All-Star Criminals

Ware Mugshot Matching Game: Drunk On Railroad Tracks, Walmart Asportation, Warrants, And OUI’s

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Time for another episode of Ware Mugshot Matching Game!! Today we have four of Ware’s finest, recently featured on the Ware Police Department’s Facebook page. We will give you a list of crimes, and your job is to match the crime to the mugshot of the person who committed said crime. If you get them all right then “he who shall not be named” will finally shovel his sidewalk this winter. Here are the mugshots:














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B. Passed out drunk on the railroad tracks

C. Outstanding warrant

D. Nissan Altima was travelling erratically down Palmer Rd and turned into Walmart. Officers arrived on scene and made contact with the registered owner while they were walking out of Walmart. It was later discovered that they had stolen several items from Walmart. Charged with shoplifiting and asportation.

Crimes B and D are such classic Ware. It wouldn’t be a week on the job at the Ware Police Department if you didn’t find some muff passed out drunk on the railroad tracks. And what I liked about criminal D was that the cops had zero intention of catching them shoplifting. They probably thought they were dealing with your standard daylight drunk driver. But as it turns out this individual had stuffed their pants with a Ware Walmart bounty. Working in loss prevention at the Ware Walmart seems like a thankless job.

Anyway, here’s your answers:

  1. A – OUI


Sweet baby Jesus, it’s the Ware version of Barney Rubble!! Everything about this guy is classic Ware. I can smell him from Worcester. And that no fucks given t-shirt is the perfect complement for his amazing haircut.


2. D – Walmart Asportation


I figured this guy was the outstanding warrant, and the chick was the one who stole from Walmart. But in hindsight it is clear that that guy right there does not pay for things at the Ware Walmart.


3. Outstanding warrant


This woman is only 27 years old!!! But that’s like, a million years old in Ware years.


4. B – passed out drunk on the railroad tracks


I don’t know if arresting this guy is gonna fix the problem. Doesn’t seem to be in the same universe as the rest of us. The fact that he thought it would be wise to take a nap on the railroad tracks probably should’ve tipped us off to that one. Just sayin.

How’d you do? Get em all right? See ya in a few weeks for our next episode!!!


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2 Comment(s)
  • juror seven
    September 15, 2016 at 1:01 pm

    Careful turtleboy it appears that only white people are being arrested in Ware. Could it be that Ware is one of those lilly white communities full of liberal SJW’s? How did these four end up on the wrong side of the tracks? Could have fooled me.

  • Shackleford
    September 15, 2016 at 12:31 am

    Byyy Mennen.

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