

      Then she somehow figured out the password on my encrypted drive… HotCubScoutBoy… No idea how she figured that one out… Next thing I know, the cops have a warrant and my computer is “evidence”.

      Bitches ain’t nothing but trouble. I never have these issues with the boys…

      1. Kevi bashed in my skull


        So the blog is washed up yet you post 3 times. Ya got a thing for this Turtle fella?

    13. Mark D


      Alex C and Chris are the 2 biggest butthurts in all of Turtleville

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