You may have gotten drunk in your lifetime, but have you ever been “hit a full parking lot’s worth of cars in slow motion drunk?” before, bruh?
Chris Paolissi has,
and it took 3 days worth of headlines for the police and media to even get a full damage toll.
“A Foster man was arrested Tuesday afternoon after police say he hit dozens of cars in Providence while driving erratically.
According to the Providence Police Commander Thomas Verdi, officers received reports that a truck was driving slowly – but erratically – on the city’s south side.
While driving at approximately 15 mph, Verdi said the driver hit 35 vehicles and continued on before being taken into custody at the corner of Elmwood and Lexington Avenues.
Verdi said of the 35 cars hit, only one of them had a person inside. No injuries were reported.
The driver, identified as Christopher Paolissi, was suspected of DUI and transported to Rhode Island Hospital where he submitted a blood test.
Paolissi was arrested on several charges including DUI, reckless driving and failure to stop during an accident involving an attended vehicle.”
A day later the number was up to 41….
Before finally settling on the grand total of 44, right in time for him to face the judge.
“One day after police said he left a trail of destruction in Providence, a Foster man appeared in court Wednesday morning to face several charges.
Christopher Paolissi is accused of hitting 44 cars with his vehicle while driving under the influence.
He was arraigned on charges of operating a motor vehicle under the influence, operating on a public highway in a reckless manner, and failure to stop and remain a the scene.
Bail was set at $7,500 with surety and a March 19 pretrial was set.
Paolissi was referred to pretrial services for alcohol/substance abuse assessment.”
But ahhhh…..who’s counting, amirite? Go big, or go home.
Chris probably should have just gone home.
That seems like a lot of damage for his truck to sustain for him to just keep on plowing through parked care after parked car. He must’ve gotten so shithoused he forgot he was driving home tanked, instead of playing a really intense game of GTA 5.
Eh, it’s Providence, RI, close enough. The hookers are just less appealing. Honest mistake?
But seriously, 44 cars, at 15 miles per hour. Holy shit. This guy hit everything except the lottery. This is definitely one call Jake from State Farm is not going to enjoy getting.
And although Chris’s Facebook page is pretty locked down, hilariously this is the first and only post is this gem of a business proposition:
Yeah, that’s gonna be a hard pass from me, dawg.
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