All-Star Criminals

Virtue Signalers Up In Arms That People Are “Body Shaming” Two Ripoffpotamuses Who Robbed A Beauty Store In Berlin And Police Are Looking For On Facebook

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Earlier this week a bunch of people tagged Turtleboy on this Berlin Police Department Facebook post.

Wow, that takes guts right there. Big guts. Unfortunately the crime happened two months ago, so if the criminals were on foot they’re at least a mile and a half away by now. Although odds are at least one of them has died from a heart attack, so their status is up in the air. According to the cops they stashed $1,200 worth of stuff in their purses, but that doesn’t include the fupa factor.

You could hide an antire Thai youth soccer team deep within her caverns, which is why she always  bares the midriff on robbery days.

These tittooed tamale sisters have to be the most identifiable criminals ever. Although based on their appearance I think it’s safe to say that looking in Clinton would be a good start.

It’s safe to say that this is by far the biggest post in BPD history. And as you can imagine, the comments section was rather colorful.

Fair game right? After all, they’re criminals. It’s OK to make fun of criminals.

But of course the fun patrol had to virtue signal about the feelings of these ratchet raviolis.

Oh no, muh feelz!! You can’t say mean things about the physical appearance of criminals! I’m sure they just have low metabolism rates.

There was a lot of this too.

It’s pretty simple – don’t rob stores and you don’t run the risk of being body shamed. And if you are a plus sized pinata, and you insist on committing crimes, then maybe don’t wear the clothes that used to fit before you discovered blue cheese. It will make it harder to “body shame.”

And yes, if a male lardo walked into a store with his rolls showing on camera, and was shamed by the local police department, I’m willing to bet people would make fun of that too.

But what it if it was your sister?

Odds are if my sister was a ratchet, then I too would be a ratchet. In which case I’d likely be in the comments section insisting that they dindu nuffin, while shouting free muh boi at the top of my lungs.

If they were drop dead gorgeous they wouldn’t need to rob stores like this because they could just find some idiot to buy it for them.

Actually, we are going to do this, because that’s how freedom works. There is also plenty of reason to body shame, because their actions are shameful, as are their bodies. I don’t dislike them because they’re fat; I dislike them because they’re criminals. And when you cross that line you are no longer deserving of civility in the comments.

Then we had this clam.

Yea, all you mean single guys are obviously just jealous. This could be your life if you were just nicer:

This one had my dying. Not so much because of her comment, but because of the first one after it.

Savage. How appropriate for a post about the Nacho Clan.

Is it bad that I laughed the hardest at this one though?

“Making fun of fat bitches is the best though.”

Some people just cut right to the chase.

Finally the BPD had to step in to restore civility.

Oh come on. “Making remarks about a person’s appearance has nothing to do with identifying them.”

Except it does. It has everything to do with identifying them. Chances are they’re at a Cumby’s somewhere right now buying Newport Lights and scratch tickets with their food stamps. And at the very least we know not to waste our time looking for them at Planet Fitness. We can tell these things specifically because of their physical appearance.

You can’t ask for the public’s help and then whine when people say mean things on your Facebook page. That’s not how the Internet works. You gotta know when you post a picture of two beef blumpkins covered in tittooes that people are going to make comments about that. It’s human nature. It’s also the biggest post they’ve ever made, and the more people interact with it the more likely it is that someone will recognize them. Quite frankly I’m shocked no one has four days later.

Meanwhile, Vivian Avenatti says she’s suing if BPD blocks her.

Sounds serious!

Anyway, if you know who either of these ripoffpotamuses are feel free to let us know. I find it unfathomable that at least one person can’t identify one of them.

40 Comment(s)
  • Sloppy
    January 7, 2019 at 9:24 pm

    The cops should say right in the description that they’re looking for “two obese sweaty slobs” or something to that effect.
    Probably wouldn’t help more than the surveillance footage, but it sure would be funny to see how the SJWs react.

  • Let me up, I've had enough
    January 7, 2019 at 1:53 pm

    So… they robbed a beauty supply store and got away with over $1,200 in merchandise? These two heffers didn’t steal nearly enough.

    ….and just my opinion… it is always ugly white women that come to these fat bitches defenses when you know damn well that these same women were even more savage to those same types of girls when they were growing up.

  • Captain Trips
    Deshawn E. Johnson III
    January 7, 2019 at 1:29 pm

    That be one ton of fun right there! Yaaass saww!

  • Clitty Litter
    January 7, 2019 at 12:44 pm

    I saw these two in the Guinness Book of World Records riding motorcycles that looked like mini-bikes.

  • WeAreFukd
    January 7, 2019 at 8:32 am

    I’m overweight because I like food, and I’m lazy. Less than ten percent of overweight Americans have a reasonable medical excuse. Seventy-five percent of Americans are overweight because of mental illness. The other 15%+ of us… just plain fat and lazy.

    If you’re fat and don’t care, and especially if you think you look fine, chances are pretty good you’re mentally ill. No normal person wants to be fat. No normal person thinks being fat looks good. No normal person thinks that another human being finds them attractive if they are fat.

    Guess what ladies, the “yoga” stretch pants are not a good look if you are overweight. They don’t make you look thinner. Every thin person looking at you is shamming you, albeit to themselves. You look fricken ridiculous. Bloody awful. STOP IT.

  • Independent Thinker
    January 7, 2019 at 7:45 am

    Kind of ironic that people who look like that would rob a beauty store. Still, this is why law abiding citizens need to be armed. Next time they may not be so lucky, and instead of seeing surveillance footage of them walking out of the store, we will see their bodies being removed while watching the evening news.

  • Mr. Nuttasit Keawcham
    January 6, 2019 at 9:07 pm

    They will need some good lawyers, maybe Sara Lee Bailey and Gloria Eaton Allreddy…

  • Celia Light
    January 6, 2019 at 8:13 pm

    I don’t get why anyone is saying either of those women aren’t in shape. “Round” is a shape, too….

  • Your Momma
    January 6, 2019 at 7:36 pm

    1. Yo mamma so fat I took a picture of her last Christmas, and it’s still printing.

    2. Yo mamma so fat not even Dora can explore her.

    3. Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint roller.

    4. Yo mamma so fat when she goes swimming the whales start singing “We are Family.”

    5. Yo mama so fat she don’t fit in this joke.

    6: Yo mamma so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip-flops.

    7. Yo mamma so fat she sat on Wal-Mart and lowered the prices.

    8. Yo Mamma so fat, she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.

    9. Yo mama so fat she leaves footsteps in concrete.

    10. Yo mamma so fat, it takes her two trips to haul ass.

    • Captain Trips
      Captain Trips
      January 7, 2019 at 1:26 pm

      Yo mamma so fat when she order chinese delivery, they send an 18 wheeler

      Yo mamma so fat when she swim in the ocean, it floods the coastline

  • Judge dread
    January 6, 2019 at 5:33 pm

    What the fuck is wrong with society these days? I mean one of the reasons i quit FB 2 years ago was to escape this kind of chicken neck dog shit. Suing a police department because you race bait and push an anti cop agenda and you get banned; then try to compare yourself to donald trump in order to get some extra victim points??

    As a judge I will not send them on a one way trip to international waters. I want these people involved to learn from their mistakes; not pay for them.

    6 weeks, 8 hours per week.
    In the town square stalks.
    Raw veggies are based on vendor availability.

    • Amnesty International
      January 6, 2019 at 5:57 pm

      Raw vegetables would amount to cruel and unusual punishment for those two.

      • Judge dread
        January 6, 2019 at 8:01 pm

        spoiled or rotten?

  • Mr.? Gabe Murchison
    January 6, 2019 at 5:19 pm

    Berlin has a police department?

    Just stake out the Imperial Chinese Buffet, they’ll show up within the week.

    • Lane Bryant
      January 6, 2019 at 10:23 pm

      In case you’re all wondering yes you are seeing the world’s first fupathong. Massachusetts was one of our test markets so these ladies are probably local. If you like it you can find it in our spring catalogue.

      • Lane Bryant
        January 6, 2019 at 10:28 pm

        Fuck! That wasn’t supposed to be a reply. Posting comments while alternative bites of cheesecake and cookie batter requires a little more concentration than I realized.

  • Lenny Brisco
    January 6, 2019 at 5:19 pm

    The cops need to check with area buffets to see if they’ll share their blacklists. Surely these two are known persons non grata.

  • Mom's Basement
    January 6, 2019 at 5:02 pm

    Just more ratchets with “the disease.” My buddy who’s a cop said that they were picked up on surveillance a few hours later freebasing meatloaf behind the dumpster at Boston Market. 

    • Let me up, I've had enough
      January 7, 2019 at 2:14 pm

      LOLOLOLOL… That’s some funny shit right there. Kudos.

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    Mary Quigley Fomenko
    January 6, 2019 at 4:52 pm

    What a couple of fat bitches.

    • murdochpatsymcreynolds
      Jeanette Terry Marcum
      January 6, 2019 at 4:54 pm

      So fat.

    • murdochpatsymcreynolds
      Lisa Marie Muarry
      January 6, 2019 at 5:20 pm

      They’re such fat fucks!

    • Tom Blackburn
      January 6, 2019 at 5:24 pm

      Disemboweling fat sluts would be so fun. Just a waterfall of blood and organs and blubber. Trash bitches!

  • randiguy2006
    Randall Guy
    January 6, 2019 at 4:18 pm

    So the cops told people to knock it off.
    They must be against free speech, right?

  • Two Patch Crappy Jack
    January 6, 2019 at 3:15 pm

    They strolled in like they were strolling into an all you can eat buffet. 1200 bucks of supplies isn’t enough. Not nearly enough

  • MrSmiley
    January 6, 2019 at 3:11 pm

    Big is not beautiful. Big is 2 steps away from diabeetuss and a heart attack. If it was a fat dude damn sure comments would be the same. It’s the first thing any human comments on social media. All the teachers banging students, that loser felon in CA who’s a model now because of his mugshot etc etc. People can’t have fun anymore. Butthurt patrol is fully staffed.

  • Please Help
    January 6, 2019 at 2:57 pm

    The Berlin Police needs your help identifying these two particular residents because they are like ‘Fuck man they look like every other fat girl in Berlin who goes into a ‘Beauty store'” We can’t arrest the half of the town!

  • Red Alert
    January 6, 2019 at 2:50 pm

    Although not confirmed I was told the local McDonalds, Burger King, Dunkin Donuts and all Hot Dog stands should be careful.

  • Joe Friday
    January 6, 2019 at 2:38 pm

    These two porkers have dive bar wriiten all over them. That’s where you’ll find them…

  • Barfff
    January 6, 2019 at 2:28 pm

    These girls are fucking gross. There’s only one person I can think of who would have sex with them and his name rhymes with Brian Waters.

  • The Vorlon
    Kosh Naranek
    January 6, 2019 at 2:21 pm

    Oh, come on! The titooed twins should be easy to track, since they have distinctive, ah, “artwork”.

    Ware might be a good place to start to look for them.

  • PETA supporter
    January 6, 2019 at 2:20 pm

    Word on the street is the police tried to use dogs to track the sent and after following a trail of fat girl B.O. the dogs passed out and had to be rushed to the closest Veterinarian.

    • Let me up, I've had enough
      January 7, 2019 at 2:19 pm

      OMG – I though I was laughing hard at the comment before from “Moms Basement”, but this one still has me going 5 minutes later.

      **** Shit, the comments on this particular blog are fucking hysterical ****

  • Peter Niss
    P. Niss
    January 6, 2019 at 2:02 pm

    Is that Fred Dukes or the creature who ate Fred Dukes?

  • Turtle Rider
    January 6, 2019 at 1:50 pm

    If you’re fat you should kill yourself.

  • Cousion Eddie
    January 6, 2019 at 1:17 pm

    I think BPD can just hide a comment. The commenter still sees it but nobody else can.

  • hank
    January 6, 2019 at 1:07 pm

    Did the BPD put an APB out at all OCBs? You don’t get away with a score like that and not celebrate with 25 lbs of all you can eat. And if that doesn’t get a result a bullhorn attached to a black and whites speakers with Beluga whale calls should do the trick.

  • Richard Simmons
    January 6, 2019 at 12:29 pm

    Berlin PD should block that mouthy bitch ASAP. What normal person gets upset on people making fun of people doing criminal things. Shut up you bunch of fat cunts

  • Stunt Penis
    January 6, 2019 at 12:09 pm

    LMAO @ Luis Gomez. Buy that guy a 6 pack.

    • Jim Dirtynuts
      January 6, 2019 at 1:13 pm

      I spit coffee all over my phone when I read that!

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