All-Star Criminals Turtleboy Investigates

This Is The Man Strokey Sullivan’s Car Is Registered To That He Was Punching The Clown In While Watching Children Leave School

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Earlier today we published this blog looking for a serial wanker who was caught midstroke punching the clown to a bunch of school girls at dismissal in Providence.

So we had some people run the plates and the name the car came back to was Steve Morgenstern, from Tiverton. So unless it was reported stolen (it wasn’t) or he lent out the car to another driver, our monkey beater is Steve Morgenstern, the owner of Steve Morgenstern Designer Originals LLC:


I studied that face a few times to make sure I had it right. Obviously we cannot 1,000% confirm it is him until the police release his name, but he’s got the exact same nose, cheeks, double chin, mustache, and hair pattern. Obviously the sunglasses, goatee, and angry face from being interrupted mid stroke make them look a little different.

Not much can be found about Steve’s business, since it only has two followers on Facebook, and he doesn’t have a website.

However, he seems to be married, and his wife seems to own a very successful business (which we won’t name because we don’t need to drag this poor lady into this), and thus the listed address they have is an ocean front property in Tiverton. So clearly they’re doing quite well for themselves.

According to the Internet Steve is 76 years old:

I’m not gonna lie, I didn’t realize people that old still jerked off. Do you jerk off till the day you die? Genuinely curious. I figured after a while it stopped working, which is why Viagra is so successful. But if you’re not having sex, then what do you need Viagra for? Seems like kind of a waste to pop a V-bomb if you’re just gonna use it to syphoning the serpent.

Anyway, we called Steve up to ask if that was him and left a message. If by some stroke (no pun intended) of misfortune that’s not him driving a car registered to him, then we’d be happy to clear this up. If it is him though, he should bow his head and shame for being such a pervatron.

11 Comment(s)
  • RickSalamander
    June 8, 2018 at 9:02 pm

    That’s messed up. Steve Morgenstern was pretty successful with Harvey & Otis Jewelry. His wife Candace Morgenstern is an executive for WAFA, a company that moves products, services, and people between the USA and Saudi Arabia. Their house in Tiverton is beautiful, right on an inlet coming off Buzzards Bay. Gots to go for half a mill at least. Sounds like Candace needs to work on her Stevie flute polishing skills. Hey Candace, better find the right type of lube before Stevie whacks himself off into a life sentance. I hear old dues like the smell of the cocoa butter.

    • vicxh
      June 11, 2018 at 8:47 am

      I think at this age Steven is free to find solace where he wants, just not in public in front of schools. If he is loaded, he could try seeking arrangement dot com, where I gather mutually beneficial transactions are set up.
      Cannot exclude some onset of dementia either, because people with dementia can start doing those things.

  • British TG
    June 8, 2018 at 5:47 pm

    There was a guy called Steve
    He liked to tug on his pork sleeve
    He was parked along the road
    As he was about to spill his load
    A visit from the cops, he’ll soon receive

  • Wabbitt
    June 8, 2018 at 4:13 pm

    So there’s no excuse for him not being able to afford a subscription to Brazzers AND Naughty America. Though he can go with GirlsDoPorn since young amateurs seem to be more his thing.

    Or just torrent his porn like everyone else.

    • Hughbo Mont
      June 9, 2018 at 11:58 am

      Why torrents? Legal porn is widely available for free with HTTPS protocol via web browers. Torrents are mostly used for illegal things. What kind of porn do you watch, Wabbit?

      • Wabbitt
        June 9, 2018 at 3:47 pm

        I enjoy the story, so I prefer long form films over brief, disjointed clips.

        I want to know Riley Reid’s motivation for getting pounded in the dumper by a guy with a dick bigger than her leg, not just see the pounding.

        • vicxh
          June 11, 2018 at 8:49 am

          Nice. I also like the backstory and psychological profile of my porn stars. Like what they thought they wanted to be doing as career when they were young, do they have daddy issues and what goes through their mind when they are getting ready to be penetrated on camera,

          On second thoughts, nah, just moan and suck and pretend to enjoy it on camera 🙂

  • vicxh
    June 8, 2018 at 3:40 pm

    If you don’t use it you lose it. Someone better send him a link to pornhub – much better and much safer

  • Captain Trips
    June 8, 2018 at 3:31 pm

    That’s Super Mario and he was just playing a little Donkey Kong

  • TJB
    June 8, 2018 at 3:12 pm

    I wonder if his old lady knows he’s waxing the dolphin while playing pee wee herman?

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