All-Star Criminals

Strokey McGee Identified As Michael Jordan, Springfield Police Issue Arrest Warrant For Punching The Clown In Stop & Shop Parking Lot


The other day we published an unfortunate blog about a guy who was caught choking the chicken in the Stop & Shop parking lot at Springfield Plaza.

That guy right there does NOT like it when his stroke game is interrupted whilst fantasizing to fully clothed women and lying in the front parking spot of a busy grocery store in broad daylight.

The Springfield Police announced they are arresting him, but have not released his name because he hasn’t been arrested yet.

His name, I shit you not, is Michael Jordan. And since the basketball Hall of Fame is in Springfield, you can imagine that nothing useful comes up when you search “Michael Jordan Springfield.” But he apparently has done this many times before, including at hospitals.


This is just what he does – drives to random parking lots in the middle of the day and punches the clown in full sight of anyone in the general vicinity who wants to see him beat his bologna baton like it owes him money. Hopefully SPD can track his ass out down and get him registered as a sex offender before the economy reopens and he really starts to enjoy himself.


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40 Comment(s)
  • Silencio Dogood
    May 23, 2020 at 3:12 am

    the look on his face was disturbing, like catching a dog licking its balls, but with less intelligence and more animosity.

  • You’re in public lol
    May 20, 2020 at 11:02 pm

    Welp this right here makes the wife beater guy who pissed his pants in line at the RMV the other day seem like a Fun guy to drink a beer with.

  • capone181
    Lee Ho
    May 20, 2020 at 7:58 am

    This guy should have driven to the outdoor store in Natick, he could have beat off while the mad shitter lady was taking a dump. The paddy wagon would only have to make one trip to remove two slime balls.

  • Hmmm this is weird
    May 20, 2020 at 2:32 am

    Let’s see
    Black guy rapey pedo pervert
    And Latin guy rapey pedo pervert
    Two articles in one day about non white perverts
    Yet, the whole world would have you believe that the majority of rapers and pedos are white?

    False narrative

  • A sign of our increasing madness
    May 19, 2020 at 9:33 pm

    Well, you keep everyone from going to work and prevent them from socializing. Some are left to sit in their cars in parking lots watching women doing their shopping, and…. It’s a good thing such luminaries as Bill Gates, Anthony Fauci, and Charlie Baker read this blog. This unholy incident should persuade them that the lock down has long since run its course. End the madness now or we’ll all be sitting in our cars by ourselves doing this.

  • The hills are alive to the sound of...
    May 19, 2020 at 9:23 pm

    Punching the clown. Even Julie Andrews is appalled at MJ fouling in public!

  • Crystal Laviolette
    Amanda Sawyer
    May 19, 2020 at 8:49 pm

    I can give him a ride!!

  • Tall Deval
    May 19, 2020 at 7:52 pm

    I would be his jizz sponge.

  • Jane Goodall
    May 19, 2020 at 7:47 pm

    I have seen this behavior before.

  • Princess
    May 19, 2020 at 7:39 pm

    He should have just went to an “old bukake” part in Massaschusetts. Old pig takes many loads. They have those.

  • Dr Wu
    May 19, 2020 at 7:25 pm

    Why is everyone assuming he was fantasizing while watching fully clothed FEMALES??? Did you ever think there could have been a hot looking 85 year old man pushing a walker? Maybe he spotted a voluptuous labradoodle in the adjacent car.
    You people are a bunch of sexist assholes.

  • Joe Exotic
    May 19, 2020 at 5:51 pm

    Hey motherfucker! I got meth. Let’s go mgtow that snake!

  • Michael Jordan
    May 19, 2020 at 5:40 pm

    I wonder how much air time his 3 pointers were getting?Windshield, headliner or rear view mirror

  • Boston Irish
    Barney Frank
    May 19, 2020 at 5:38 pm

    What a dick head

  • Judge dread
    May 19, 2020 at 5:23 pm

    Wtf is wrong with the public?

  • Guinea Geisha
    May 19, 2020 at 5:13 pm

    Seeing as tickling yourself is impossible… we really lucked out with this whole masturbation thing.

    • Silencio Dogood
      May 23, 2020 at 3:10 am

      two can play at that game, my little lotus flower.

  • Charlie Baker
    May 19, 2020 at 5:04 pm

    What’s his handle?

    Asking for myself

  • Captain Trips
    Mad Max - Beyond Coronavirus
    May 19, 2020 at 4:57 pm

    He was practicing his dribbling

  • capone181
    Lee Ho
    May 19, 2020 at 4:09 pm

    The Karens want him charged with maskless mall masturbation in public.

    • Ho Li Phuk
      May 19, 2020 at 4:24 pm

      I can’t wait to see the perp walk in the food court

      • murdochpatsymcreynolds
        Ho Li Phuk
        May 19, 2020 at 5:18 pm

        You steal my name, you fuck.

        • capone181
          Lee Ho
          May 19, 2020 at 5:24 pm

          Ho Li Phuk, now there is two Ho Li Phuks.

        • capone181
          Lee Ho
          May 19, 2020 at 6:14 pm

          You take him to back booth, straighten out name problem, right Ho Li?

          • murdochpatsymcreynolds
            Ho Li Phuk
            May 19, 2020 at 9:05 pm

            He steal my identity, Lee.
            I take him to back booth, I go Bruce Lee on his ass.

        • capone181
          Lee Ho
          May 20, 2020 at 7:54 am

          Good, I like back booth justice, please don’t use back booth that I take Geisha Girl too, use other one.

  • Oh My!
    May 19, 2020 at 3:43 pm

    How the mighty have fallen.

  • maynard g crabs
    May 19, 2020 at 3:40 pm

    perverted colored boy

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    May 19, 2020 at 3:29 pm

    Everybody needs to lay off! He was probably just celebrating his election to The Basketball Hall of Fame.

    • capone181
      Lee Ho
      May 19, 2020 at 4:05 pm

      Celebrating his election?

      He was celebrating his erection.

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    Joe 30330
    May 19, 2020 at 3:24 pm

    I suggested we should have people in China at the outset of this event, when it all started, in Luhan Province

    • whatevuh
      May 19, 2020 at 6:27 pm

      or maybe even Wuhan Province

  • whatevuh
    May 19, 2020 at 3:18 pm

    Can you imagine the next time he calls his friends, “hey you guys want to hang out tonight” ummmmm, NAH we’re BUSY !!!!

  • Flash Sale
    May 19, 2020 at 3:17 pm

    From the Car Freshener factory in Watertown NY we bring you the latest. The cum scented car freshener! Available in a variety of scents, this product is sure to sell out. Flash sale starts today…

  • It's a fap!
    May 19, 2020 at 3:14 pm

    That Joe Bacon motherfucker calling the police ‘pos’ because they won’t follow procedure and release someone’s name before arresting them. Bitch, if you knew who it was jerking off in a car, why didn’t you just tell everyone his name – or go arrest him yourself?

  • Farmer Hogg
    May 19, 2020 at 2:56 pm

    Fuck this guy! Hope he has a ton of warrants out on his sorry tiny dick ass…..

  • The Spic Tormentor
    Spic Tormentor
    May 19, 2020 at 2:38 pm

    I’d still rather watch 5 seconds of this Michael Jordan beating his slim jim over 5 minutes of MJ’s “last dance”

    • Jordis
      May 19, 2020 at 2:47 pm

      C’mon! I hate sports. But that definitely sold me on how he is the greatest Basketball player of all time. Now I’d never buy his ghetto sneakers or any merchandise but you have to respect the talent he has.

      • The Spic Tormentor
        Spic Tormentor
        May 19, 2020 at 3:15 pm

        I love real spots. African Handball is not a real sports. 6’8 black dudes in pajamas dunking is not impressive and the free throw is the most boring play in all of sports. Nothing like a game ending 110-109 with 90 whistles.

  • Coming to a theater near you this summer
    May 19, 2020 at 2:28 pm

    Parking Space Jam

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