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Debra Pitts and Jennifer Tozzi were desperate to take a ride on the New Hampshire H-train on Saturday night but their financial situation was less than ideal because, drugs.
These two burned through their 5 remaining brain cells and hatched a genius plan to order a pizza from Dominos and then stab and rob the poor delivery dude who showed up to the apartment at 10 Trinity Street. Thankfully a neighbor heard screaming and threatened to call the police so Timon and Pumba took off on foot with their loot. I always thought that delivery drivers only carried about $20-$30 bucks on them but evidently they got away with $300 after ripping his wallet from him. 3 bills seems awfully silly when compared to the $100,000 cash bail they’re up against but money ‘aint a thing when you’ve got a bundle and a dream.
These broads aren’t strangers to the system. They’ve both been arrested and have served time. They both have kids with more than 1 baby-daddy. They look like they need a tetanus shot, some vitamin-C and a run through the car wash (and not the cheap $6 one that leaves bird poop stuck on your window. I’m talking super heavy duty with hot wax and shit. Throw a mini tree air freshener in there for good measure). It’s crazy to me that they’re only 31 and 34 because they look like they have advanced osteoporosis and can fondly recall the end of prohibition.
Jennifer Tozzi got bagged last year when her and some loser who resembles Dobby got bagged with warrants and a bunch of crack and heroin in their car.
It’s all good though because when Jens not in jail she’s killing time by pumping out illegitimate babies.
Prison is so funny, lol.
Good luck with that. Armed robbery, a drug habit, 3 kids.. What could possibly go wrong?
The real winner here is Debra Pitts. Jennifer looks like mother Theresa compared to Lady Sweatpants.
It seems as though this isn’t Debbies first shot at being a criminal mastermind. Back in 2013 when she was just a month away from giving birth to her daughter, her and a couple of esteemed colleagues thought they could rob a pharmacy at 4 a.m. if they slapped some old video game wires and junk onto Stanley and convince the pharmacist it was a bomb.
Heroin makes you do all sorts of things. You know, like duct taping a perfectly good Sega to your body in the middle of the night and believing you are capable of outsmarting someone with 6-8 years of higher education. I wish I could have seen the pharmacists face when this went down.
I imagine it went like this:
“What’s that? You have a bomb? Wow. Cool story bro. Hold on a sec.”
“9-1-1 what’s your emergency?”
“Yeah Hi. Sonic The Hedgehog and Tails are here. Do you think if I acted like Dr. Robotnik they’ll leave? No? Can you come get them? K thanks.”
Ok, let’s backtrack for a minute and get to what REALLY makes Debra a grade-A steaming pile of buttmud because all joking aside, this chick is one evil motherfucker who almost had her father sentenced to prison for the rest of his life.
Debbie’s dad Ernest Simuro and her mom Laureen had raised Debbie’s learning-disabled son since birth because Deb was a drug addict. Right after Laureen died from cancer in 2007, Debra was given joint custody of her son but was stripped of it the same year after her boyfriends house was raided for drugs while her kid was in the house. Ernest’s full custody of the little boy pissed Debra off to no end and in 2008 while she was in treatment at Valley Vista in Bradford, Vt. for heroin addiction she told staff members that her dad had sexually abused her from ages 10-20. The facility called the police but Deb Immediately recanted her statement. 4 days later she told another staff member that her father had assaulted her son causing the cops to get involved yet again. Police interviewed Ernest and decided Debra was full of shit.
2 1/2 years go by and everything is great. Ernest takes care of his grandson and handles all of the day to day responsibilities. School, doctors appointments, all of the things that Deb could’ve been doing if she weren’t being a selfish piece of shit, etc.
2010 rolls around and during a DCF interview Debs again claims that her father sexually abused her AND that she had a videotape of her son (then 6 years old) that showed him in the bath tub talking about being molested by his grandfather.
WITHOUT EVEN WATCHING THE VIDEO the DCF supervisor contacted the Windsor police, launched an investigation and had Simuro bring the boy in for questioning.
So Ernie got to go home with his grandson and it was a done deal, right?
Ernest was booked for sexual assault and forced to pack a bag and move from his house to a hotel and have zero contact with his grandson. Did the kid end up with his mom? Of course not. Debra’s brother Steve watched his nephew for a few days before he was placed into a foster home until a month later when he was moved back home to stay with his uncle.
Debra continued to fling allegations at her father and claimed that he beat her while she was pregnant and cut her stomach with a knife. DCF went right along with it and went so far as requesting that Ernest’s name be listed on the states child protection registry. Getting on that list essentially ruins your fucking life so good luck ever trying to get a job or pass a background check. They also slapped Ernest with a ton of charges:
Oh, and Simuro was put on house arrest, still without a single shred of evidence. Finally his attorney was able to convince the court that the entire thing was bogus. This kid showed zero signs of abuse, had not one single incident at school or with his long-running therapist. They reviewed the “bathtub” video over and over again and there was nothing. Ernest finally got all the charges dropped and was granted a full adoption of his grandson in 2012.
Start to finish? 4+ years of allegations, court, fines funded by his retirement savings, house arrest and community alienation. Ernest turned around the sued the pants off of DCF and everyone involved, got a 400k settlement and moved to Connecticut.
Since then Debra obviously hasn’t changed one goddamn bit. She’s still a scumbag drug user who rarely sees her son, never mind the other kid(s?) she’s flopped out of her uterus.
You catch that? Who’s the dad? No one.
Look at this wheezing slop tart. She’s a repeat offender, has jeopardized her children’s wellbeing and safety multiple times and intentionally tried to ruin her fathers life by spewing a bunch of shit to DCF while she was probably doped out of her mind. What she SHOULD have been doing is kissing her fathers ass for taking care of her son and providing him with a safe environment while she was out being a selfish sow.
I’m sorry, I just threw up in my mouth.
Throw these two hooved trashbombs in prison. The N.H. courts need to stop giving them the chance to do drugs, break the law, hurt people and breed more children that they don’t plan on taking care of.
Oh, and shoutout to Danielle!