All-Star Criminals

Woonsocket Porridge Potato Needs 4 Doses Of Free Narcan After Passing Out Driving Minivan With Baby In Back Seat, “It’s A Disease” Patrol Shows Up To Defend His Honor

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NBCNorth Smithfield police said a man apparently overdosed in his car while he had a child with him. Michael Kraczynski, 33, of Woonsocket, was charged with cruelty or neglect of a child. He was released pending an appearance in Kent County District Court on Aug. 30. Police said Kracyznski was found overdosing in his car on the side of Victory Highway on Friday night. A child about 18 months old was in the back seat. Police and North Smithfield rescue revived Kraczynski with four doses of Narcan.

Police said the man told them the next day that he’d taken two white pills he thought were OxyContin for shoulder pain, but 10 minutes into the ride he started to feel strange and pulled over. Police said the man admitted the pills were not prescribed to him. The state Department of Children, Youth and Families was notified. The child’s mother took custody of the child. Police said Kraczynski told them that he “made a bad decision.”

Of course he’s from Woonsocket. Luckily for him Woonsocket is in Rhode Island which means one thing – he’ll have his kids back by Friday.

Awesome excuses from this porridge potato. He “made a mistake.” Because sometimes you forget that to put the recycling out, and other times you do a bunch of OC’s while driving with a baby in the backseat. He had “shoulder pain,” so obviously he had to take not one, but two pills that are known to fuck you up, make you immune to pain, and thus make it nearly impossible to operate a motor vehicle. Naturally he chose to do this while operating a motor vehicle.

He wasn’t just a little bit fucked up either. He need FOUR doses of Narcan. Shamu at Woodstock wouldn’t need that many. Don’t worry though, it’s on the house. Meanwhile, people whose kids have asthma will pay out of pocket for their children to be able to breathe. Because asthma isn’t a disease but drug addiction is.

I thought for sure that we could all agree that this cholesterosaurus was a terrible person for endangering the life of his 18 months old child, as well as everyone else on the road. But then the “it’s a disease” patrol showed up….

It’s remarkable that people actually think like that. The man who chose to take two pills that do the same thing as heroin isn’t at fault for choosing to do this while driving a minivan with a baby in the backseat. I pray to God this was sarcasm, but it’s Facebook so people actually believe really dumb things like this.

Next came the, “NBC is being mean by posting his picture on the Internet” sunshine crew….

Yea, how dare the news show their followers what the opiate epidemic looks like in real life. They should only show us things that make us feel warm and fuzzy inside.

One of my favorites were the alarming number of people who were crediting him with being responsible because he pulled over before he OD’d….

“Always negative comments.”

Ummmm…he overdosed while driving a car with his flesh and blood in the backseat. Please, explain to me how we’re supposed to be positive about this. I’ll wait.

Plus, he was in severe pain….

Severe pain from what? Did he have surgery? If so then the doctor would’ve prescribed him his own prescription, with the explicit instructions of not driving while under the influence of them. But he readily admitted he got them from someone else, which means he’s just your run of the mill pill fiend.

This clam trap was my personal favorite though….

When I woke up this morning and saw this story I really didn’t think it would possible to lionize a junkbox. But then again, this is Woonsocket, so here we are. He’s totally not a waddling bucket of cottage cheese for the following reasons:

  1. He pulled over
  2. He admitted he was in the wrong
  3. He was thinking about the best interest of the child
  4. We don’t know the whole story (even though we do)
  5. She knows them, therefore this is OK
  6. The porridge potato was nice to her one time
  7. Mom “works in the military” therefore this is OK
  8. It was a “mistake”
  9. He’s embarrassed, which is enough punishment
  10. Only God can judge

Plus, it’s not like he’s a junkie….

Yea guys, he was doing OC’s, not shooting heroin. Even though heroin is oxycotin for broke people who have gotten over their fear of needles. She’s totally not making excuses for him. Now here is a list of excuses for why this isn’t a big deal.

Look, this doesn’t just happen once. It’s not an innocent mistake that could happen to a normal parent. This likely isn’t the first time he rode around jammed up with a baby on board, it’s just the first time he got caught. And from the looks of the fupa, the overgrown pube garden on his face, and interior decorating in that minivan, this looks like just another Tuesday for the Woonsocket Porridge Potato.

23 Comment(s)
  • La petit morte
    August 13, 2018 at 12:56 am

    If you really need meds like Oxycontin, Percocet, or Vicodin to cope with severe pain, you shouldn’t feel it. The only thing you should be feeling is less pain.

    When I had Lyme disease, my pain level was between 8 and 9 constantly, and I could still only take 1 Oxy at a time. I could not sleep without it, and even then for only 3-4 hours. On top of not being able to drink, they constipate you so bad you can’t eat. I don’t which was the greater agony: the pain of Lyme disease, or the constipation of Oxycontin. Fortunately, I’m cured now. Others are not so lucky.

    The difference between addicts and the genuinely sick is that one side is plagued with the absence of choice. People don’t choose to get cancer. I never chose to be infected with Lyme disease. Addicts, whatever their poison or reason, choose to take that first drink, pill, puff, or injection.

  • drug addicts are pond scum
    August 9, 2018 at 2:37 am

    He doesn’t deserve the right to call himself a father. Anyone who’d put a baby’s life in danger because he’s a sorry sack of whale blubber shouldn’t be within 2 miles of children.

  • bigdaddy
    Patch's Kennedy
    August 8, 2018 at 1:59 pm

    Should have said it was ambien That worked for me

  • Hughbo Mont
    August 8, 2018 at 1:52 pm

    If it really is a disease, why isn’t the National Institute of Health working on a cure?
    Narcan needs to be changed so that it causes the recipient to have uncontrolled flatulence for life.

  • Lipstickhippie
    Lipstick Hippie
    August 8, 2018 at 12:52 pm

    Yeah you can bet all these assholes saying “addiction is a disease, it’s not his fault” have the disease too. Must be one hell of a deal, considering all the people who choose to contract it. Screw Narcan, all that does is enable these people to keep using. Start letting these fuckers die and see what happens.

  • Burlando Castile
    August 8, 2018 at 12:42 pm

    To the idiots who think this guy was responsible: would it be ok if a drunk driver or an inattentive driver drove into that minivan? If the kid started choking on something while dad is dinked, would that be ok? If someone broke into his car while passed out and took his kid, would that be ok?

    Some people don’t see the bigger picture where it’s obvious this shithead was irresponsible. 

  • He is full of Shit
    August 8, 2018 at 12:08 pm

    What did he actually take? He said he thought they were oxycontin. Fucking druggie / liar/ douchbag.

  • Tortuganino
    August 8, 2018 at 11:54 am

    is Vigil Anti related to After David? asking for a friend.

  • Sally sue
    August 8, 2018 at 11:20 am

    Wow love how some morons think taking oxy’s is not the same as doing heroin! It’s the same whether u take pills get black out drunk or do dope it’s all the same. A drug is a drug god people r stupid af!! Non addicts don’t just pop 2 oxy’s he’s addicted and chic thinks oh he’s good it’s only pills. What a dumbass!!

  • Y
    August 8, 2018 at 11:02 am

    Was he on his way to the Chrysler plant?

    • z
      August 8, 2018 at 11:11 am

      I thought that was a lunchtime thing.

      Dinner bell sounds. Hit the dealer. Get high. Head back to work.

      Arbitrator decided that was cool. They all got their jobs back.

  • Lynn Marie
    August 8, 2018 at 10:44 am

    He made a mistake that doesnt give the media the right to take a picture that clearly shows his bitch tits and rolls of fat. He pulled over to est a ring ding to counter the effects of the drugss. He clearly doesnt have a problem with drugs plus he was a good example to his children by showing them he was self monitoring and pulling over to pass out.he should win father of the year in my opinion. I mean he could have kept going and killed someone but he didnt. The media fat shames him to boot. Bunch of losers.

  • Real_Finn
    August 8, 2018 at 10:34 am

    Lynn Marie,

    “He could have keep driving”

    THAT sentence. You dumb shit-bag. No, he wasn’t thinking of his kid. He was thinking of napping. That’s it. He long forgot he even had a kid in the car. OTHERWISE, he would have called 911 — or at the very least the baby mama or a relative or a friend. So, no, he absolutely was thinking of the kid. My God, you’re a stupid twat.

    Get Fucked,

    • TortugaNino
      August 8, 2018 at 11:53 am

      your sarcasm detector is usually much more accurate bud, hope all is well.

      • Real_Finn
        August 8, 2018 at 12:52 pm



        I was responding to the *original* Facebook post by Lynn Marie — not the “Lynn Marie” posting here. Anyway, the “Lynn Marie” who commented here, posted after me.


        • DumbFucks
          August 9, 2018 at 1:38 am

          The Lynn Marie that posted here was using sarcasm but most turtle readers didnt catch on hence the down votes

          • RealDumbFucks
            August 9, 2018 at 1:40 am

            You would think bitch tits rolls of fat and eating ring dings would have provided some clues. butNOOOO

  • z
    August 8, 2018 at 10:31 am

    If it was a dog in the back seat instead of a kid, there’d really be hell to pay.

  • Vigil Ante
    Vigil Anti
    August 8, 2018 at 10:24 am

    I’m ready with my Pitchfork…someone grab a torch

    • The Vorlon
      The Vorlon
      August 8, 2018 at 2:19 pm

      The only problem would be the fire would take days to go out…

  • HorseDose
    August 8, 2018 at 10:15 am

    He might want to try for the Herion Chic look.
    Stop eating or lots of laxities. Otherwise switch to an upper.

  • itsjustme
    August 8, 2018 at 10:04 am

    He is such a great dad he doesn’t even have his baby facing the right way. That baby is too young to be forward facing.

  • Frank Rizzo
    August 8, 2018 at 9:49 am

    FBOS fat bag o shit

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