All-Star Criminals

Warren Swamp Maggot’s Fam Is Mad We Put Him On Blast For Home Invading Elderly Woman At Knifepoint, Girlfriend Is Keepin It 100

If your family member holds an elderly woman at knifepoint in her own home and we publicly humiliate them, you should probably be mad at your family member instead of Turtleboy.

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Yesterday we wrote this assbag from Warren, who was arrested for armed home invasion when he held an elderly woman in Ware at knifepoint:

Warren Swamp Maggot Arrested For Home Invasion Of An Elderly Ware Woman Brags About What He’ll Do To Home Invaders On Facebook

Total swamp maggot.


Anyway, we figured this was one we could all agree on. I mean, who’s gonna stand up for an 18 year old trashbag who pulls a knife on an elderly woman in her own home? Then we got this message today.


LOL. Is there anything more comical than when people who don’t shit about shit start rambling on about what other people don’t have the “right” to do? Hilarious.

Ya know who probably should’ve worried about this assbag’s grandmother and cousins seeing this idiot become Turtleboy famous? Him. Ya know, by not robbing an elderly woman with a knife. But please, tell me more about how he’s the victim here.


Wait….you mean he’s NOT a drug addict? So he didn’t rob an elderly woman to feed his habit? He did it because he’s an asshole? Well then, that makes him look WAY better. Thanks for chiming in fam!!!

Luckily his girlfriend smartened up and decided that someone who could do this to an elderly woman wasn’t the kind of guy she wanted to be in a relation ship with.

LOL. Just kidding. She’s keepin it 100!!!


Don’t worry hun, he’ll be out in 6-8 months just in time to reproduce. They might allow conjugal visits in the house of corrections. Not sure. They don’t sell condoms in the vending machine though. Not that you’d ever consider that possibility, but just in case.


P.S. Guess someone didn’t like our joke about skinny guys not getting credit for having six packs.




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16 Comment(s)
  • The Warren Hillbillies
    January 8, 2017 at 12:56 am

    Don’t forget an elderly couple was killed not too long ago near Athol
    by two druggies with a knife. That poor woman is very lucky she wasn’t knifed
    to death–please watch out for your elderly family/neighbors.
    I hope this ugly hick freak gets a long prison sentence.
    Folks in prison hate anyone who harms children or elderly,
    so once his prison roomies hear what he did, he’s fresh meat.

  • Rutland Rider
    January 7, 2017 at 6:58 pm

    Hey…GREAT. That shithead balloon knot has a grandmother. Let’s go rob her at knifepoint….see how Mr. Gang sign flasher likes THAT!

  • Wabbitt
    January 7, 2017 at 5:27 pm

    If Scott Kimball looks up, he might see the joke sailing over his pin head.

  • January 7, 2017 at 2:03 pm

    The turtle does it again. Hahaha!!! Your my motherfucking hero. I get a kick out of the articles you write on a daily. Personally im over the top happy that you are here for my entertainment. There are so many stupid assclowns in the good old state of mass. People should be happy that there’s someone willing to say shit there to damn scared to say. Or there scared of hurting someone’s feeling. Well poor them lol. I say fuck that! If you do ignorant crap then you 100percent deserve to be called out on it. Keep it coming because I for one can’t get enough. Turleboy life forever baby!!!

  • JoeMomma
    January 7, 2017 at 10:24 am

    Look at the bright side scumbag……
    If you had done that to my grandmother your family would be making funeral arrangements as we speak, and I’m not bullshitting.

  • Too funny
    January 7, 2017 at 10:24 am

    The names of the people commenting are hilarious! Needed to laugh! Thanks

  • Pickles
    January 7, 2017 at 8:23 am

    I’m sure she’ll wait for him. 6-8 years is nothing. Just remember those who can’t add multiply. Just look at Warren.

    • Bertha Von Nation
      January 7, 2017 at 9:31 am

      “Those that can’t add, multiply.” Epic.

  • Independent Thinker
    January 7, 2017 at 8:08 am

    What’s with all of these selfies of unattractive people in front of a mirror?

  • The poop hole loop hole
    January 7, 2017 at 6:35 am

    What the fuck are they teaching these kids in school? It seems I cannot read a proper sentence anymore. No punctuation! Fucking run – on sentences! Anyone ever hear of a period or a comma?

    • Sal Monella
      January 7, 2017 at 7:38 am

      The regional High School is “Quaboag” which is Indian for “running bowels”

    • juror seven esq,
      January 7, 2017 at 7:46 pm

      That’s part of the problem in Warren. Most of these sick chicks are missing periods.

  • Buck Futts
    January 7, 2017 at 2:29 am

    In Warren, they circimcise the boys by kicking their sister in the jaw.

  • Uncle Daddy
    January 7, 2017 at 2:25 am

    How quaint, New England pillbillies defindin their kin.

  • MrSmiley
    January 7, 2017 at 1:03 am

    Im feeling a Colrain revolution part 2. How dare you call our po dunk shit hole town exactly what it is!!

  • Parallel Universe
    January 7, 2017 at 12:45 am

    Just talking about multiple felony charges. It’s not a big deal, like the victim will have mental issues for the rest of her life. The inbred mutations do have a point !

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