All-Star Criminals
/ April 16, 2021 / 175 Comments

Southbridge Marfupial Arrested For Kicking The Shit Out Of Girlfriend’s 10 Pound Dog 

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Meanwhile in Southbridge……

I didn’t realize you could get a hernia in your neck, but here we are. Looks like he’s having trouble digesting a water balloon full of maple syrup.

I for one am as shocked as you are – this marfupial has a girlfriend and you can’t even get a text back. Then again, who can resist the raw sex appeal oozing from his honches?

When you date someone who looks like this you expect that there’s like, a 65% he’s gonna diddle your kids. But kick a 10 pound dog? Takes a shitty person to do that. They’ve been together for years too, so I guess that’s what happens when you date someone based purely on their looks. Eventually the sex appeal wears off and their true colors come out.

 

 

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