Turtleboy Ratchet Madness Finals: Fall River Guttermuppet vs. Trashley Loslopi-ho, SSTG And Uncle TB Make Their Case For Each

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The voting in our second Final 4 matchup of Turtleboy Ratchet Madness is completed. And in the least shocking news ever, the Guttermuppet has advanced to the Championship game to faceoff against Ashley Losapio.

We knew this day was coming – Guttermuppet vs. Trashley Loslapi-ho for the right to be crowned Queen Ratchet.

Here’s a quick review of how we got here:

South Shore Turtlegirl and Uncle Turtleboy were talking about this today and we completely disagree on who should win. SSTG thinks it should go to the Guttermuppet, and Uncle Turtleboy is on Team Trashley. So we’ll give each of them a chance to make their case about why you should vote for their candidate………

SSTG

Look, I don’t get emotionally invested in the ratchets I blog about. I write up a couple of stories and move the fuck on. Guttermuppet was that exception. I’ve been so angry at this girl that I’ve dug my fingernails in to my own palms and made my hand bleed. There are eight parts to her story. Eight. I did everything I could to fight for her kids. We, as Turtleriders, became so concerned over them that we lost sleep. We finally won when the kids were ripped out of her arms by DCF and placed in to foster care. I finally thought it was over. Then, I get the news that she’s pregnant again and it could be one of four people who fathered it. This saga will never end. Here’s some highlights. •

• She started a GFM because she was a single mom. That’s it.
• She’s a pathological liar. She went as far as to ask the entire city of Fall River to co-sign a loan for her because her car was stolen. By stolen I mean repossessed for non-payment.
• She’s had so many scams she’s had to change her name from Brittany Merlino to Cassandra Bossworth.
• She knowingly married a guy who went to jail for having raped a toddler.
• She knowingly married a guy whose mother went to jail for raping a 12 year-old boy.
• Her first child was removed from her care for suffering constant injuries; including a broken leg. Instead of fulfilling the requirements to get the kid back she allowed him to go up for adoption and had two more.
• She took out a restraining order on her mom and husband.
• Taped a hysterical video screaming at Turtleboy for blogging about her.
• She went looking for her estranged, pedo, husband after his sixteen year old girlfriend said he died in a blizzard.
• She was selling broken items on yardsale pages and then blocking people who wanted their money back.
• She tried to give her kids away for the weekend to complete strangers on a Yard Sale site. All so she could spent the weekend banging her pedo husband who wasn’t dead in a snow bank.
• Had pedo ex husband arrested the following Wednesday for breaching his restraining order.
• Ends up in a shelter and has more than eight 51a’s because she was abusing her kids in front of mandated reporters.
• DCF takes the kids. Her mom messages SSTG to say that she has custody of the them and that Guttermuppet was getting admitted to a psych hospital for treatment. That was a LIE. So, because I hate being lied to, I’m going to release the matchup you’ve all been waiting for after voting today. Desk Girl vs Guttermuppet. Starring in: “THE FORM.” Trashley is but a murmur these days. Guttermuppet is the Neverending Story of Ratchet with no sign of stopping. Plus, she’s going to drop another calf in five months. That alone should make you vote for her.

Uncle Turtleboy

The Guttermuppet is ratchet and trashy indeed. But at the end of the day she’s a run of the mill junkie trashbag. People like her are unfortunately a dime a dozen. Ashley Losapio is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. I truly hate her with every ounce of my being. I know for a fact she was calling up people she trusted (mistakingly because they immediately told us) and asking for information on who Turtleboy was so she could stick her ghetto hoodrats on us. More than anything I hate what she stands for and the fact that she continues to get away with it. The Guttermuppet is here for our amusement and no one takes her seriously. Trashley has a real job, with real power, and gets to carry herself every day as some sort of legitimate citizen. She is nothing more than the Guttermuppet with a makeover and fresh underpants. Here’s the highlights:

• Has the most oddly proportioned body we’ve ever seen. Normal looking from the hips up, but because of her gigantic calves and thunder thighs, she looks like one of those wooden Russian dolls that you fit the smaller one inside the bigger one, but with the wrong two pieces on top of each other.
• She was born into a wealthy family, and her mother married a judge, whose surname (Losapio) she took, simply because she’s a corrupt trashbag who wanted to have the same last name as a man with influence.
• She went to Holy Name. Nuff said.
• She has been known to only bang local drug dealers and gangstas, because as a rich white chick this is how she attempts to keep it real.
• She got a job at the probation department, where she had access to confidential information on state’s witnesses, which she then began handing out to her gangsta friends like it was cheap wine. Several witnesses have disappeared, but none could be tied to her.
• Despite a Boston Globe expose on her corruption, she was still able to use Daddy’s influence to keep her job, where she continues to work to this day.
• Allowed Giancarlo Zambrano, a well known drug dealer and scam artist, to penetrate her penis fly trap.
• She spent time with Giancarlo’s twin brother, Jorge, who ended up killing Auburn Police Officer Ron Tarentino in May of 2016.
• She posted pictures of herself and Giancarlo on Instagram flying to exotic locations all over the world, paid for by drug money.
• We have sooooo much more on her that we hope to be able to release in the coming weeks.

Obviously the Guttermuppet has left a much larger and more well documented trail of ratchetry. But that’s only because she doesn’t have the resources and cunning that Trashley does. She is the most ratchet individual we have ever written about.

So there you have it folks. SSTG and Uncle Turtleboy have made their cases. Now it’s time for you to decide the long awaited question – who is the Queen Ratchet?

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