All-Star Criminals

Wigtacular West Warwick Maggots Record Themselves Stealing Woman’s Cat From Cumbies, Dumping It Into The Woods, Still Missing

Follow @TurtleboyNews on Twitter by clicking here

Follow Turtleboy on Instagram by clicking here

Follow and like the Turtleboy Sports Forever, the newest Turtleboy Sports page and Clarence Woods Emerson to keep up with the hilarious turtle rider commentary.

Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at for more information.

If you like free speech and want to support what we’re doing, feel free to donate to the Turtle fund:







Apparently a woman in West Warwick had her kitten stolen by some maggots:

They very wisely videotaped themselves doing it, and then throwing the cat out of the car. The cat is still missing:

A bunch of crackbaby white kids from West Warwick using the n word like it’s going out of style? Never thought I’d see the day.

“We just stole the Cumby’s cat.” Good thing videotaped confessions aren’t evidence of wrongdoing.

It goes without saying that these poopsmoochers are the lowest of the low. That poor fucking cat man. It was so scared in that video. Meanwhile these crack monkeys are dropping n bombs and laughing like the crackmuppets they are. At one point they even attempt to have a conscious when one of them recommends bringing the cat back to Cumbies. But because they’re soulless maggot welfare whores they decide to release the cat into the woods.

It took all of five seconds to find out three of their names. The woman filming is is Allison Provencal:

She’s a real philosopher, and lives by such creeds as, “free the real ones,” “boss the fuck up bitch”:

And “hell yea n word, Jeep gang”:

And by “Jeep gang” she means, “It’s only a matter of time until I’m gangbanged in the back of a Jeep.”

She doesn’t like n words who be acting big, because inevitably they just end up getting banged on too:

I think it’s safe to say when a caravan of men pulls up to her “acting big,’ she’s wends up getting treated like a dick cushion.

She’s totally not a crackwhore though. It’s not like she often finds herself in predicaments where strange men show up to her house with tire irons……

Honey, they weren’t there to beat you with those tire irons. They were there in case you needed a little extra stimulation.

Random groups of men always seem to be rolling up to her house:

She’s a real classy broad this chick:

You’re right. That cat seemed like a good pussy. Naturally a pscyho broad like you had to attach yourself to it.

Not only did she upload the video to SnapChat, she also tagged her coconspirators, who then went on to publicly admit what they did:

Corey Clark attempted to hide himself in that video:

But just like everything else he’s ever attempted in life, he failed.

Corey naturally is a fan of the dog filter:

Which is mostly used by women. But that’s OK, because Corey’s one of the girls anyway.

Remember what Allison said though, she has n words to defend her:

Yea sorry Allison, but the only thing Pubefarm Larry can defend you from is an orgasm:

According to Corey, he knows he was seen in that video, but it’s OK because, “I found it so I toke it lol,” and it’s “just a cat”:

Yea, who cares if the cat could be dead somewhere, and it wasn’t your cat to begin with. Not your problem.

Oh, and he reproduced:

I know, I know. I’m as shocked as you are that he has a functional penis, AND there was a woman out there with such low self esteem that she allowed him to toss his micromachine in her bat cave.

The girl sitting in the front seat was Zyahna Bernard:

According to her, “I am that bitch”

Ya know, the bitch who “forgot” to tell you that she has crabs.

She’s the complete hoodbooger package. Big fan of the dog filter and 100 emoji:

Unfortunately for needle dick, Scissor Sanchez over here doesn’t swing that way.

Which is weird, because she apparently refers to her girlfriend as “my man”:

That’s normal.

Her newfound love for the lady’s pond seems to be less than a month old, as back in March she was keeping the menfolk at bay:

Don’t worry, she’ll still find a way to get pregnant December.

As you can tell from her posts on Facebook, she’s getting ready for second semester at Brown in the fall…..

Oh, and don’t fuck with her beef ion:

I have no idea what a beef ion is, but I bet it’s been in her mouth at one point.

West Warwick might produce the highest concentration of white people who don’t realize that they are in fact white. Seriously, 99% of the people we’ve written about from there are white, and not one of them has ever had an issue using the n word. We write about a lot of gutter trash at Turtleboy, but some of the most vile, debaseless creatures always end up being from there.

I really hope the West Warwick Police post their mugshots on their Facebook page when they are arrested for this. Because no one deserves a public shaming more than them.

33 Comment(s)
  • Fuck Turtleboy
    May 12, 2018 at 9:57 am

    Is that bitch driving an srt-4

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    May 5, 2018 at 4:51 pm

    All females involved in this theft will report immediately to The House of Many Cums for proper punishment.


    Wyatt Hurts,
    Chief in Charge of Leather and Degradation,
    West Warwick Police Department

  • Rick
    May 5, 2018 at 4:07 pm

    Omg these twits just make me want to find them and use them as punching bags.

  • panzer9811
    May 4, 2018 at 2:33 pm

    That poor cat. What a bunch of heartless, soulless fucks. The owner must be hysterical and heartbroken. Reason number 10,000 to keep pet cats indoors.
    In a perfect world, I would volunteer to exact punishment on those four horrible cunts! After beating them bloody, but still able to walk with limps, I would drive them 360 miles north to The Allagash Wilderness, strip them of their phones, kick them the hell out of my vehicle, and let them play with the animals up there. See if that laughing cunt in the front seat is laughing then. Lots of extremely aggressive, pregnant moose, and cows with calves this time of year. Bears who haven’t eaten a decent meal since the Fall, and almost literally ZERO poople to help.
    No towns, just grids, no roads, (except old logging roads), lots of blackflies, and thousands of acres of raw wilderness to try to find their way out of.
    The odds of that poor cat getting home safely are probably not good.
    The odds of those evil, ignorant cat-stealing fucks finding their way safely home would be pretty much non-existant.
    If that was even remotely possible, I’d be on my way to West Warwick right now.

  • Rick Shaw
    Rick Shaw
    May 4, 2018 at 8:29 am

    This is going to impact these kids ability to get into college. Roxbury Community College will not put up with such behavior from perspective students seeking to make 15.00 and hour. Someone should throw them out of a car. Society is better without these pieces of useless garbage. They must have been good at dodging coat hangers in the womb, unfortunately they lived and society has to deal with them wasting the oxygen of decent people.

  • I'm Smash'n Him
    May 4, 2018 at 2:46 am

    I live right near one of these fags Corey im fucking you up for this when i see you..

    • Bring it
      May 4, 2018 at 8:28 am

      Stop trippin. When I took yo cat nigga be like meow! Meow! Meow! But it ain’t do shit to me! You ain’t doin shit so quit playing. Ima beat yo ax then fuck yo cat in front of yo mama bitch!

    • t-ro
      May 4, 2018 at 9:53 am

      corey makin u look like a punk lol u gonna take that son if u do u a pussy strait up i bet he fuck ur girl when he done skoolin u u wont do sheeit smh lol

    • What a joke
      May 4, 2018 at 10:44 am

      You live right near him? So then your’re admitting that you are poor. You couldn’t smash a bowl of jello with a truckload of viagra let alone Corey’s gay ass.

    • panzer9811
      May 4, 2018 at 3:05 pm

      Give him an extra kick in the face for me.

    • Corey
      May 4, 2018 at 5:39 pm

      Smash and send the proof to tbs. Or put an address up so someone else can. Little bitch needs a good ass whipping

      • panzer9811
        May 4, 2018 at 6:36 pm

        All four of them need a big time beat-down. Most deservedly, that ugly cunt in the rainbow shirt who opened the door and told the cat “get the fuck out.” That bitch needs to be bloodied to a pulp.
        People who abuse animals, (the elderly and children) deserve NO MERCY.

  • Siri couldn’t answer
    May 3, 2018 at 9:56 pm

    Does the white pants theory apply to lesbians and if so how exactly does that work? There could be a double loophole hiding in plain sight

    • Rae Denise Champion
      May 3, 2018 at 10:22 pm

      Why is it ok for you to complain drag a bunch of teenagers for making a huge mistake. They didn’t steal this chicks cat her cat was wandering the streets with no tags at 4am . If these kids didn’t check the cat out someone else was going to. You can’t let dogs roam freely cats can’t either. And if you grown ass ppl would actually watch the video all they did was pet the damn cat . The didn’t harm it they didn’t throw it out the window and they didn’t leave it in the fuckin woods. U ppl are over dramatic. U can see that they literally opened the car door and the cat walked out on it’s own. You ppl are literally dragging a bunch of teens wen u should be asking the owner why she left her cat outside over night. Smdh and who ever wrote this artical needs to stop hiding behind this blog like a creep. Leave these damn kids alone. Enough Is enough

      • Fred Knessl
        May 3, 2018 at 11:25 pm

        Well, if these prizes had pics of normal shit on their social media it might be different. These lovely future Felons/Welfare recipients think this is just something else to do after you smoke a shitload of crack. And they are PROUD of their accomplishments. Waste

      • Smack em
        May 4, 2018 at 6:54 am

        Cats have roamed free forever.. and it doesn’t matter where this cat was. These kids were a bunch of assholes out at 4 am looking to cause trouble for someone, cause they only thing your doing at that time is spreading your legs or doing something else you shouldn’t be. I hope every single one of them get their asses beat repeatedly for this. They know right from wrong and they knew what they were doing.

      • Screw PC
        May 4, 2018 at 7:31 am

        Shut your fucking hole, you stupid cunt. The cat has tags, it belongs to the lady at Cumberland Farms, they said that it did, they knew it was hers and she knew it was gone immediately, and that fucking homo said “it’s just a cat”. They’re assholes and they’re going to get beatdowns from local meat puppets for stealing a pet, being white and talking like negro hardos, and being fucking vain and idiotic enough to post about it on social media. We’ll see who’s the “nigga”, bitch hole. Fuck yourself back to the trailer park, Tanquerae. If any of these fucking spawn are yours, you should give them the primer beatdown before the real one that’s obviously on the way, and then find that cat.

      • Rick Shaw
        Rick Shaw
        May 4, 2018 at 8:32 am

        Let me guess, you’re either one of these imbeciles who couldn’t pass the GED if they had the answers. I hope they OD on Tide Pods and save taxpayers the burden of funding their incarceration.

      • Diane Woods emerson
        May 4, 2018 at 9:26 am

        It doesn’t matter whose cat it was or where it was. They stole it , made a video saying they SToLE it , then dropped it off what could be miles from where it was stolen. And what the video doesn’t show is the cat probably started to freak out clawed them and they said fuck it and opened the fort. They deserve to be shamed. It’s all a joke until you get caught. Play stupid games win stupid prizes.
        Oh and if You think any of them are going to college your high.

      • Marie Collins
        May 4, 2018 at 5:46 pm

        someone should drop you off in the middle of no where Rae. How long you think you’d make it before withdrawal kicked in? Not long I’m sure you piece of shit. Careful your secrets will come out too.

  • Baldo Coochino
    May 3, 2018 at 6:00 pm

    More Trump supporters emulating conservative culture.

    • Sherlock Homey
      May 3, 2018 at 6:36 pm

      The talking like black people is the biggest clue. All “niggas” love Trump.

  • Clitty Litter
    May 3, 2018 at 5:23 pm

    Pussies stealing pussies.
    That’s what they call ironic.

  • Kunta Kinte
    May 3, 2018 at 5:17 pm

    “Y’all jus’ watch. Sum day y’all wish yuh was black. I ain’t makin’ a joke, no suh.”

  • Spunky
    May 3, 2018 at 5:14 pm

    What a friggin skanky pig!! Lock these little turds up for a few months. Let’s see how really tough they are.

  • Maggie the Cat
    May 3, 2018 at 5:06 pm

    In my family, kidnapping a cat is a death penalty offense.

  • Katie
    May 3, 2018 at 4:38 pm

    Omg this poor they Know the woods where the cat was dumped? Have they been arrested & interrogated?! I someone asked those little shits where they dumped that poor cat so people can at least go look for it! Ugh..I’m so scared & sad for this Kitty. The poor thing looked like the sweetest cat too. I hope these scumbags get wtf they deserve! I’ll be thinking about you that poor cat now all the time. Really hope they can find him or her.

    • Ray Patriarca
      Democrats lie
      May 3, 2018 at 5:07 pm

      Two words : human shit. Here’s hoping they do society a favor and overdose. Nobody will care. Nobody will miss them.
      They will amount to nothing and just be another shitstain on the underwear of society. Non-productive, baby-making pukes.

  • bigdaddy
    Maura Healey
    May 3, 2018 at 4:33 pm

    Referring to ones r girlfriend as “my man”: means thats who wears the strap on

  • Laura
    May 3, 2018 at 4:17 pm

    Why aren’t they in jail for theft and animal abuse? That cat is probably so scared or has been taken by a predator.

  • bigdaddy
    May 3, 2018 at 4:14 pm

    I think my IQ declined just from reading that ratchet drivel

  • Repeat Offender
    May 3, 2018 at 3:43 pm

    The ginger in the back was on a previous TB article. Nathan Harrington I believe, real winner.

  • Michael Hunt
    Mike Hunt
    May 3, 2018 at 3:42 pm

    poor kitty. they should just light the whole car on fire with them in it.

Comment on this Post


White Trash Hero Wears T-Shirt With His Mugshot On It From Last Time He Was Arrested At Latest Mugshot Photoshoot
Tsarnaev Sister Threatened Boyfriend’s Ex With A Bomb Because She’s A Muslim Terrorist And A Tsarnaev And This Is What They Do Best
Ladies Night At TBSports: Will Women Read Our Official Rankings Of NFL Teams Blog?