All-Star Criminals

Southbridge Glory Days Puddletwat Breaks Into Cars In Dudley, Leaves License Behind, Goes On Victim’s Facebook Page, Calls Her A Slampig, Maintains Innocence

Southbridge Glory Days Puddletwat Breaks Into Cars In Dudley, Leaves License Behind, Goes On Victim’s Facebook Page, Calls Her A Slampig, Maintains Innocence

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Here’s today’s All-Star criminal of the week, out of beautiful Southbridge:

Legendary signature. Doesn’t write real name, and obviously doesn’t know cursive. Putting that SHS diploma to good use!

If you’re gonna break into cars for a living, you can’t pull a rookie move like this. Act like you’ve been there before dude. Because you have. And in 2013 when you were arrested for breaking into what you admitted was over 100 vehicles, your alibi was pretty rock solid:

Around 2 a.m. June 11, police noticed an unoccupied vehicle parked at a vacant building, formally known as Two Cousins Restaurants, 856 Eastford Road. A short time later, Mr. Chenevert and his cousin, who has not been charged, were seen walking toward the area. The two men told police they had been out on a two-mile jog, the police report said.

Oh yea, this looks like the kind of guy who goes on a 2 AM jog:

He’s a regular fitness fanatic.

I have court on Tuesday chis strap? Check.

Bathroom selfies? Check.

Flat brimmed hat? Check.

$5 “gold” chain on top of wife beater? Check.

Yup, this guy’s definitely from Southbridge.

Dude was charged with not one, not two, not three, but 74 counts of breaking and entering a vehicle. Naturally he got off with a CWOF:

Because probation is too harsh of a punishment. Plus he might’ve had that disease that’s been going around that makes you steal from people.

After this woman shared the post on the community page, she was visited by Fart Chenevert on her personal page, and he was diplomatic and respectful about the public shaming he just received:

Oh I see. He was in West Brookfield with his girlfriend. Even ask her. So how did the ID end up in her driveway in Dudley? Well, apparently the real burglar carries around his ID and drops it on people’s driveways in order to frame him. And if you can’t trust a guy who’s been charged with 74 counts of breaking and entering into cars then who can ya trust? It’s not like this type of crime is right up his alley or anything like that.

He also claims that he doesn’t have a vehicle to get to Dudley, but the Facebook machine says otherwise:

Yup, his story checks out!

Plus, if he DID do it, then he would’ve broken into more than just two cars, and if you don’t believe him he’ll smack your ugly ass:

Oh yea, this is helping. It couldn’t have possibly been him.

Plus, that ID is wicked old:

Yup, he hasn’t seen that ID for “literally” 7 years, even though it expired less than 3 years ago.

I know a great way to clear your name is to go onto the woman’s Facebook page, who actually is not that mad about it, and call her a slampig:

But according to him he’s never broke into cars:

But yet he admitted to breaking into at least 100 cars. Weird.

On the other hand, his homies are going all “free my boi”

He knows him yo!! Therefore it couldn’t possibly have been him.


He don’t need to break into cars because he be “grinding and doing right by my family.” And his Mom has his back and blames the woman for posting it:

He did take a break from car break-ins in between this incident and his 2013 arrest. Don’t get it twisted though. This puddletwat wasn’t obeying the law during that time. He was just moving onto new schemes at his job at the Mobile Mart:

An employee at the Mobile Mart on Main Street allegedly scratched parts of the “void if removed” areas on lottery tickets to find winning tickets, which he cashed while leaving several losing tickets for the public to purchased. Bartholomew D. Chenevert, 20, of 152 Chapin St., Southbridge, is charged with altering, forging or counterfeiting a lottery ticket, larceny over $250 by a single scheme and vandalizing property. A clerk magistrate found probable cause this week to move the case to arraignment Aug. 4 at Dudley District Court.

What a brilliant criminal mastermind Fart Chenevert is. Yea, let’s scratch off the “void if removed” are of lottery tickets to find the winners. Then sell the losing tickets, which are already scratched off, to unsuspecting customers. The lottery hasn’t figured out a way to safeguard against this. He totally outsmarted them. And the customers won’t think there’s anything strange about a ticket that’s already been partially scratched off. How could he possibly get caught?

Oh, and not only is he a wicked smart criminal who leaves his license in your car after robbing it, he’s also driving with a very, very expired license:


A quick Google of this winner’s name reveals that he was actually a star football player for Southbridge High School about 5 or 6 years ago. Obviously this was the high point of his life, which is why his Facebook page looks like it could be used in a remix of Glory Days.

Your move Al Bundy!!

Oh, and he reproduced and gets into custody disputes with Baby Momma on the Facebook machine:

But he’s a good Dad, and he’s setting a great example by breaking into hundreds of cars in the Dudley-Southbridge area.

Looks like he’s back into the car vandalism business because he has reproduced yet again:

Which is great news for society. Because obviously Bart is mature, law abiding, and ready to raise another child.

He’s also really big into promoting his boy’s new rap music on the Facebook machine:

And celebrating an imaginary country that declared war on the United States 150 years ago:

He’s sober now though, so it’s all good:




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8 Comment(s)
  • September 3, 2017 at 5:03 am

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  • August 31, 2017 at 6:54 pm

    Asking questions are really good thing if you are not understanding something totally, except this paragraph gives good understanding even.

  • Stunt Penis
    August 15, 2017 at 9:16 am

    “Legendary signature. Doesn’t write real name, and obviously doesn’t know cursive. Putting that SHS diploma to good use!”

    for whatever it is worth, the public school system no longer teaches cursive writing.

  • They call me Ponch
    August 15, 2017 at 5:37 am

    Look at his signature people.
    It’s fucking printed!
    This is the byproduct of the new public school systems.
    Southbridge is the exaggerated version.
    Everyone’s a winner until they’re a loooser.

  • Cooper
    August 14, 2017 at 11:04 pm

    Get ready for bum darts Bart.

  • Sexual Chocolate
    August 14, 2017 at 9:10 pm

    Nice name – Bartholomew Chenefart

    What a dickbag. How do you lose your license in someone’s driveway breaking into cars? Can’t fix stupid. Fucking amateur hour.

  • JoeMomma
    August 14, 2017 at 6:56 pm

    He’s going to love prison…..

  • Turd Burglestein
    August 14, 2017 at 6:33 pm

    He’s going to grinding alright…grinding his ass cheeks up on bubba’s nuts while he gets his stool pushed in.

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