Hoodrat Heroes

Southbridge Astrojizzasicists Defend Good Name Of Coke Dealer On SPD Facebook Page After Being Sentenced To 5 Years In Prison

Southbridge Astrojizzasicists Defend Good Name Of Coke Dealer On SPD Facebook Page After Being Sentenced To 5 Years In Prison

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More ratchetry out of the Kingdom of Southbridge……

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A dumbass poopbrain in Southbridge selling cocaine to an undercover? Never thought I’d see the day. Stuff like this isn’t even news in Southbridge. It’s just business as usual. The story isn’t that some lowlife slugrake was sentenced to prison for five years for selling poison, the story is the amazing commentary that followed shortly thereafter from some of Southbridge’s finest.

It started off with a spinoff of the age old hoodrat creed – “If you don’t know him you best not be speaking his name, only God can judge”...

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Serena Hemingway-Laythe, Jess Mestre, and Melissa Hemingway would take it from there. From that point on whenever someone had some smart ass thing to say about this law-abiding, model citizen of the Bridge, the gloves came off. For instance, some people that the five year sentence for a repeat offender was a little bit lenient. Wrong!!

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Because….of course he has children with some random chick from Southbridge he knocked up. Lots of responsible parents sell drugs, knowing full well that if they’re caught their children will no longer have a father.

Turns out Jess Mestre is the baby momma. And as you can see from the commentary on the pic of her and her sperm donor, she has “declared in the name of Jesus” that he will be home soon:

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So it looks like they have nothing to worry about. After all, it’s been declared in the name of Jesus. And everyone knows Jesus had a thing for drug dealers from Southbridge.

Oh, and if you have a problem with drug dealers like him, then you’re a cracker:

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It’s true. I watched Scarface a couple of times. This puts Turtleboy on the same moral level as a coke dealer. Because enjoying Hollywood depictions of drug dealing, and actually participating in drug dealing yourself are the exact same thing. Definitely.

Don’t get it twisted though – she’s not defending what he did. She’s just pointing out that he “made a mistake”

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When Turtleboy makes a mistake the grammar Nazis tell us they’re not reading our blog anymore. When her boo makes a mistake he gets five years in prison. Once again, these things are equal.

Then there’s this:

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OK then…

Melissa Hemingway is evidently his aunt, and home girl don’t play when it comes to fam:

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Cracker? Sounds kind of racist. Why you so racist Melissa?

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Oh right, you’re Latin American. You can’t be racist. I forgot. The best part about that sentence is her calling the guy a racial slur, and then in the very next breath stating that she’s FAR from racist.

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She made a good point though – most people have been drug dealers at one point in their life, if they’re not dealing drugs already:

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Love the Hippocrates reference at the end. She must be a doctor.

Oh, and if you have anything to say to her then you best shut the fuck up and “respect your elders”:

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Because this chick might only be 38 years old, but that’s 67 in Southbridge years.


It’s OK though, because on September 11th she reminded us all what happened:

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I totally forgot about the September 11th attacks until Melissa Hemingway changed her profile picture. Now I remember.

Someone warned Melissa that she was basically auditioning for a Turtleboy blog, but she told them they were wack ass mofos:

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She’s right. Crackers always have something to say. Especially Ritz brand. Those crackers always be talking back.

Others pointed out that nobody had shit to say when he was free:

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Look, if Serena is taking time out of her busy day to make sure that bitches aren’t talking shit on the Facebook machine, then you know that this was a REALLY important message that had to be delivered. After all, she’s a very busy woman who has to come up with a new way to pose for 100 new Facebook profile selfies every day.

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Anyway, obviously these chicks have their priorities straight. I know if I had a loved one sentenced to five years in prison the first thing I’d be doing is policing the Internet to see if anyone was saying something negative about my drug dealing family member. And I’d make sure to write nonsensical rambling paragraphs about what a great person he is if you only got to know him.



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35 Comment(s)
  • Madcow not Rachel
    March 31, 2017 at 7:23 pm

    The whole fucking gaggle of them are a Special Kind of Stupid……..WTF !!!!!!!!!

  • FatFingr Lou
    March 31, 2017 at 4:54 pm

    “Astrojizzasicists” That’s some wordsmithing George Clinton might appreciate!

  • Francesca Guerrero
    March 31, 2017 at 4:12 pm

    This needs to get taken down right now. That “random girl” he knocked up happens to be my sister and she is far from “random” as they have been together for almost 10 years. And although I do not agree with his actions, Jess has the right to defend the father of her child. If this does not come down now I WILL be getting in touch with my lawyer. And will press charges for defamation of character. My niece already has enough to deal with her father being in jail, she doesn’t need to see her mother being put down for defending her father. This is bullshit. How dare you write articles on something you know nothing about. Take it down or else!

    • ZephyrCat
      March 31, 2017 at 5:16 pm

      Oh Francesco, you should really stop now. Ignore it and it will pass. Throw up a stitstorm of protest and I promise it will not go well for you. Don’t. Poke. The. Turtle. And c’mon Fran, don’t be a dope. You can’t really defend that dipshit just because he mingled semen into your bloodline. More importantly the first thing you might want to do is teach her how to speak the king’s english and not ghettotrash.

      • Vete pal carajo
        March 31, 2017 at 7:57 pm

        I’m not defending HIM. I’m defending her. I can poke at whoever I want. This is wrong and legal action will be taken.

    • Madcow not Rachel
      March 31, 2017 at 7:32 pm

      Atty. Vulva gunna bee ah bizzy nigga.

  • ZephyrCat
    March 31, 2017 at 3:29 pm

    I re-read some of the comments the dirtbags made. It actually takes more effort to make each word look as if they were written by a drunk alzheimers patient. Are they really truly that stupid or are they trying to look “all that” by looking as illiterate and stupid as possible? And I was actually sad to read a comment saying this is not something you see in the south. Yeah, I’m 52 so I remember Run DMC in their prime. Rap wasn’t total shit then. A lot of it was fun. But then the recording industry got the great idea to hand deals to ex-cons, drug dealers, murderers and pimps because….ya know… it be more real that way. It tapped into teen angst and made money and, fuck it, metal and rock had run it’s course. So kids grew up glamorizing street trash who couldn’t even play an instrument. And called THAT music. Fucking great how it’s all turned out, huh? Anybody know who Gary Clark Jr is? He’s a 33 year old black dude who can play the fuck out of his guitar and has Eric Clapton passing the blues torch to him. But Nah, he doesn’t hop around holding his dick while spittin’ out curse words while calling for fuckin’ dem bitches and hittin’ that purple drank and gettin’ whitey! Lowest Common Denominator (Urban dictionary: dumbass or group of dumbasses)!

  • Wabbitt
    March 31, 2017 at 2:12 pm

    “You don’t no him! You dn’t no him!”

    “I went to school with him.”


  • Dave Lind
    March 31, 2017 at 11:30 am

    He already has the much needed finger holes in his ears to make things easier for his new “man of the house”

  • Diane Woods emerson
    March 31, 2017 at 10:16 am

    Can we do a Quick head count in ratchet island? Thanks

  • Diane Woods emerson
    March 31, 2017 at 10:15 am

    Can we do a WWII head count in ratchet island? Thanks

  • Penny
    March 31, 2017 at 9:13 am

    For instance, some people that the five year sentence for a repeat offender was a little bit lenient. Wrong! <<<< This is not a sentence turtleboy sports you make yourself look as smart as the clowns you write about!!! Proofread your garbage articles…

    • Nickel
      March 31, 2017 at 9:39 am

      Subject = (the) sentence
      Predicate = was lenient

    • StupidIsAsStupidDoes
      March 31, 2017 at 9:56 am

      Proof-read your comments unless you want to look like a huge hypocrite.

      The fuck does “some people that the five year sentence…..”

      You are missing a word there lady!

      • StupidIsAsStupidDoes
        March 31, 2017 at 9:57 am

        I digress….you were quoting without quotation marks. In my error I stand by what I said. Asshat!

        • StupidIsAsStupidDoes
          March 31, 2017 at 10:00 am

          Also, there should be a period between “sports” and “you.” Turtleboy should also be capitalized. You are an idiot.

          “This is not a sentence turtleboy sports you make yourself look as smart as the clowns you write about!!! Proofread your garbage articles…”

  • Independent Thinker
    March 31, 2017 at 7:41 am

    Of course, there are a few simple solutions to the problem, but the government will never consider any of these options because there is a lot of money in drugs for our criminal justice system. Forfeitures, seizures, and huge amounts of tax dollars directed towards police departments, our court system (including judges, prosecutors, and incompetent and often times corrupt probation officers), not to mention building prisons and staffing prisons. I have a few proposals that will never even be considered:

    1. Legalize drugs. Tax them and regulate them. You will put the drug lords out of business and it will drastically cut down on gang activity. Opponents claim this will lead to a society full of druggies, but we already have that.

    2. Automatic death sentence for all drug dealers. You will basically destroy the trade.

    3, Poison the drug supply. This will result in exterminating the addicts, as well as eliminating the existing customer base.

    Drugs and the violence associated with the drug trade are destroying our society. For those who feel I am not being sympathetic towards addicts, my sympathy for them ends when I see needles in the street and when they steal from others in order to support their habit. Remember, there is no cure for heroin addiction.

    • KimberlyS
      March 31, 2017 at 9:46 am

      Your 3rd solution is interesting. The government poisoned alcohol during prohibition because (SURPRISE) people were breaking the law and continuing to drink. Many people died.

    • me
      March 31, 2017 at 11:48 am

      the filipino president, Duterte, is doing just that in his country. it’s open season on drug dealers there. and now he is going after political corruption. he might be a couple eggs short on the dozen because he says some stuff publically, but damned if he ain’t getting it done.

    • True Reality Speaks
      True Reality Speaks
      March 31, 2017 at 6:38 pm

      I don’t disagree with your motivations, but there are a few holes in your solutions.

      1. Really dumb idea. Do you really think if you take away the illegal drugs that the dealers, gangs, and violence will disappear? They will simply find something else illegal, dangerous, and violent to do. Probably worse than what is occurring now.

      2. Absolutely agree, except there won’t be nearly as many drug dealers if you legalize them.

      3. Are you suggesting legalize drugs, then poison them? Never gonna happen – too much government money in drugs to stop that gravy train. If you keep them illegal, how do you propose to poison them?

      The other poster made the best post. There will never be a “solution” to the drug problem as long as the government and special interests can profit from them. Same as the illegal alien issue. Too much money and future Democrat voters to stem that tide.

  • Strata
    March 31, 2017 at 6:29 am

    Yes, true we don’t know him. All we know is he was convicted of dealing poison that destroys men,women, and children….. that’s enough to be considered a monster in the real world. And I love how his supporters say mind your own business when it’s something embarrassing to them, yet they are the biggest loudmouths to everyone else.

    • True Reality Speaks
      Mirror Mirror
      March 31, 2017 at 6:25 pm

      Hoodrats run their mouths more than an auctioneer. And it’s always accusing others of what they’re actually doing. All of them too stupid to realize how stupid they really are, and locked in their bubble of fellow ratchets where they live out their pathetic, sub-human lives.

  • m
    March 31, 2017 at 2:54 am

    now everybody, don’t jump my &%#!^ but is THAT how the average person talks up there? you’ll have to pardon my ignorance on the matter because i’ve never been above the mason-dixon line. and down here, the only folks who talk like those in those Fkbook messages are, well, transplants. if i had a young child now, he or she would be homeschooling it.
    fo’ reelz. you feelz my feelz?

    ps i especially appreciate in that block of selfies the one in which the subject “ha dat” mmm…hmmm dimpled countenance that made me want to smack the gum out of that mouth.

    • Jessrabb
      March 31, 2017 at 2:25 pm

      No this is not how everyone talks here lol just the population of wanna be gangster thugs talk like that.

  • mystressovmayhem
    March 30, 2017 at 11:22 pm

    Ok ladies i’m going to ask the obvious…doesn’t this tattoo scarfed, drug dealing, unlicensed street pharmacist make you moist? I mean really, aside from the drug dealing which is EVERY girls fantasy man’s occupation, there’s those ear lobes. I’ll say a quick one that the guys in Concord don’t mistake those for some kind of hole to place a set of reigns.

  • parasite felon
    March 30, 2017 at 11:16 pm

    Gross neck ink, on top of the satanic look. Now, the taxpayers have to pay for this drug pusher. Court, lawyer, prison, probation, etc.

    • Shookones
      March 31, 2017 at 2:51 pm

      Call that the salary cap tattoo.

  • Hobby Lobby
    March 30, 2017 at 10:38 pm

    These acts are not even crimes in Southbridge -They’re hobbies.

  • The Right & Honorable Alexa Euphemia Knickerworthy the Stout
    March 30, 2017 at 10:37 pm

    Do NOT blame Melissa’s behavior on her upbringing! Boarding schools, sailing lessons, winters in the Alps, summers in Monaco. For all that she was the rightful heir it wasn’t enough to keep her from her beloved Southbridge. To all parents that consider allowing their child to spend a semester abroad a Hampshire College I offer a cautionary tale indeed!

    • JpG
      March 31, 2017 at 4:22 am

      White priveledge

  • The Mayflower Club
    March 30, 2017 at 10:26 pm

    Melissa Hemingway is the exact opposite of what I would have associated that name with. How the fuck does that ratchet have a name like Melissa Hemingway? It must be one of those sarcastic fake Facebook names.

  • Hanginpossum
    March 30, 2017 at 10:11 pm

    Having neck tattoos of illuminati symbols is irony at its finest.

  • whatevuh
    March 30, 2017 at 10:03 pm

    What a bunch of fucking shit-stains on society, all of them. Stay in Southbridge, at least the police, ICE, and DCF will know where to find you and your poor bastard kids

  • LowProfile
    March 30, 2017 at 9:44 pm

    Southbridge, the brown eye of the commonwealth

    • ZephyrCat
      March 31, 2017 at 1:22 pm

      You can snap as many pictures as you like, you’re still ugly as sin. That, unfortunately, isn’t changing no matter how much you try to change angle and filter.

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