All-Star Criminals

Woman Beating Wannabe Rapper And Inexplicably Giants Fan Reacts Poorly to AB Signing With Pats, Threatens “White Boys School Shooting” at Gillette Stadium, Proves His Music Is The Real Crime Here

Being a die-hard sports fan, especially if your team of choice isn’t very good, can be really hard. For some, it can actually take a toll on their emotional well being. You may find yourself preoccupied, or stressed out, angry, or maybe you threaten a mass shooting. You know, sports fan stuff. Right?





Tobias Gray of Providence, RI knows.

Toby here is a native of New York and die hard Giants fan.

Toby has a son, grand-kids at what appears to be the age of 44, and a mixed bag of criminal charges that you’d expect from someone whose previous addresses include stops in the Rhode Island cesspools of Central Falls and Woonsocket.

Seriously, does anyone in that state have their driver’s license? Every person I research has at least one of these charges.

Anyway, in the sake of fairness, other than the suspended license charge, the last charge Tobias faced in RI was in 2008. He’s managed to keep himself mostly out of trouble (or more likely just didn’t get caught) for over 10 years. Until yesterday:

“A New York Giants fan in Rhode Island allegedly went nuclear over the New England Patriots signing Antonio Brown — and threatened to “pull a white boys school shooting” at Gillette Stadium on Facebook, officials said Monday.”

That’s going a little over board.

“Tobias Gray, who originally hails from New York and posts rap music online under the moniker Unibomba187…”

A rapper from Rhode Island who drives on a suspended license and threatens to commit violent crimes who calls himself “Unibomba”? No way. Turns out Unibomba’s real mass atrocities to humanity can be downloaded on sound cloud.

There’s the crime, Your Honor. Guilty. Throw the book at him. The fact that his lyrics glorify Ray Rice and Ike Turner, two of the most infamous domestic abusers of all time, is all I need to know about him as a person.

“I’m going to pull a white boys school shooting at Foxboro,” he allegedly wrote in the since-deleted post obtained by CBS4.

“You might as well hand them the ring right now I’m if I ever get my hands on a gun which I don’t have one yet but I’m looking I will go shoot up random people at Foxboro.”

What a gloriously ill-conceived sentagraph. Go big or go home, right? When are people going to learn that pulling a dirty delete accomplishes nothing. Once you hit “post” or “send” it’s out there, and the internet is forever.

“Gray appeared Monday in a Providence courtroom on a separate domestic assault charge — wearing a Giants jersey — and didn’t fight extradition to Massachusetts, where he’s wanted for the alleged Gillette Stadium threat.”

“They’re going to have me on the news looking like some villain,” the handcuffed 44-year-old told his lawyer during the brief hearing, according to footage from WPRI-TV.”

Well, yeah, when you threaten to randomly shoot people and go by the name Unibomba187, it’s really hard to paint you as a likable individual. I actually love the fact that he showed up to the courthouse decked out in Giants gear. If you’re making criminal threats because of your love for one particular NFL team, you might as well embrace the role. Go all the way or stay the fuck home.

Sure this guy is lame as fuck, but should he have access to firearms or sound recording devices? I’m going with no, and no.  Look at this loser.

That $7 bottle of Pinot really adds to your street cred, Unibomba. So gangsta!

I have some advice for you, Toby. Just accept the facts that the Giants are terrible right now, Eli moves around the field like my grandfather, God loves the Patriots more, and they’ll likely go on to win ring #7 this season. Don’t try to fight it. Your life will be far less stressful.

At least he’s self aware.


24 Comment(s)
  • Nice hate crime ya got goin' on there
    September 13, 2019 at 5:05 am

    Dafuq, Toby?

  • What Liberals Think
    September 11, 2019 at 12:24 pm

    It’s all Tump’s fault. Right?

  • dr. fill
    September 11, 2019 at 12:10 pm

    White or black: if you are over 16 years old and wear a sports jersey for any reason, time to reach for the cyanide.

  • Captain Trips
    Aunt Jemima
    September 11, 2019 at 11:01 am

    Thanks goodness we have these treasures of diversity to make our world a better place!

  • Spic Tormentor
    September 11, 2019 at 8:57 am

    Blacks are savages

  • Silencio Dogood
    September 11, 2019 at 2:43 am

    Put this Giant in prison to suckle at the pendulous white meat teats of Josh Abrams, where he’ll have to survive by his halfwits, and avoid the tile showers that amplify a 44-year-old boys rap.

  • Liberalism is a Disease
    September 10, 2019 at 10:48 pm

    If you’re anti-mass shooting, you’re a liberal.

  • IT'S MA'AM
    September 10, 2019 at 9:37 pm

    Clearly, this guy is just incredibly dumb. He lacks any common sense.

    • Bell Curve
      September 11, 2019 at 12:32 am

      No he is just black.

  • Longdong
    September 10, 2019 at 8:00 pm

    This is the type that rips out his python and make inferior ass white boys go other way real quick.

    • Donnie
      September 11, 2019 at 12:21 pm

      Huh? What the fuck did you say?

  • popwarner
    September 10, 2019 at 7:13 pm

    Grown ass man watching grown ass men sweat while playing a game and getting emotional. Suicide is the correct answer Alex. What does he win?

  • Lee Boyd Malvo
    September 10, 2019 at 3:57 pm

    More like a Chicago MurdaPsn Style shooting YO.

    • Chester Turner
      September 10, 2019 at 4:05 pm

      Tru dat muthafucka

    • Wayne Wliams
      September 10, 2019 at 4:10 pm

      I like em young and dark.
      I gutsta get me some boi.

      • wigga1
        September 10, 2019 at 5:01 pm

        don’t axe me where you can find dem boi’s

        • Primate Fever
          September 10, 2019 at 9:14 pm

          I dont remember a black serial killer named wigga1.

        • Hussein Ali
          September 11, 2019 at 1:14 am

          I love black camel jockies

  • Massholio
    September 10, 2019 at 3:20 pm

    Anyone notice he’s wearing Plaxico’s number…but the Steeler’s number for him not the Giants.

    September 10, 2019 at 2:58 pm


    • Gothpoon Gravydumpster
      September 10, 2019 at 4:03 pm

      If you don’t get it then you’re an incognigant floppstopulous grumplestenkle from Fapbucketsville.
      Don’t ya know, this is how all professional journalists write!

  • Charlie Rose
    September 10, 2019 at 2:27 pm

    The following post is for illustrative purposes only and in no way is it representative of any actions I have or will take.

    What if I was a white guy and I posted: going to the south side of Chicago to shoot up some homeboys, spook style.

    Would that be seen as a “hate crime”? The lame ass Boston local news reports didn’t even report on that aspect of the story, but if the page was flipped it would have been the headline.
    If it wasn’t for Sheri Spears tight little body, I wouldn’t watch the news in the morning g.

    • tony spears
      September 11, 2019 at 10:35 am

      Shiri has lopsided titties

  • Fuck The Giants
    September 10, 2019 at 2:03 pm

    What a dummy

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