Two months ago Joe Kennedy was comfortably ahead of incumbent Ed Markey in the polls, and was set to become a United States Senator from Massachusetts for the next 40 years. Then we exposed his troubling close ties with the most vile racist in the country, Monica Cannon-Grant. We gave him a chance to distance himself from this ratchet but he thought Turtleboy didn’t matter, and since the Globe never wrote about it he figured no one would know and he continued to trot her out as his token black supporter from Boston at campaign events.
Turns out people do read Turtleboy, because Kennedy sunk like a stone in the polls and lost by over 10 points last night. For the first time since 1947 there will not be a Kennedy serving in office in Washington DC. Politically Ed Markey is just as bad and is actually endorsed by worse people, but the fact of the matter is that pretending TB doesn’t exist is not a winning strategy politicians should continue to employ.
Markey will go on and likely easily defeat Kevin O’Connor, the winner of the Republican primary. I’ll vote for O’Connor but you’re not gonna beat an incumbent democrat in Massachusetts in a Presidential election year. That’s just not how this works. It would take a transcendental republican candidate to do that, and even then the best they could hope for is MAYBE 45%. Kevin O’Connor seems like a nice guy but he ain’t that dude. I explained last night on the live show.
Some people might like this commercial he ran, but it’s just so cringe for me.
To be a Republican to take out a Democrat in Massachusetts you have to be able to convince a bunch of liberal leaning women to vote for you. They want you to smile and seem friendly like Scott Brown was. That commercial is just angry, reeked of hardo with the fist bumps and tough guy routine, hardly had any chicks in it, and made it look like the only people voting for him are grizzled white dudes.
Is a smile too much to ask for? It doesn’t mean anything to me, but these things matter when you’re trying to win elections. I’d still have Kevin O’Connor on the live show if he wants to come on though.
Anyway, the guy he beat was Shiva Ayyadurai, the inventor of email. I’ve voted for Shiva before and I’ve had him on the live show. I like him because he’s crazy and says shit no one else does. He also pulls hilarious stunts while campaigning so if he won at least it would be an entertaining campaign. But out here in grownup land I knew that it didn’t matter who won this primary because either one would lose to Markey. And even though Shiva has hundreds of thousands of followers on social media and has been promoted by national figures like Donald Trump Jr, the fact of the matter is that the Republican establishment isn’t gonna get behind a conspiracy theorist named Shiva. Every single elected Republican in this state endorsed O’Connor, he seemed like a normal person, and he won with 60% of the vote.
If you drive along Route 2 in Western Mass you will see Shiva signs EVERYWHERE. And he dominated most of those towns and the Quabbin Reservoir.. The problem is nobody lives in Western Mass and the biggest city he won in the state was Gardner. He lost handily in Worcester, Springfield, Boston, Lowell, and every population center. But at least Colrain, Heath, Otis, Plainfield, Eving, Gosnold, Cummington, and the two people that gave him a landslide victory in Monroe.
I KNEW that if Shiva lost there was a 0.00000% chance he’d concede, because Shiva’s crazy, which I find entertaining. And last night he gave one of the most hilarious “concession” speeches of all time, in which he alleged widespread election fraud in “third world Massachusetts,” blamed the corrupt republican and democratic establishments, said that O’Connor couldn’t have won because you don’t see many O’Connor yard signs, brought up anecdotes about people who told him he would win in a landslide, claimed that 200,000 votes for him were shred, and suggested that his supporters grab their guns and keep on fighting (whatever that means).
LOL. This guy.
Nothing gets by him.
This will go down as the most iconic quote from a consolation speech in political history.
“Fuck Kevin O’Connor, fuck Charlie Baker, screw all these guys, because they’re all frauds. They’ve never worked a day in their lives, and screw them. They’re scumbags.”
That is not a traditional concession speech, but Shiva is not a traditional candidate for Senate, and his supporters agree that he did not lose this election fairly. I’ve assembled a list of the top 11 comments from Shiva’s “Fuck Kevin O’Connor” speech because it’s just too entertaining not to share.
11. “Democratic conspiracy”
Yes Joanne, the democrats conspired to put the composed and collected guy on the ballot because he’d be less appealing in the general election.
10. “The Western people voted for you”
Good point Susan. As soon as the missing votes in Tyringham show up Shiva will overcome a 40,000 vote deficit.
9. “Demand a recount and see every ballot,” “Get the people to claim their votes”
Yes, this is how elections work. When you lose by 20 points you are entitled to a hand recount where every single voter must claim their ballot. Listen to Jomo, he knows what he’s talking about.
8. “They gave me a democratic ballot and was tricked,” “They intentionally gave me a democratic ballot”
Those tricky democrats with their ballots! They thought they could pull a fast one on Stephanie and Kristen here, but nothing gets by Mama dog filter.
7. “I saw Shiva signs”
Breaking news – man with Shawn Hunter haircut discovers that yard signs on Route 2 don’t vote.
6. “O’Connor was a plant to offset Shiva’s vote”
Yea, the guy running against Shiva was ONLY there to offset Shiva’s vote by getting people to vote for him instead. Almost as if this was some sort of election where people got to choose between two candidates!
5. “Deep state”
I’m still not quite sure what the deep state is, but I’m quite certain Kevin O’Connor is not part of it, being as he’s a republican in Massachusetts. Perhaps Chris Nichols could point me towards some literature to better educate me on the Deep State’s conspiracy to stop Shiva.
4. “How did Shiva lose if he has people from other states who know who he is?”
Good point Anna. Shiva has 250K Facebook followers, but most do not live in this state. It’s almost as if Ohio residents like Anna can’t vote in Massachusetts primaries. That MAY have something to do with it. She might not be the brightest bulb, but at least she won’t have a problem finding a guy to marry her.
3. “Make an excel spread sheet”
That’s actually a brilliant idea. To prove that Shiva won all he he has to do is get the 90,000 people who voted for him, plus the 200,000 people who had their votes shreded, to text him with a pinky swear that they voted for him, and he can input those 290,000 people into an excel spreadsheet to present to the election commission. It’s just that easy.
2. “I wrote Shiva in the Democrat ballot”
If they wouldn’t give Michelle a republican ballot it’s because she’s a registered democrat. And unfortunately her write in vote won’t for Shiva will count as a democratic vote but not in the one the election that matters. I for one am shocked that the woman who dedicates most of her free time to protesting on behalf of foreskin would make such a rookie mistake.
1. “Call Trump”
“Hello Donald? It’s me Karen. I’m gonna need you to stop running the country and look into this Republican primary in a state we have no chance of winning to find out why Shiva lost by 40,000 votes to a guy I’ve never heard of before. K thanks.”
Stay tuned to see what happens, as this race is FAR from over.
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