The best part about blogging for Turtleboy is waking up every day and having no idea what fuckery we’ll be blogging about today. What debauchery did we get tagged in? What queefer madness is in the inbox? Sometimes I think I’ve seen it all, and then I witness on the New Bedford Guide (a well respected media outlet in the South Coast) a crack donkey getting pummeled for 15 seconds straight at a gas station by some chud whose drugs fall out of his pantaloons during the beating. My favorite part is the woman in the background trying to fill her car up with gas who doesn’t seem the least bit surprised or fazed about what she’s witnessing.
Home boy wore his fightin’ Jordans, so you knew he meant bidness. And that video had more crack in it than the New Bedford Housing Authority.
Question – was that great offense, or great defense? Tucrack Shakur was swinging like a professional boxer, but he didn’t get any solid hits in.
Good form, but he left himself wide open for a counter. Tucrack was lucky Plumber’s Crack Pablo was probably high out of his mind off the stash he stole from him. You can tell this wasn’t the first time he’s had to curl up like a morbidly obese fetus that doesn’t wanna come out of the love canal.
Just look at the way he protects his head and fupa simultaneously. The man knows that when your line of work is ripping off drug dealers in New Bedford you best be able to sustain a beating or two.
Just to be on the safe side he remained in the prenatal position for a full minute after Tucrack gloriously walked away in triumph.
Another productive day for the fine people of New Bedford.
I still can’t get over girlfriend in the background who clearly can see this all going on and is asking herself, “Do I wanna splurge on Plus this time, or stick with Regular?”
There have been three kinds of reactions to this post on the New Bedford Guide’s Facebook page. You’ve got the normal, fun, interesting people who enjoy a good bum fight, and understand that a media outlet broadcasting something like this can help police identify and arrest Tucrack.
Then you’ve got the proverbial turds in the Sangria who virtue signal about how the NBG should be “ashamed” for broadcasting viral local news.
These are the same people who complain that calling Baltimore a rat infested shithole is racist. They want to deny the reality of urban decay from their homes in Westport and Acushnet. How dare a New Bedford news outlet broadcast the shocking reality of crime and drug use in New Bedford! These people love missionary position and hate anything resembling fun.
Then there were my favorite types of New Bedford folk – the lowered expectation mother fuckers.
The ol’ “Hey, at least no one got shot! We’re making progress here.”
Baby steps New Bedford. Baby steps.
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