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Earlier today we published this blog looking for a serial wanker who was caught midstroke punching the clown to a bunch of school girls at dismissal in Providence.

So we had some people run the plates and the name the car came back to was Steve Morgenstern, from Tiverton. So unless it was reported stolen (it wasn’t) or he lent out the car to another driver, our monkey beater is Steve Morgenstern, the owner of Steve Morgenstern Designer Originals LLC:

I studied that face a few times to make sure I had it right. Obviously we cannot 1,000% confirm it is him until the police release his name, but he’s got the exact same nose, cheeks, double chin, mustache, and hair pattern. Obviously the sunglasses, goatee, and angry face from being interrupted mid stroke make them look a little different.

Not much can be found about Steve’s business, since it only has two followers on Facebook, and he doesn’t have a website.

However, he seems to be married, and his wife seems to own a very successful business (which we won’t name because we don’t need to drag this poor lady into this), and thus the listed address they have is an ocean front property in Tiverton. So clearly they’re doing quite well for themselves.

According to the Internet Steve is 76 years old:

I’m not gonna lie, I didn’t realize people that old still jerked off. Do you jerk off till the day you die? Genuinely curious. I figured after a while it stopped working, which is why Viagra is so successful. But if you’re not having sex, then what do you need Viagra for? Seems like kind of a waste to pop a V-bomb if you’re just gonna use it to syphoning the serpent.

Anyway, we called Steve up to ask if that was him and left a message. If by some stroke (no pun intended) of misfortune that’s not him driving a car registered to him, then we’d be happy to clear this up. If it is him though, he should bow his head and shame for being such a pervatron.