Turns Out The Guy Who Sent Us Death Threats Is A Child Rapist And Now He’s Threatening To Slit SSTG’s Throat While Desk Girl Is Trying To Jump His Bone
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Earlier today this local rapper named Riston Borges sent us our daily death threat, and told us we would be getting “merked”:
Turns out this winner is already Internet famous:
Oh look, a child rapist. Are we noticing a trend here people? Everyone who hates Turtleboy is an asshole. Literally everyone. There isn’t a single decent human being out there who hates our blog. We attract GREAT people to ride the turtle. Look at our comments section on Facebook. Everyone is smart. Everyone is profound. Everyone is funny. Everyone is witty. Everyone is cool. Everyone is hot.
Then look at people who think our blog sucks. Everyone is ratchet. Everyone’s a snowflake. And many of them are child rapists like Riston Borges – AKA the child rapist.
Anyway, Riston didn’t like the blog we published about him, and he got into it with South Shore Turtlegirl. First he explained what “merked” means:
OK, glad that’s cleared up.
LOL. He’s a “gross ass man.” No argument here.
SSTG was clearly in a bad mood:
That’s right, this is Riston’s state. We’re all just living in it.
Then he continued the death threats to SSTG:
He also runs his own rap label, so you know he’s legit:
All I know is, when SSTG gets her throat sliced, she’s gonna remember this conversation and feel really dumb:
SSTG was losing her Goddamn mind, so it was time to tap out and bring in the much more reasonable Turtleboy media liaison – Deskie:
And since Deskie is so ugly and desperate she actually thought this child raping scrotum-choad was physically attractive:
Then he threatened to chop Uncle Turtleboy’s ding-dong off:
It’s cool though, because he has “power in this state,” just not enough power to get his past history of diddling children erased from the Internet:
Vice President of the outlaw bike gang? Sounds legit.
Since Deskie clearly wanted to jump this winner’s bone she had to ask him about the elephant in the room – the whole “child rapist” thing:
So how does he explain the whole pedophile thing?
So let me get this straight, Riston didn’t molest any child. He was actually molested by the father of the child he allegedly molested, and when the cops got there the dad told the cops that Riston molested his son, not him. Thus the child raping dad got a free pass. Yup, his story checks out.
After that even Deskie seemed disinterested and Riston started talking to himself, rambling on about nothing and throwing in the occasional 100 emoji.
Can’t wait to see what we wake up to in our inbox tomorrow. It’s fun being Turtleboy.
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