All-Star Criminals

Thelma And Sleaze Lose Pills In Peabody, Go To Peabody Police To Pick Them Up Despite Being Wasted With Warrants, Smash Into Parked Car Once They Realize It’s A Setup


This is one of the wildest stories I’ve ever read….

Salem News: It started when someone found a purse at a CVS in Peabody on Friday and turned it in to police. It ended with two women, one of them the owner of the purse, under arrest. Both are now being held in custody. In between there was a scuffle with police, a hit-and-run crash in the police station parking lot, and a stop at a liquor store.

According to police and a prosecutor, Kelly Shaw, 38, of Quincy, was staying at a motel in Danvers when she went to the CVS on Main Street in Peabody Friday.  But left her purse behind at the store, so someone brought it to the police station. Officers noticed prescription pill bottles with Shaw’s name and address, so they contacted Quincy police to notify her. Then they learned that she was wanted in Quincy District Court on a warrant, Lovely said. When she showed up at the Peabody police station to get her purse, she was arrested. Police say that during a struggle inside the police station, she dropped a pill container with the prescription medications Adderall, Xanax and Klonopin inside, so they charged her with resisting arrest and possession of the prescription drugs.

Pro tip – if you know you have active warrants out for your arrest, and the cops call you and tell you to come pick up your prescription pills – DON’T GO!! It’s a trap. Also, definitely DO NOT show up with more pills. They’re just gonna take those too. Get some new pills and move on with your productive life of pretending to be a normal and loving mother from Quincy. Because by the looks of her Facebook page that’s exactly what Kelly Shaw sells herself to be.

Here’s my question – why is a married mother from Quincy, with several semon demons waiting at home, staying at a cheap motel in Danvers with a bag full of prescription pills? Oh wait. That’s the area on Route 1 where the state sticks all the junkies. Nuff said. Sometimes you just need a weekend bender away from the crotch fruits.

It got better….

Meanwhile, outside, Jennifer Faye, 39, of Weymouth, who had given Shaw a ride to the station, was waiting in the police station parking lot when she realized what was happening and decided to leave, Capt. Dennis Bonaiuto said. In the process of leaving, she hit another vehicle in the lot, damaging it, and took off, he said.

A great place to pull a hit and run is in the police station parking lot. They’ll never notice you there. Sometimes those parked cars really come at you fast, so you gotta keep your head on a swivel. I for one and surprised that a human Pez dispense like this would have a hard time avoiding stationary objects.

Nah, she doesn’t look like she’s smoked pole for Zanny bars. Ever.

Obviously after you hit a car in the PPD parking lot you wanna get the hell out of there quickly. Especially if your license is suspended, you just got kicked out of the police station for going full ratchet, you have two previous DUI’s, and you’re going for a third. So naturally Mary Shame went half a mile away to the one place they’d never think to look for a banana tamer like her – Bunghole Liquors.

Just as a dispatcher was alerting officers on patrol to be on the lookout for a Nissan Frontier truck with front-end damage, Patrolman Corey Salvo saw a truck with heavy damage and a radio blasting pull halfway into a spot in front of Bunghole Liquors, prosecutor Taylor Lovely said in court. The plate number was the same as the one he’d just heard over his police radio. She had already gotten out of the truck as Salvo approached. Faye, whose license is suspended, was described by police as slow and unsteady, reaching into her pockets repeatedly. She was arrested on charges of driving under the influence of drugs (third offense), leaving the scene of a property damage accident and driving after license suspension. 

Yes, that’s right – there is a liquor store in Peabody and Salem called Bunghole.

Because “Bleached Asshole Liquors” was already taken. And it was a half mile away, directly down the street, so I for am SHOCKED that the cops found her.

Of course this entire episode of Numb and Number was all caught on video, which would make one of the best episodes of Live PD ever.

Anyway, if either of these fine lassies wants to come on the Live show this weekend and tell us the “other side” of the story, the Turtle door is always open.



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63 Comment(s)
  • Just sayin
    February 27, 2019 at 3:09 pm

    Turtle yard I are a real piece of work I’ve done a little research on ur dumbass but we won’t get into that cuz that’s what drives ur silly blog b.s. funny you are so quick to judge others must we bring up some of your so called skeletons lol here’s the truth your sad not even a journalist at all really just an online gossiper the lowest of the low funny journalists rarely get there facts straight and your lower than them and u can’t even proofread “really professional” lol

  • #stealmylastspoon
    February 15, 2019 at 7:15 pm

    Kelly is a tottal shit bag spoon theif

    • Trojan Condoms
      February 16, 2019 at 10:33 am

      Just not in a pill bottle, that wouldn’t work for these fine upstanding ladies. Might I suggest a box of our product, as they’d never think to look there.

  • Stephen FAYE
    February 15, 2019 at 7:44 am


    • Trojan Condoms
      February 15, 2019 at 10:48 am

      To little Stevie and jacked up Jen…..

      Firstly, please pass along my condolences to your parents for purchasing our product and having them break open at least twice. Our bad.

      Secondly, Stevie. Perhaps you can beg Jenny for a few Zannie bars when she gets out of jail, as you so clearly need them.

      Thirdly, addiction issues and the moral argument of the writers aside, your sister would never have been the subject of the article had she not 1)gotten more inebriated than an Irish midget at last call on st Patrick’s Day, 2)driven a vehicle right to the po-po, 3)after smashing into someone’s car, ran away so as to avoid responsibility for her actions (yeah, we get it. Only god can judge, but sometimes He gets busy and farms it out to Turtle Boy and the Turtle Riders).

      As far as challenging people to a meetup to discuss things, I doubt that would end in your favor. I’d oblige, but I’d assume running away after you fuck up runs in the family, so will pass.

      • Stephen FAYE
        February 15, 2019 at 11:09 am

        Pussies all talk online anywhere anytime bitch

        • Trojan Condoms
          February 15, 2019 at 11:33 am

          Little Stevie,
          I’ll give you a freebie, but read it slowly as I’m unable to type in crayon. Those that are actual tough guys aren’t about to write/type threats over the internet where they’d be easily discoverable in Court after the whiny soy boy making a valiant effort at defending the honor of his main bitches cries to the cops. At least after finding out that while words might not hurt, but other implements most certainly do.

          That said, if one were to meet up in an adversarial fashion, one would not announce it on the internet. One would just find you.

          As far as a face to face goes, think about this: for all you know, we’ve already met. Or, I might just be a Fly in the wall at court. Or possibly even a judge. You’ll never know.

          Also, please accept a lifetime supply of my company’s product. Share with Jen, as it would be best for society as a whole if neither of you produce any/more semen demons.

          • Stephen FAYE
            February 15, 2019 at 11:38 am


      • KAREN Faye
        February 15, 2019 at 11:53 am

        To all of you on this page it’s disgusting you all have time to write about people on here and think your better and talk all this over people’ who are suffering I guess you all didnt hear your parent as kids if you don’t have nothing nice to say don’t say it. Hiding behind fake names trojan ect s . You dont know who people really are it’s so disgusting to me I am a case manager and have worked in the feild for years you should have compation and understand addiction before you bash people people do have family on here that care and concern I pray you never have to experience this and god is never to busy but hes the real judge and he forgives obviously you all dont have spirituality in Your life it really is annoying to see you all get amusement out of this but I do pray for you all cause your all.sick and your day will come and Karma is a bitch and GOD Doesnt like ugly if you kow anything about recovery you wouldnt be here getting amusement out of this. Also my Sister is sick and has an addiction problem I know you are all perfect Wrong cause god wouldnt have a job if we were perfect go and get spiritually instead of posting horrible things when you dont even know the truth. ALSO YOU DONT NOW PEOPLE TO SAY THEY RUN OR HIDE CAUSE TRUST ME YOU DONT WANT TO SEE WHAT CAN COME YOUR WAY. BUT I WILL PRAY FOR YOU ITS SAD THAT THIS WORLD HAS GOTTEN TO THIS IM IN AN OWE HAVE BEEN SINCE SEEING THIS PAGE BUT ENOUGH GET A LIFE DO SOMETHING NICE FOR SOMEONE WHEN THERE DOWN NOBODY IS PERFECT AND IT DOESNT DISGRAMANTE ANYBODY .. You all should look in the mirror before saying hurtful things to people’s family I will pray for you all. KAREN Faye
        P.s not hiding behind a fake name

        • Trojan Condoms
          February 15, 2019 at 12:11 pm

          I apologize for my previous inaccurate comment. Apparently the Faye’s fired out three semen demons.

          As was mentioned by myself previously, none of this would have happened if Jen hadn’t driven impaired, smashed into someone’s car, and tried to evade responsibility by running away.

          Also, I’ve got plenty of friends with addiction issues and are in recovery. The difference is that they are not scumbags, but actually take responsibility for their actions when they screw up, instead of hiding behind the “disease”.

          As far as the fake name, I prefer not to have people like roid raging little Stevie and holier than thou Karen showing up acting the fool. That, and it’s amusing watching people asking excuses for others getting called out when they screw up.

          • In recovery
            May 4, 2019 at 10:06 am

            Don’t understand, you say your a case worker and you understand addiction !! Yet you say to stop calling names but half of what you wrote is name calling !! Like they said don’t give anyone a reason for yourself to be talked about !!!!!

        • Kim k
          February 17, 2019 at 8:24 pm

          Omg reading your misspelled and horrible use of the English language gave me a headache are you high or drunk right now? I know it runs in the family but dayum girl!!! I hope you are not a professional “caseworker” because it reads like you were working on a case of beer before you wrote this!

    • Randall Guy
      February 16, 2019 at 9:59 pm

      Hi Stevie. Have you ever seen jennifer naked? I have along with about 52 other guys in Danvers last week, Your poor addicted sister was doing blowies for joints or suboxone, Too bad she was probably a decent person 20 years ago. Now she’s a drug addicted cumdump. Does your other sister also shoplift and do drugs? Keep your criminal family away from us fine folks on the north shore.

    • Kim k
      February 17, 2019 at 8:19 pm

      Oh come on are you guys “grating” women again or is it “degrating” them? Hey stephen faye EQUAL RIGHTS BABY WE ALL GET THE SAME RIGHTS! Being an addict is a choice. The very first time you take a drug whether legal or not it’s definitely a damn choice! You take it knowing full well it can become an addiction and really i would advise stop while you are ahead

  • Stephen FAYE
    February 14, 2019 at 6:52 pm


    • Id stick, but wouldn't lick
      February 14, 2019 at 8:18 pm

      Hey Steve

      Its public information available to all via the internet. By the way, Id definitely poke Jen in the bunghole raw dog. Despite the addictions, she looks good for her age.

    • Molly
      February 14, 2019 at 8:26 pm

      Hey Stephen, fuck you.
      I work with and help rehabilitate addicts on a daily basis at my job.
      Kelly was a former friend of my mother. We tried to help her and give her a place to live. She stole family heirlooms of mine that belonged to my grandfather who raised me. He passed away 3 years ago and those heirlooms were pretty much all I had to remember him by. You really think the addiction made her do it? Did the addiction also make her break into my home after we evicted her? Did it also force her to steal my mothers car and leave her dirty hep needles in it?
      No. You’re a fucking retard if you think that. She stole from us because she’s a piece of shit. The drugs just helped bring it out in her. People like her make it impossible for GOOD PEOPLE that have addictions to get help. I work with some of the most genuine people that are just wrapped up in some dark shit. Never stole from anyone or hurt anyone for drugs. But this bitch did.
      Take your dick out of your hand, shove it up your ass, and go fuck yourself.
      By the way, if that fucking cuntwipe is a friend of yours, tell her Mollys looking for her and to stop by anytime. Fuck off.

      • WeRFuked
        February 15, 2019 at 7:31 pm

        Molly, of the two, Kelly is the one I’d like to “do.”
        Hook me up. She steals too? Wow that’s hot as fuq.

        • Molly
          February 17, 2019 at 2:57 pm

          Heard she turns tricks in Revere. If I find out the exact corner, I’ll give you a buzz. Good luck!

          • Trojan Condoms
            February 17, 2019 at 3:09 pm

            Please pass along an offer for 50% off, as with either of these broads you’d need to at a MINIMUM, double bag it.

          • Stephen FAYE
            February 17, 2019 at 3:13 pm

            Do you think Kelly could help me out since Jen doesn’t wanna play doctor for bars anymore?

    • Ask me about bum stuff for fun n profit
      February 14, 2019 at 11:57 pm

      Hi Stephen,
      Is Jen your sister?
      I would definitely give your sister the creampie.
      Yes sir, she’d come staggering home with my seed oozing from her nether hole.
      It would look like the thing was projectile vomiting if she coughed and farted at the same time.
      Make sure she splits the $10 ass rental with you.
      She has earning potential, at least for another 6-9 months, so don’t squander the financial opportunity. Call it a family biz. Be sure to put some of that cash aside for the inevitable cremation.
      They are rarely found in any worthwhile condition suitable for an open casket, trust me.

    • All the best
      February 16, 2019 at 8:36 am

      Man I feel for you. It sounds like your sister has completely lost her way. Maybe she has been a rotten shitbag to people around her, sounds like it. But some people truly do bounce back. When I was a dope fiend, long ago, I’d go sick before I’d let my wifes kids go without and I went home dopesick rather than mug an old lady when I had the chance. Lets hope your sister bounces back but its on her and she may well choose not to.

      The best friends I remember from back then called me out for my shit and didn’t mince words. She needs some tough fucking love and zero coddling if you ask me. Take care of yourself and be prepared for the worst but don’t let it take you down bro.

  • Deval Patrick’s Secret Bum Buddy
    February 14, 2019 at 3:28 pm

    I’m glad my tax dollars go to these dirty twats getting free hotel rooms. My God it never stops

  • David "Thumbs" Pastrnak
    February 14, 2019 at 10:41 am

    If Jen and Brad Marchand had a kid, that kid would look like a French Canadian toucan.

    Ho ho ho!

  • Jacques Az
    February 14, 2019 at 9:42 am

    I wouldn’t mind see that tanned balloon knot.

  • beverly
    February 14, 2019 at 9:30 am

    we have enough imbeciles up here already, please stay south of the charles and never use the tobin

  • Stunt Penis
    February 14, 2019 at 8:54 am

    Definitely wood Jennifer. Triple wrapped though.

  • Dark Truth
    February 14, 2019 at 8:52 am

    Whinycunt – perhaps all women that have tattoos aren’t skanks, but all skanks have tattoos.

  • WeRFuked
    February 14, 2019 at 6:45 am

    After my research on the Facebook machine…

    You can see the first sign of Kelly’s problems… tattoos. It also seems that since the pill popping started, she lost weight… so she has that going for her.
    I love that she is employed by “Nova Psychiatric Services” and attended Quincy College for Criminal Justice/Law.

    Jennifer Faye possibly has multiple addictions, and tanning herself is the most serious. Her boyfriend Phillip Curran has had at least one arrest for possession of heroin.

    Drugs are powerful. Here are two women who will throw it all away just to get high. Kelly still has a chance. Her pictures look like the drugs haven’t got the best of her yet. Sadly for Jennifer, It looks like she’s been playing this game a lot longer, and it shows.

    • Diane Woods emerson
      February 14, 2019 at 7:38 am

      Hey we r fucked
      Start off with something other than tats. I realize a lot of skanks have them but so do I and I am FAR from a skank. And have been getting tats for 30 yrs. no one can tell I am covered unless
      I chose to show. The rest I agree with but the stigma that still surrounds tattooing makes me nuts. Make it further down the list. Don’t judge anyone by tats. Thanks

      • z
        February 14, 2019 at 8:07 am

        The founder of the company I work for had his initials tattooed on the back of his hand.

        I once asked him why?

        “In case I get pulled over and I’m wasted the initials will give me a hint what my name is when the cops ask me my name.”

        He’s now retired. We do over a 100 million in revenue every year.

      • Manny Gladiator
        February 14, 2019 at 8:08 am

        do you have an M tattooed on each butt cheek to spell MOM when you bend over, or WOW when doing a handstand? If not then I highly recommend it.

      • nevis Gonzales
        February 14, 2019 at 10:00 am

        Most chicks with tats are indeed skanks or fulltime employees of a fried dough stand with some carnival. I’m glad you’re not a skank Ms. Whinycunt, it warms my heart. Perhaps you should put a tat across your forehead that says “I am not a skank” and change the minds of 99.786% of the people that view your tats and decide you are a skank. Could you please post a nude picture of yourself so the esteemed contributors to the comments section can decide if you’re a skank or a wonderful woman. Thank you.
        If you want to fight me come to 120 Gaslight Drive apt. #12 Weymouth

      • WeRFuked
        February 14, 2019 at 12:52 pm

        I’m sorry Ms. Cunt. You’ll need to explain your reasoning for getting tattoos. Self mutilation is not normal. I have a lot of friends with tattoos. And every one of them needs a shrink. They don’t realize it, but I do. I will say that just because you have them doesn’t mean you’re a skank. None of my friends are skanks. Many a rich man or woman have tattoos. It doesn’t mean you aren’t intelligent. It doesn’t mean you aren’t ambitious.
        Tattoos usually mean you’re hurting on the inside. You are trying to be something you are not, or you don’t like who you are or how you look. You’re somehow bored with your existence. There are a lot of reasons. It’s a form of self medication that I don’t agree with, that’s all.

        • Molly
          February 14, 2019 at 1:08 pm

          Based on your comment, I think you’re the one that needs a shrink..

          • WeRFuked
            February 14, 2019 at 4:21 pm

            Huh? You disagree with 99.9999% of physiatrists that say people who continually tattoo themselves are suffering from some type of chemical imbalance?
            They aren’t talking about someone who makes one bad mistake and gets drunk, goes ashore with his buddies and gets one in Korea.
            We’re talking about people who dye their hair blue. (Tell me that’s normal.) People who mutilate their ears with those big circles. Piercing nipples… why? Tattoos. Are. Not. Normal.

            People who get them are fighting inner demons. They don’t even know it Molly. They make excuses why they do it that make zero sense to the professionals who inquire about them.

            Do you have a lot of tats Molly? Why do you think you “like them?” Why do you want people to look beyond you and see something else besides what you see? Is it because you don’t like what people see on the outside, or do you feel ugly inside? We do you want people to look at you more than the average person? Do you not feel unique as a human being? Are you angry with the status quo so you want to be outside that box? Do you need the attention, however negative it may be? Are you trying to fit in with a group of like minded people, who all have the same empty feelings you do?

            Medication can do all that tats do, but with nobody on the outside knowing what’s going on on the inside.

          • Molly
            February 15, 2019 at 6:24 am

            I don’t know why you’re so obsessed with this and the way people look. I’m not really sure why you get to define what’s “normal” and what isn’t. Tattooing and piercing has been done since ancient times. Seems pretty normal to me. You on the other hand, do not 🙂

          • WeRFuked
            February 14, 2019 at 4:24 pm

            Damn spell check/auto correct.

          • WeRFuked
            February 15, 2019 at 2:22 pm

            Sorry Molly. Saying I can’t tell you that tattoos aren’t normal because people have been getting them since ancient times is like you trying to tell me that rape is normal, because, well, people have been doing it since ancient times. I’m not saying tattoos aren’t normal… society is. Doctors and most medical professionals will say it too.
            It’s self-mutilation. You don’t want to admit that. I understand. Remember, I could care less if you are covered in tats, but like everyone else on earth, I am going to judge you when I see them. There is indeed a reason why lower back tats are called “tramp stamps.” Because 99.99% of girls who got them are considered “easy.” You know why those girls are “easy?” Because they have a low-self esteem. Low morals. They don’t consider their body’s to be sacred. They don’t care that when they get drunk they do things they wouldn’t normally do. When they aren’t liquored to ease the pain… there are always the tattoos to use as medication.

          • Molly
            February 15, 2019 at 2:35 pm

            I just think you’re reading way too much into it. You sound like a weirdo and I doubt anyone here takes you seriously. You sound unhinged, truthfully. Luckily there aren’t many out there like you. Most people have better things to do than worry about how others choose to decorate their bodies. Remember it doesn’t affect you, and you can choose to look away. Admitting that you judge people for something that petty is really strange and I feel bad for you. By the way, I never answered your question, but I do not have tattoos.

          • WeRFuked
            February 15, 2019 at 7:28 pm

            Molly… doctors, psychiatrists, and many others who have studied this tattoo phenomenon, including myself (CACREP) and have determined that it is a sign of something deeper. That is all I’m saying. If you know someone who gets tattoos, get them help. Had Kelly’s family reached out to her when they first noticed a problem, maybe it wouldn’t have gotten this bad for her.
            You want to look the other way, but I can’t. I actually care about sick people.

      • The angry taint
        the angry taint
        February 14, 2019 at 5:21 pm

        how does one sign up for a viewing? asking for a friend, could i bring leigha too?

    • z
      February 14, 2019 at 7:51 am

      I was going to mention the tanning.
      Fuck the drugs, she should be charged with “Tanning – BlackFace – 2nd Degree”.

  • Street rat
    February 14, 2019 at 6:44 am

    Suspect #2…Yes I’m thinking maybe a couple times, then set her free. She’s definitely the stupider one. Suspect #1…not even with Kevin Cullens dick. Two of the biggest brain donors I’ve seen in a while.

    • Dark Truth
      February 14, 2019 at 8:50 am

      Whinycunt – perhaps all women that have tattoos aren’t skanks, but all skanks have tattoos.

  • Molly
    February 14, 2019 at 6:42 am

    Kelly is a former roommate of mine. Stole my dead grandfathers jewelry and my mother car. Glad this sack of shit got caught

    • Jerry Van Dyke
      February 14, 2019 at 8:26 am

      Your mothers’ a car???

      • Molly
        February 14, 2019 at 8:35 am

        Lol, just noticed that typo. Have mercy on me, I hadn’t had my coffee yet when I commented.

        • Big Wick
          February 14, 2019 at 8:55 am

          Yep, good typo, great “Jerry” (RIP) response. If you have to have an addiction, Molly, caffeine via Cup o’ Joe is the way to go. (I’m on my third.)

          And if ya don’t do anything more than that, you probably won’t end up on TB! 😉

      • Dick Van Dyke
        February 14, 2019 at 11:21 am

        LMAO! Great one Jerry! If her moms a car, shes on her second life. Cause everyone knows in the second life we all come back sooner or later, from everything from a pussy cat to a man eating alligator. You may think my story is more fiction than fact, but believe it or not my mother dear decided she’d come back, As a car, shes my very own guiding star!

  • AJ Gropey Baker
    February 14, 2019 at 6:08 am

    Skanks ughhh, gross… but if they were on a Jet Blue flight hubba hubba!

    A public service message if your SO has to work late or what-eval today. You might want to look into that. Unless you’ve been married for a looong time in which case saves you the trouble.

  • T.R.
    February 14, 2019 at 5:52 am

    They got some hard miles but still functional enough to poke in the tootsie hole.

  • Sgt. Truth Meter
    February 14, 2019 at 4:49 am

    I thought I had seen it all but holy shit; now I have seen it all.

  • Y
    February 14, 2019 at 12:30 am

    Bunghole Liquors… is that right next to Pussy Liquors?

    • Harvey Wienerstiener
      February 14, 2019 at 6:03 am

      Ya Bunghole lickhers is in the rear….

      • Y
        February 14, 2019 at 9:50 am

        Liquor in the front, Poker in the rear

  • Junkie
    February 14, 2019 at 12:27 am

    This blog collectively has got to work on proof reading their blogs, and fixing spelling errors/ missing words (that presumably got dropped or changed because of autofill) and other writing mistakes. TOTALLY SLOPPY. Every blog I read now has a word missing from the sentence entirely, or an error, or even a word that doesn’t belong. It ruins the natural flow of the reading experience which can take the humor out of the articles.

    • z
      February 14, 2019 at 7:54 am

      It’s a feature not a bug.

      Sure, 2 minutes running the text through MS Word would clean things up, but it isn’t that big of a deal.
      After awhile you just ignore it.

      • Y
        February 14, 2019 at 9:49 am

        I agree, to an extent. The errors have become a “feature,” but they’re annoying and not professional. If TBS wants to be considered professional, then they should at least try to proofread. Plus, it might make other media outlets more susceptible to citing their work.
        It’s just sloppy, no ifs, ands or buts about it.

        • Yore Grammar wheres army butes
          February 14, 2019 at 11:25 am

          a while

  • Uncle CornCob
    February 14, 2019 at 12:19 am

    Banana tamer lol

  • Brian
    February 14, 2019 at 12:16 am

    Not gonna lie. That looks like 2/3 of a fun threesome.

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