All-Star Criminals

Southbridge Earlobe Tattoo Mafia Gets Arrested Inside Police Station After Safe Full Of Cash Gets Stolen From Apartment, Mom Defends Their Honor In Comments 


In Southbridge last week three local guttermuppets showed up in the lobby of the police station and decided to pick a fight with the cops, which is always a wicked smart thing to do, and shockingly they ended up getting arrested.

You guys bored? Yea, me too. Anyone wanna go to the police station and get arrested or something? Could be fun. Not like we have anything else to do today….

What a crew this is. If you chopped off Tiana Velez’s ears you could actually have a really nice cornhole set for your backyard.

Emily Degray is hard to miss with the Cruella De Vil haircut and the gloryhole tattooed in the middle of her neck.

And it wouldn’t be a Southbridge mug shot lineup if someone arrested wasn’t rocking the pubestache.

Who wore it better?

Luckily for your entertainment they all showed up in the comments to proclaim their innocence, and they brought Mom with them!

So….your house was broken into at 4:30 in the morning, they stole a safe, you called the cops, they told you to come down to the station to file a report, this made you angry because you were high out of your mind so you wiled out in the station, got arrested, got a free picture taken, and now you’re big mad?

That clears things up.

Interesting that someone would target this random girl at 4:30 in the morning though, knowing she had a safe with cash in it. Gee whiz, I wonder what got that money from?

It’s not like she hangs around with seedy looking wegroes or sells pot.

No way. She just works 60 hours a week.

At her burgeoning home tattoo shop where she serves as head kitchen magician.

If you’re looking for a tramp stamp with a side of tetanus, call up Vicky Visine here.

Totally not a hoodrat though.

It’s ratchet enough the criminals show up underneath their mugshots to defend their honor and unsuccessfully attempt to convince strangers that the cops are defaming them. But when the ratchet’s parents show up you gotta upgrade the popcorn size because you’ll get lost in a thread like this.

Besides that one incident where she got arrested in the most hilarious way possible, then got publicly shamed and ended up on Turtleboy, Stef Shocik’s daughter has brought her nothing but pride and joy.

Emmy Earlobe also had a few things she wanted to clarify. But she didn’t really deny that she did anything wrong, instead she wrote a ratchet manifesto about how the real bad guys were the people laughing at her for getting arrested inside a police station.

First of all, I definitely will judge a book by its cover when you live in Southbridge, you look stoned in every picture you take, you get a door knocker installed in your nose, your hair is occasionally purple, and you have a hole in your ear so wide that even Missin Scott Sisson could kick a field goal through it.

Oh, and she’s a CNA.

There’s really nothing more I need to know about this person.

In conclusion a gypsy tattoo doodler, a stoned CNA, and Pedro Pubestache probably went to the police station after they were targeted and robbed for their safe with the drug money in it, they didn’t like the questions they were asked, freaked out, made a scene, wouldn’t leave, yelled at the cops for not “doing their job,” and got their asses locked up. Case closed.



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7 Comment(s)
  • hartf811
    June 25, 2021 at 11:13 am

    Totally why I spend a fortune to not pay a nickel in taxes more than the absolute minimum. The lampreys, offspring of older fatter lampreys are sucking the country dry.

  • Dr Wu
    June 25, 2021 at 10:20 am

    It’s amazing how many of these dumbasses don’t think they’ll live until their 80’s- when they’ll be in the nursing home with their earlobes hanging lower than their tits, and the tattoos so stretched and faded that they’ll resemble a Vincent Van Gogh painting.


    • Captain Trips
      June 25, 2021 at 10:39 am

      Hey Dr. Here’s a cut and paste of a prior comment by me. Relevant here.

      Anyone old enough to remember society before the ‘Great Society’ welfare was started in the 60’s?

      Much different now. The leaders were too stupid to understand that there are many people out there with zippo self-control. If you pay their bills with no stipulations, they will become permanently dependent. If there are no stipulations attached to the check, they will do whatever they want, without regard for others, or the future.

      A mass of people who ‘live for today’ and who have a nice spot in hell for them when the time comes. Meanwhile, they stink up society for the decent folk.

    • Hu Fartted
      June 25, 2021 at 10:49 am

      They’ve got nothing to worry about, there is now way these rodents will live past 40.

  • Captain Trips
    June 25, 2021 at 9:10 am

    Put Southbridge on the bomb to rubble list along with Fall River.

  • Krispen Wah
    June 24, 2021 at 8:51 pm



  • whatevuh
    June 24, 2021 at 5:43 pm

    This is what we commonly refer to as: BOTTOM OF THE FUCKING BARREL

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