All-Star Criminals

Southbridge Man With Loaded Gun In Crotch Begs The Question – Why Do People Still Live In Southbridge?

A Southbridge man with a loaded gun in his pants was arrested the other day, which begs the question – why do people still live in Southbridge? 

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Southbridge Police Department Facebook PageOn Monday October 5, 2015 at approximately 4:30pm an officer from our department was travelling on Paige Hill. At this time an officer observed a motor vehicle operating erratically in the area of the cemetery. The officer was able to stop the motor vehicle as it attempted to enter the cemetery. 

The officer approached the vehicle during which time it was determined that the vehicle had matched the description of a vehicle wanted in connection with several breaks into motor vehicles that occurred earlier in the day in Southbridge and Sturbridge.

The operator of the vehicle was identified as 19 year old David GUZMAN of 46 Glenwood Ave in Southbridge, MA. During further investigation GUZMAN was asked to exit his vehicle at which time a .22 caliber handgun was observed in his front waistband. As GUZMAN stepped from his vehicle he placed his hand on the butt of the firearm. A brief struggle ensued between GUZMAN and the officers on scene and GUZMAN was subsequently placed into custody and transported to police headquarters to be booked.

It was later determined that the handgun GUZMAN had in his possession was loaded with six (6) live rounds of ammunition with one (1) round in the firing chamber. The hammer of the gun was also in the firing position ready to be fired. 

GUZMAN was charged with being in possession of a firearm without a license to carry, being in possession of ammunition without a license to carry and with numerous motor vehicle violations. GUZMAN was held at police headquarters on $10,040 cash bail.

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Sweet baby Jesus, that is the most Southbridge mugshot I’ve ever seen. The hair, the pube-stache, the bewildered look of confusion. It’s one of the most amazing mugshots I’ve ever seen and I cannot stop staring at it.

But seriously, this kid had a loaded gun in his waist band and the hammer was in the firing position. The fact that the cops caught him was the best thing that ever happened to him, because it was really only a matter of time until he accidentally shot his own nuts off. I mean, just look at that face. That is the face of everyone in the history of time who has ever shot themselves in the nuts.

And these comments couldn’t possibly be more Southbridge:

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You know you live in a shithole when the second someone gets arrested for breaking into cars and having an unregistered gun aimed at their own nuts, the first thing people do is start with the “free my boi” song and dance. Because clearly we all don’t “know” this guy. And if we did we would realize that he’s actually breaking into cars so he can save up money for medical school.

My question is, why do people continue to live in Southbridge? I get that it was actually a nice town 20 or 30 years ago. But then this thing opened up in the early 90’s:

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Game over. Yea, the thing about welfare in Southbridge is that it’s hardly ever “transitional.” More like Southbridge Department of Perpetual Assistance. Because Southbridge hasn’t gotten any better since that place opened up. It’s actually gotten a million times worse.

If you’re not trying to get a job and you just wanna chill out all day make some babies, then I get why Southbridge is for you. You’re away from the city, so you feel like you made it in life, unlike the cousins you left behind in Worcester or Webster.

But I really don’t get what the appeal is for any normal person. What is there to like about living in Southbridge? It’s a pain in the ass to get to. You have to buy your groceries at the Bunny Mart. There’s people with loaded guns in their crotch all over the place. And the junky parade makes the whole town look like some remote village in Kosovo.

Oh yea, and if you have kids in Southbridge, what’s your move? Because you can’t honestly say that anyone feels good about sending their kid to Southbridge High School. I’d take ANY Worcester Public School over Southbridge. Hell, I’d take WARE over Southbridge. And Ware is the most post-apocalyptic town I’ve ever seen.

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And have you ever seen Southbridge in sports? They’re the red team that’s losing 15-0 to your daughter’s soccer team…..in the fist half. Seriously, ask anyone who has ever played sports for a SWCL school – Southbridge is the bye week.

When you factor in the fact that Southbridge High School is basically North High on steroids, you come to the conclusion that your kid is gonna get robbed of a normal high school experience if he stays at SHS.

Look, I’m sure there’s some wonderful people that are stuck in Southbridge. But there’s a reason that Quaboag, Tantasqua, and Shepherd Hill are overloaded with school choice kids from the Bridge. Because anyone who wants their kids to have a normal high school experience either moves or sends their kids to one of the normal school districts that Southbridge is lucky to be surrounded by.

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16 Comment(s)
  • CowboyCurtis
    June 2, 2019 at 7:36 am

    UPDATE
    This member of the community now lives in Great Brook Valley. He was arrested in April 2019 for shoplifting over $1200 at the Auburn Mall with another misunderstood member of the community with a similar rap sheet. Nothing was mentioned in the courthouse records for the day their case was continued to, May 28.

  • typical white person
    October 13, 2015 at 2:01 pm

    Is that actually a piece of grass in his hair?

  • Jay
    October 11, 2015 at 8:36 am

    I live in southbridge and yes it has become a shithole theres more ricans here than porta rico all here just to get welfare and yes they do make it a life long choice because welfare gives them everything free car free house and free paycheck just to sit on thier drug dealing asses we desperately need welfare reform and a welfare fraud taskforce we need to impeach obama and elect donald trump to help get rid of the street grease running around our beloved country protecting this country should always be number one priority

  • October 11, 2015 at 1:58 am

    I don’t have a clue !

  • SBISFORTRASH
    October 10, 2015 at 4:57 am

    haha you read the comment from momof2 and I cant do anything but laugh at the fact that she defends this town but she isnt any better than the people defending the kid arrested… I mean come on people know her as the southbridge slut that named her daughter after her stripper name lmao!

    • SBISFORTRASH
      October 10, 2015 at 4:58 am

      o and lost custody of her son <~ so wouldnt it be momofone?

  • October 10, 2015 at 2:11 am

    First off clearly u haven’t been the sbdge in um 15yrs…we have a whole plaza of stores including a big y grocery store. Big bunny is the old plaza across town. We also service a ton of towns in a ten mile radius in our welfare office!!!! So before u say sbdge is welfare I would love to see how many residence come here from out of town foe their welfare check or food stamps! I bitch about this town as much as the next person living here does because I want change here and this doesn’t help us get that! Our schools are also graded by mass dep of EDU as level “D” as is Palmer ma and many other towns! I cannot stand setting foot in Worcester where the local prostitutes at eon ever damn corner! Lets not judge sbdge against Worcester because facts of what in town sound completely ignorant. . They are not the same. And if u want to say something about sbdge vs dirty ass Worcester…well…like they say…it takes one to know one.

  • Joej
    October 9, 2015 at 8:11 am

    I’m sure Sturbridge feels the same way living next door to Southbridge, as Leominster does to Fitchburg. You’re property values drop 50% just by crossing the town line.

    • Pensrant
      October 10, 2015 at 3:03 am

      And, several years ago, Fitchburg was the better town. Now it’s a pit.

  • SB
    October 9, 2015 at 7:11 am

    Turtleboy. You continue to draw up only the negative in your editorials. I suppose that is what sells. I organize a couple of non-profit programs for kids in town. I invite you to come by and get the full perspective. Unless you want to continue to hide behind your computer screen.

  • Wormtown Refugee
    October 9, 2015 at 6:57 am

    I worked in The Bridge for a year, maybe 15 – 18 years ago. Even then it was the most defeated, hopeless, “never coming back” town I’d seen, even more so than Worcester under the Early Crime Machine. People were fleeing; those that couldn’t or didn’t are today’s PTA clients. Rough, rough “town”.

  • FrannyGoBoomBoom
    October 9, 2015 at 6:32 am

    In the above Facebook comments written by Mr. ShootMyOwnNuts supporters, an obviously estute scholar, Ms. Caitlyn ISwearImHood, referenced “dunning ” a few times. I tried using context clues but couldn’t quite put my finger on the meaning. .. anyone?

    • TMNT DEK
      October 13, 2015 at 2:29 pm

      Unless it’s the UD version of dunning, which is tossing salad. (But then he uses it out of context in next sentence).

      I think it means dissing or disrespecting but who fucking knows or cares anymore!! 🙂

      Could also be Nodo-correct. (Person who nods out constantly due to being high on opiates and types random nonsense that phone thinks is now english) ya I made that one up.

    • Christopher landry
      January 25, 2018 at 9:17 pm

      fuck turtle boy talks shit about people cuz he’s hiding behind a computer he wouldn’t run his mouth in the people’s face the punk bitchI

  • mooga.pies
    October 8, 2015 at 10:25 pm

    Welfare opened up in da bridge in the 70’s. Been down hill ever since. Southbridge is heinous with a capital einous. And there’s no going back. I always felt bad for the folks that had nice little houses just on the outskirts of the center of town, how they must look around themselves and think, wow I thought that I would spend the rest of my life in this nice little quaint town. Now look at what I’ve got. I can’t even get out of here cause no one will buy my home.

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