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Westerly, Rhode Island is an underrated source of ratchets. That’s why I had suspicions when this came across the turtle radar today…..

If you first saw this post you might think, “That’s horrible! This loving father wanted to get his daughter a puppy and some crudstain comes along, steals it, and sells it to someone else, probably for heroin money!! Especially since it’s a close friend that did it, the dog was allegedly paid for already, and the poor little girl had her heart set on it.”

But you’d be underestimating just how ratchet some people can get in Rhode Island.

First of all, her name is Ericha. Not Erica, or even the stripper version of it – Erika. Her name is Eri fucking CHA. As in, Cha-cha-chia.

Secondly, this is EriCHA:

No this, is not a backpage ad. It’s one of her many, glorious profile pictures that you could possibly catch gonorrhea from just by looking at them:

Don’t worry Ericha, “the Hood” doesn’t want you back either. Please stay in southern Rhode Island where you belong.

She seems like a classy broad who’s word can be trusted though….

This chick likes getting choked while taking the tuna torpedo?

Shocking.

Meanwhile this is the foreskin pimple she has chosen to bed with:

As you can see he prefers to rock the “I have court on Tuesday” starter kit – bootleg diamond earrings, a freshly touched up chinstrap, a tight zero fade, a tie that his Uncle Victor tied for him, a permanently erected middle finger, and a freshly lit Newport 100.

Well, as you can imagine there was a twist to this story, and Ericha wasn’t being completely honest about why the dog never got to them. According to commenters her boy toy Justin Varas is both a heroin dealer and even worse – a snitch!!

Is there any truth to this allegation? According to Justin’s vast array of Google trophies, even Snopes would verify this one:

So just to review Justin’s background:

• In 2005 he was charged with conspiring to light a house on fire that had children inside of it, got a 10 year suspended prison sentence along with 10 years of probation.
• In 2012 he was charged with delivering and possessing cocaine, and sentenced to 6 years in prison, but only with 1 to serve (because that makes sense). So I guess that despite the 10 year probation assessed 7 years prior to this in 2005, this was somehow not a probation violation for the 10 year suspended sentence? Makes sense.
• Then in 2014, despite once again being on probation from the 2012 arrest, (and the 10 year probation from the 2005 arrest for arson), he was once again arrested for heroin, but was given another chance because it was for “personal use.”

Our criminal justice system is a joke. This is why it’s so hilarious when people whine about too many people being in jail. We don’t put nearly enough people in prison.

Now that her hosehog boyfriend’s background had been established, and their victim status questioned, EriCHA had to do some damage control:

She seems lovely. The first time you see someone utter the phrase “get your facts straight,” (even if they don’t spell it FACKS or FAX) you must assume that you are dealing with someone who can get you half priced food stamps with one phone call.

The person making the allegation was right though. Adam Cheli was his child’s Godfather, who was arrested along with him during the 2014 arrest. In a rare move Cheli admitted to being a drug addict in front of the judge and said he wanted to go to rehab. He was only living with Justin Varas because he was hooking him up with heroin. Less than a year later he was dead from a drug overdose, likely supplied by Justin Varas.

But please EriCHA, tell me more about how badly your chudstuffer has been screwed over by a friend who didn’t let an innocent dog grow up in a drug den. Your boyfriend is a model friend after all.

Turns out being a heroin dealer isn’t actually that bad. At least according to Justin’s friend Amanda Raney

I’ve seen a lot of ratchets attempt to rationalize their homey’s criminal behavior. But I’ve never seen anyone defend a drug dealing slugrake using the, “He didn’t make the heroin, he just sold it” excuse. After all, “don’t shoot the messenger.” He’s just the middle man profiting off of the destruction of others by selling an illegal narcotic during an opiate epidemic. No big deal.

Good news too – by the looks of Amanda’s wide open Facebook page, she’s spit out multiple poundtown trophies out of her baby bazooka. Obviously she’s a great mother who is imparting strong values to her children. I know one of the first things I taught my kids was that it’s OK to be a drug dealer. You just can’t actually make or use the stuff. Those are the bad guys, not the middle man.

Amongst Amanda’s biggest life concerns right now are the casting methods used by General Hospital:

Lots of mothers have time to not only worry about General Hospital’s plot lines and watch a show that’s on at a time when normal people are at work, but to then take to Facebook to voice their displeasure.

The guy who ended up selling the dog to someone else did so because Justin is actually looking at jail time for what I can only assume was yet another drug related offense. EriCHA posted their conversation on her page in an attempt to make it look like they were victimized:

So once again, he didn’t want to sell the dog to a person who he figured was going to jail. He then offered to refund the money he’d already collected for the dog.

Newsflash EriCHA – this doesn’t make him a bad guy. His grammar and the fact that he has a shared Facebook account might though:

Wait….he steals cars too? And not just any car, his best friend’s wife’s sister’s car. So obviously we looked into this allegation, and it turns out that the rabbit hole gets deeper, and the story checks out from a 2016 arrest:

Justin Varas, 30, of 57 John St., was arrested Saturday afternoon on charges including breaking and entering a business with felony intent, larceny under $1,500 and conspiracy to commit each. Court records show that Varas, who is involved in several active drug cases, was released on personal recognizance and is due in Washington County Superior Court for a felony screening on Oct. 3. 

Interim Westerly Police Chief Shawn Lacey said Tuesday that the investigation began after police received a call from the manager of the gas station just before 5 a.m. to report that a window had been broken and cigarettes were stolen from inside the station. The station was not open when the incident occurred, police said. 

The manager provided video images to police that showed three men in a 2007 Hyundai Elantra pull up to the station and get out, Lacey said. One of the men broke the window and reached in, taking 22 packs of cigarettes valued at $213. The three men then turned their attention to a business next door and tried to steal an ATM machine located on property belonging to Watch Hill Outfitters. Lacey said the men were unable to dislodge the machine but left behind fingerprints, ripped pieces of clothing, and blood droplets that were collected as evidence. 

The car was visible on the video but the police said the men used clothing to mask their faces. Around midday, the police received a report from a Pennsylvania woman who said her vehicle had been stolen sometime in the previous 15 hours. The caller was known to police, Lacey said, as were several of her associates on John Street, where she had been staying. Lacey said the description directly matched the car seen in the surveillance video. 

After speaking further with the car’s owner, who was not identified, she admitted that she knew who had taken the car but was unsure where they had left it. The car was later found parked at Cimalore Field in Westerly and the police, acting on information provided by the car’s owner, found Varas hiding under a pile of clothing and blankets in a corner bedroom of his John Street home. Further suspects have already been identified as well, police said. 

This mother fucker stole 10 cartons of cigarettes, got into his stolen Hyundai Elantra, then went next door and tried to steal the ATM machine, failed, and left a plethora of bread crumbs for the police to easily find him. Finally he abandoned the vehicle, went home and hid under a pile of dirty laundry in his bedroom, because the cops would never think to look there.

Yet he STILL stayed out of prison.

Then last week he got arrested on warrants for a September 2017 traffic stop in which he was driving without a license, and a bunch of what turned out to be fentanyl was found inside the car:

A Westerly man with a history of drug charges was arrested Jan. 29 and ordered held without bond on a warrant charging him with possession of fentanyl, which was found during a traffic stop last September. The man, Justin M. Varas, 32, of 19 Ashaway Road, was charged last week with two counts of possession of a controlled substance. Varas, who was presented as a bail violator this week, is being held at the Adult Correctional Institutions in Cranston.

According to police, he was stopped on Jan. 29 by a Westerly officer who knew he was wanted on a warrant from Hopkinton. Capt. Mark Carrier of the Hopkinton Police Department said the charges stem from a traffic stop on Sept. 29, 2017. An officer had stopped Varas for an equipment violation and found that he was driving without a license, the department said. The police decided to impound the car, and while preparing it for towing, they discovered two baggies containing a suspected narcotic. The material was sent to a state lab for testing, and on Jan. 2 the tests came back positive for fentanyl, Carrier said.

Oh good, he’s at least being held in a Cranston jail because he’s a bail violator. Yet he’s STILL POSTING on this thread on his girlfriend’s Facebook page!!! And his biggest concern seems to be establishing that he ain’t no snitch (because…priorities) while dropping hard n and f bombs:

According to him he’s actually innocent in all of this, and only agreed to buy the dog so that his buddy Derek with the shared Facebook account could buy Christmas presents:

Man of the year in the making!

Meanwhile EriCHA is still voicing her displeasure with the way this all went down:

Man, she is ANGRY!! I’d say she’s on her period, but from the looks of it she doesn’t even know what a period is.

Things got even more interesting once Ma Dukes showed up:

And in the most predictable plot turn ever she’s a former addict herself, and she had a stroke in 2003 to prove it:

Of course she doesn’t blame the drug dealer either. Her kid isn’t that bad. It’s all the addict’s fault. The supplier’s hands are clean. I expected nothing less from a grown woman who uses the dog filter.

Safe to say her drink of choice is chin and juice….

Not sure why EriCHA is so defensive of her lifetime offender boy toy. According to the only slightly less ratchet people they were trying to buy the dog from, he hasn’t been faithful to her:

Just a reminder, her sister is the same person he stole the car from who was already, “known to police.” Welcome to Westerly.

Better watch yourself EriCHA, because she be putting you on blast on Jam’n 107.7:

Holy Phi Slammer Grammar!!

The last person to tap in was Justin’s ex, Charlotte Sullivan, who wanted to defend his honor and let the world know that the real reason he turned into such a scumbag (even though he’s been getting arrested nonstop since 2005) was because he wasn’t with her anymore:

And to cap off this ratchet parallelogram, less than 2 months ago this lifetime drug dealer and dope fiend started a fraudulent GoFundMe, using his daughter to try to solicit funds from people:

Cheer company? What does that even mean? Well, Justin actually pretended to be his daughter, tried to write in her voice, and claimed that she and a friend named “Lula” were planning on buying a Staples (the chain store, not actual Staples) and converting it into a cheer company for $2,000:

You simply cannot make this stuff up.

Editor’s Note: If EriCHA or her boy toy wants to come on Turtleboy Live tonight to defend their honor and explain their side of the story, message us on Facebook and we’ll make it happen.