All-Star Criminals

Woonsocket Wang Pocket Crashes Minivan Full Of Five Kids Into Cop Car While Shithoused, And If This Is Her Facebook She Should Probably Stop Drinking

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WPRIRhode Island State Police say a woman arrested Wednesday afternoon on drunk driving charges had five children – ages 7 months to 10 years old – inside her minivan. Police said a Lincoln Woods State Park employee notified park police that a woman – identified as Leah Beatriz Duran, 41, of Woonsocket – was possibly drunk and preparing to leave the park in a minivan with five children inside. State police said when officers confronted Duran, she “allegedly backed into one of the officer’s trucks in an attempt to flee.”

Troopers arrested Duran. They said breathalyzer tests showed her blood alcohol content was .279 and 2.77. The legal limit in Rhode Island is .08. Duran was charged with operating a motor vehicle under the influence of liquor or drugs, first offense, BAC .15 or greater with a child under the age of 13; and driving with a suspended/revoked/canceled license.

If you’re ever having a bad day and think to yourself, “Man, I sure suck as a parent,” just read this blog again and remind yourself that you’ve never gotten shitcocked during the middle of the day and crashed into a cop car with your minivan full of five raw dog trophies.

Damn girl, you blew a .279. That’s not regular drunk, that’s Dragon 88 drunk. How do you even load five kids into a minivan when you’re that plastered? That’s actually kind of impressive. I have a hard enough time putting two in when I’m dead sober. It’s a whole process when the bigger one demands that he does the seatbelt himself, knowing full well he has no freaking clue how to buckle his seatbelt. Every. Single. Time.

The only Leah Duran we could find on Facebook that resembled her was this one. But according to her page it says she lives in Framingham. However, according to the world wide Internets, the Framingham Leah Duran is the exact same age as the Woonsocket Leah Duran, and they have the same middle initial (B). We messaged her page for comment but have not received a reply. However, she does have several pictures of herself with kids in there. If it’s not her we’ll take this link down, but you be the judge….

Same exact forehead shape. Same nose. Same hardline. Same color eyes. Same skin complexion. Obviously the eyebrows, eyelashes and lips have been altered….

You can put lipstick on a ratchet but at the end of the day it’s still a ratchet.

If it is in fact her, then she does the exact opposite of what is supposed to happen when she drinks. She gets much, much less attractive. That will happen when five coats of makeup and any sense of pride get replaced with a liter of Goldschlager. But the whole purpose of drinking is that you become more attractive. So maybe she should join the PTA or something that normal 41 year old Moms do.

According to the this asshole’s website, he claims that the Framingham Leah Duran is an illegal immigrant who drives without a license. And since one of her charges is driving without a license, it would lend credence to the belief that this is the right Leah Duran. Her Facebook says she’s from Puerto Rico though, which morons often forget is part of the United States, and thus Puerto Ricans cannot be illegal.

25 Comment(s)
  • Dr. Tit
    July 13, 2018 at 7:19 pm

    If she is indeed from pr, she’s practically american. Some fucking agency needs to intervene and clean her up, for the 5 kids sake. .279 bac in my opinion would be pretty tough to achieve. When she’s cleaned up she aint half bad looking. Noticing some possible decent rackage. If she’s illegal, deport the fuck out of her and her 5 kids before she kills innocent people.

  • Clitty Litter
    July 13, 2018 at 6:44 pm

    Shit!
    Those udders must be dispensing 80 proof.

  • SMH
    July 13, 2018 at 4:49 pm

    Haha. Cops couldn’t believe her high BAC number, so they had to do again to be sure!

  • Captain Trips
    July 13, 2018 at 2:51 pm

    My favorite Clint Eastwood line from The Gauntlet:

    “On a scale of 1 to 10, I’d give her a two, and that’s only because I’ve never seen a one before”

  • deflateddoritodinks
    July 13, 2018 at 1:11 pm

    “Puerto Rico”= the DR. The DR is not in the US.

  • Dr. Ed
    July 13, 2018 at 1:10 pm

    Lots of illegals claim to be from Puerto Rico but aren’t.

  • Roberto Duran
    July 13, 2018 at 12:55 pm

    No Mas No Ma son da drinking Girlfriend

  • Josh
    July 13, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Hey guys I got a question, it has nothing to do with this blog, but I figured I’d ask if anyone else has gotten a strange emails. This is obviously a scam but this is what the email says

    You don’t know me and you’re thinking why you received this e mail, right?

    Well, I actually placed a malware on the porn website and guess what, you visited this web site to have fun (you know what I mean). While you were watching the video, your web browser acted as a RDP (Remote Desktop) and a ke ylogger which provided me access to your display screen and webcam. Right after that, my software gathered all your contacts from your Messenger, Facebook account, and email account.

    What exactly did I do?

    I made a split-screen video. First part recorded the video you were viewing (you’ve got a fine taste haha), and next part recorded your webcam (Yep! It’s you doing nasty things!).

    What should you do?

    Well, I believe, $1900 is a fair price for our little secret. You’ll make the payment via Bitcoin to the below address (if you don’t know this, search “how to buy bitcoin” in Google).

    BTC Address: 1FDZq1JN6dzoriqiMrqTqv2cCUbFZpC8rW
    (It is cAsE sensitive, so copy and paste it)

    Important:

    You have 24 hours in order to make the payment. (I have an unique pixel within this email message, and right now I know that you have read this email). If I don’t get the payment, I will send your video to all of your contacts including relatives, coworkers, and so forth. Nonetheless, if I do get paid, I will erase the video immidiately. If you want evidence, reply with “Yes!” and I will send your video recording to your 5 friends. This is a non-negotiable offer, so don’t waste my time and yours by replying to this email.

    So after reading that I had a good laugh since I haven’t gone onto any porn websites. At least I didn’t think I had. But then I remembered the Woonsocket Crotchrocket! I did click a link in the blog. I copied and pasted the whole email into google and this has been happening all over the place. I was just wondering if any other turtle riders got this email

    • y
      July 13, 2018 at 12:59 pm

      ya’ll mother fuckers need Jesus

      • budman
        July 13, 2018 at 1:12 pm

        old scam. that scam was being used in the early nineties. still doesnt work.

    • Manchester Turtlette
      July 13, 2018 at 1:11 pm

      Hey Josh,
      I wouldn’t worry about it too,too much. Pretty obviously a Nigerian Prince situation. What worries me,because I’m a mom and I worry,is just exactly how much porn are you watching that this email applies to you that much? Need to be careful buddy, you only get two wrists. Now go outdoors and play,it’s beautiful out. Make sure to wear plenty of sunscreen and to reapply every hour and a half. And stop whacking it so much.
      Love,
      Manchmomma

      • y
        July 13, 2018 at 1:32 pm

        Josh couldn’t get nailed in woodshop

        • Captain Trips
          July 13, 2018 at 2:39 pm

          Josh didn’t mention that his porn site involves gerbils, collies and ponies

    • Finn
      July 13, 2018 at 3:26 pm

      Josh,

      This is just a twist on an old scam (very little refinement). The scammer likely used one of those shady password lookup apps that searches thru a database of old username/passwords. It makes it look legit and they’re really just using some old info to scare you.

      Do yourself a favor if your paranoid — never open attachments that you can’t scan first and cover your camera with duct table.

      Fondly,
      Finn

    • thuck fat
      July 13, 2018 at 6:31 pm

      you have tape over your camera, right? zuckerberg does …. easiest thing to hijack on a computer. take this scam as a warning.

      also, never paste a link on fb into a browser. it launches scripts that suck down your contacts in an instant.

      use facebook in firefox with the container plugin. do not use chrome.

  • Captain Trips
    July 13, 2018 at 12:25 pm

    Another Northeast average looking chick who thinks she’s hot.

    Move to Southern California girl. Zillions of chicks there.

    What’s considered an 8 here is a 2 there.

    Better yet, go back to your island.

  • hank
    July 13, 2018 at 12:08 pm

    Having had to deal with it firsthand, and though it would never happen, it would be great if something could be done to prevent generations of families on welfare from reproducing. Can’t wrap my head around the logic that if you can’t take care of yourself and need the state to do so by giving you housing, food, medical care etc, how are you allowed to bring a child into that mess. When people were actually given “food stamps” it was deemed cruel because the layabouts would complain it was embarrassing. So instead they were given credit card looking EBT so they could pretend they contributed to society. Pretty simple concept; coddling criminals and the lazy on produces more criminals and lazy people. If people need to be shamed into changing for the better, why wouldn’t you?

    • hank
      July 13, 2018 at 12:10 pm

      This site is doing yeoman’s work. Keep it up.

    • Captain Trips
      July 13, 2018 at 12:26 pm

      Well stated hank

    • Richard Cranium
      July 13, 2018 at 4:49 pm

      Hank. Another way to stop generational leaching is to take voting rights away from people who’ve been on government and/or state assistance for more than a year. When they gain the ability to provide for themselves and their brood, then they can vote. As it is now Dems push for everything free with zero accountability for one’s actions….. thus an entire population of voting slugs keeps them in office. No way any of them would vote for a person who wasn’t going to guarantee them their life of laziness and entitlement.

      Dick Head, out.

    • WeAreFucked
      July 14, 2018 at 12:26 pm

      Hank… mark my words. The United States of America will fall because of exactly this. The ratchets reproduce. The working class pay for them. One guy fathers 6 kids with three different women. Those 6 kids each do the same. in just 2 generations we have 36 people on the public dime from one guy who just doesn’t give a shit. in 3 generations we have 216. And so on. Those are the people who have ruined this country, not some Mexican who wants to work for $5 an hour because that’ll make him rich by Mexican standards.
      The poor and mentally ill are everywhere, and they’re reproducing faster than you & I. The deficit in the trillions? That can never ever be payed off either and instead will continue to grow.
      I hate what has happened to my country over the last 30-40 years. And I partly blame the democratic party for looking the other way.

  • Hughbo Mont
    July 13, 2018 at 11:43 am

    LOL She probably can act normal at .15 since it’s obvious she is no stranger to alcohol.

  • Jon cena
    July 13, 2018 at 11:26 am

    That link states they are unlicensed, not illegal. Though it does lean to the implication of them being illegal.

  • y
    July 13, 2018 at 11:23 am

    she’s the proud owner of 4 fuck trophies, so she must’ve been babysitting someone else’s child…what a fuckin gem!

    • The Mooch.
      July 13, 2018 at 12:27 pm

      5… 5 fuck trophies.

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