All-Star Criminals

Taunton Police Have Jumped On The Trend Of FunnyAF Posts With Their Latest Tale Of A Drunk Chick, With A Lizard In Her Bra, Crashing In To A Tree, While Her Bae Rips Butts Near Leaking Gas

We’ve got another hysterical Police department to look out for!

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The trend of police departments utilizing social media to take a tongue-in-cheek stab at their apprehensions is just phenomenal. I couldn’t love this idea more if I tried. It’s really the smartest thing ever and if you aren’t on board with modern-day policing you should probably just get off the Internet you’re glued to.

The gang over at the Taunton Police Department has jumped on board with Bourne, Dartmouth, Bangor, and Bridgewater in their latest public service announcement.

This entire story is almost too good to be true.


It’s like Uncle Turtle himself wrote this!  I especially like the part where they say that the pair were incoherent and drooling.

Now, if you need to understand how drunk twice the legal limit is… take a look at what Amy looks like when she’s not chocolatey wasted off what could only be Strawberry Limearitas and trying to show off for Facebook.

What a strategic loving gaze. Barf. Perhaps it was this maternal instinct that lead her to have a dragon hanging from her teet whilst sipping White Girl Juice? Bitch thinking she Daenerys Targaryen or some shit.

Meanwhile I’m sitting here like…

Now, I don’t know how much more comedic brilliance I can add here (as its damn-near perfect) but I can easily say that I’ve never been as hammered as Amy and her apparent side piece have ever been.

Oh yeah, she’s married and the guy who was driving around with tanked is NOT her husband.

Sure, I’ve gotten trashed, taken my pants off, and booty-popped to Justin Timberlake. Who hasn’t? However, I never tried to fight a tree with my car.

Now, as it has become custom, we tend to shame the people who come along in to the comments section and give the Police shit.

Most of the comments were fabulous.

For example:

But one Queef wizard just HAD to have an issue with it.

Ryan, Ryan, Ryan…. when will you people ever learn?

Aside from the fact he looks like a cold scrotum, my homeboy here has a reason hate public shaming. Had had a bad bout with it when we was taken in on a warrant once. OF COURSE this was only after the police raided his girlfriend’s house because she was whoring herself on Craigslist. Read the article HERE because it’s great.

Ouuuuuuch. Meanwhile, he’s not stranger to the blotters:

Gosh, I can understand why he would be sensitive. I wonder what Ryan will think of our little blog here?

Hopefully people will stop being butthurt vagbags when it comes to proactive community policing – espesh when they get caught committing to a girl who gets professionally stuffed by randos.

Good job Taunton Fuzz! We salute you and your sassy officers!



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6 Comment(s)
  • Yuck!
    May 19, 2017 at 11:32 am

    the lizard can be her defense in court! She can claim that it was biting her tits and she lost control of the car! “Not my fault, your honor. It was the damn lizard”!

    Poor lizard has to go down for this drunken slob’s pathetic approach to life.

    Also, can someone please get that precious, innocent, little baby AWAY from this whore?

    Another also: Ryan, does that lip ring turn on the guys when you’re giving them head? Does it drive them over the edge, resulting in your face covered in jizz?

  • KimberlyS
    May 18, 2017 at 11:14 am

    It’s a mistake to not charge the Bearded Dragon Lizard – they’re known to practice mind-control techniques. I’m sure he was behind the whole thing. Cheeky bastard.

  • Sterling Turtle Rider
    May 18, 2017 at 1:46 am


    May 17, 2017 at 8:52 pm

    Her Premium is so high Geico was like, ” maam if you are going to pay that much for your 18 year old Hercedes Benz we would like you to have this lizard, but we won’t supply a cage”..

  • Turd Burglestein
    May 17, 2017 at 7:36 pm

    Ryan looks like a strung out Mr. Clean with a lip ring.

    • Sterling Turtle Rider
      May 18, 2017 at 1:45 am

      nothing ‘clean’ about that… I’d say he’s Mr. Dirty

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