Turtleboy’s takes on the women’s march induced a lot of butthurt. Here’s the top 15 angriest comments.
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So the other day we wrote this blog about the indisputable fact that the only way to remove Donald Trump from power is for the democrats to win back Michigan, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin. And since the democrats lost all three of those normally safe states to a guy whose entire campaign was a never-ending joke, we wanted to offer some advice about how to win those states back. Because the strategy they’re using right now of parading up obnoxious celebrities like Lena Dunham, Amy Schumer, Madonna, and Ashley Judd, just isn’t working out right now. After all, Trump became President largely because of this failed strategy (and Russian hacking and fake news).
Thus we reiterated in the blog time and time again that the strategy was simple – convince 75,000 people who voted for Trump in MI, WI, and PA to switch teams next election. There’s never been an election strategy easier than that one.
But instead they had a women’s march, and they gave the microphone to some of the most insane, obnoxious women they could find. Madonna talked about blowing up the White House:
Ashley Judd talked about how “blacks are still in shackles just because they’re black,” she “feels Hitler in these streets – a mustache replaced with a toupee – Nazis renamed the cabinet – electro conversion therapy the new gas chamber shaming the gay out of America,” and of course Trump’s wet dreams about his daughter.
Oh, and Linda Sarsour, a Muslim woman who was one of the organizers, had this to say:
10 weeks of PAID maternity leave in Saudi Arabia. Yes PAID. And ur worrying about women driving. Puts us to shame. http://t.co/xZAwgg6HXL
— Linda Sarsour (@lsarsour) November 16, 2014
Yup. Saudi Arabia’s policy towards women puts American to shame. I swear to God. She said. Saudi fucking Arabia. This was the leader. There’s no words for this type of stupidity.
Some critics have said that it was inaccurate to paint all marchers like these wackadoos. But listen to that Ashley Judd speech again. The crowd goes INSANE at the end. They LOVED it!!! Plus, she and Madonna were CHOSEN as speakers for this. They could’ve picked anyone, and they found two of the biggest fruit loops they could find. The rest of the speakers talked about Michael Brown and racist cops and all this other shit that has absolutely nothing to do with women. Oh yea, and women who consider themselves feminist but happen to have conservative values were not invited onto the stage. But yea, tell me more about how you’re trying to unite women.
If they were smart then every single woman who spoke would’ve been a moderate, professional, dignified lady from Michigan, Wisconsin, or Pennsylvania. That’s what I would’ve done if I wanted to take the White House back from Trump. I would’ve put together seminars about how to get involved in political campaigns. I would’ve had presentations about upcoming Senate races in 2018, and how we can make sure women’s voices are heard loud and clear in the election results. Ya know, stuff that actually works. Because Turtleboy just enjoys winning like that. Instead we got this:
Anyway, despite the fact that we were only trying to help, the comments section turned into a blood bath. So many people were wilin’ out on the turtle. But way more people agreed. Because that’s what we do at Turtleboy Sports – we speak for the silent majority. We see your bullshit and we call you out for it. You get mad at us for a little bit, but then some cheesehog from Webster lights a schoolbus on fire and sells her food stamps on Facebook and we go right back to being friends again.
With that said, here were the Top 15 Angriest Comments About Turtleboy’s Women’s March Blog….
15. Only white trash reads Turtleboy
Bro, you’re dressed as bacon.
14. Look at my chart!
Yea Michelle, we see your chart. I know, the fact that female elementary school teachers make 1% less than men on average is VERY oppressing. It’s hard living in America.
13. I’m gonna whine about you whining about people whining
It’s almost as if you don’t have to read the blogs if you don’t want to. Crazy, I know. For the record we don’t find fault with “everyone and everything.” But pretty much everyone and everything we write about is something we did find fault with. However, imagine Turtleboy existed and we wrote about things we didn’t find fault with? Yea, that’d be a really, interesting, thought provoking blog. Almost as exciting as Barney and Friends.
12. This blog is the reason we had a march Turtleboy!
No, this blog was about the indisputable fact that you all don’t want Trump to be President again in 2020, and the only way to fix that is to get 75,000 people to change their vote next time. And your march did nothing to convince ANY of those 75,000 people to change their minds. If anything, middle of the road folks who didn’t vote for Trump saw the ridiculous signs of Jesus on the cross turned into a vagina, and they listened to Madonna fantasize about blowing up the White House, and they promised themselves they’d vote for Trump next time. The exact opposite of what this march was supposed to accomplish.
11. I’m not a Turtleboy fan, I just comment on the Facebook page a lot
Newsflash – even if you’re a butthurt, you’re still a turtle rider. Every time Michael comments on our posts, his entire friends list sees our blog. Then they see how much fun we’re all having and they check out the Facebook Live shows, and then we’ve got them hooked for life. Thanks Michael!!
10. The pictures Turtleboy picked made people say mean things
Wait…..so we’re the demeaning and derogatory ones?
You’re dressed as a head emerging from a human vagina. And Turtleboy is the demeaning and derogatory one? Yea, that makes TONS of sense. Newslfash – we did not make these people up They were there and they posed for pictures. We did not choose them because they would incite demeaning commentary. We chose them because they are in fact demeaning. When you dress up with your head emerging out of a human vagina, chances are that your costume will elicit hilarious and depraved commentary from the masses. This is how the Internet works.
9. Stick to sports Turtleboy!!!
This one never gets old. Newsflash – hunting SJW’s is a sport. But to answer her question, the civil rights movement was actually marching to fight for rights they didn’t already have. Ya know, like being able to order a sandwich and eat it in the restaurant. You’re not fighting for rights, because there isn’t a single right that a man has that you also don’t have in America in 2017.
8. Turtleboy is devaluing women based on looks
Wait, I’m confused. “Devaluing women based on their adherence to beauty norms?” But women at the march were the ones holding signs devaluing women based on their adherence to beauty norms.
“Sleeping beauties.” In other words, the woman holding the sign is judging the rest of the women in attendance based on their overall attractiveness. She has deemed that they are all beautiful. This is OK, because she’s being nice. You can only judge someone based on their physical appearance if the things you are saying are nice. Kind of like, everyone gets a trophy. Got it.
7. Turtleboy secretly films the homeless
Let it out man!! Must’ve missed that blog, but I’m sure it was therapeutic to get this nonsensical rant out of your system!! You made a difference today!!
6. I don’t like it when Turtleboy calls people fupasloths
Newsflash – are most talented female writer came up with that word. And it’s an AMAZING word. Everyone with a sense of humor likes it. That’s the thing about Turtleboy – you’re not gonna have fun here if you don’t have a sense of humor. We insult and use crass language. Because….freedom. If you don’t like it, you might be better off with a safer blog like the Huffington Post. Can’t say I’ve ever seen the word “fupasloth” in the title of any of their blogs.
5. Turtleboy is mansplaining
Pro-tip: the second you use the word “mansplaining,” most people stop paying attention to anything you’re saying. Only social justice warrior fupasloths use that word. It’s like when conservatives use the word “libtard” or call Obama a Muslim. I stop paying attention to them after that. Oh wait, there I go mansplaining again!!
4. I’m here to make a very important announcement – I’m no longer following Turtleboy Sports!!
First of all, you’re not going anywhere. Everyone knows that. You’ll be back tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that. You don’t have it in you to stop clicking on our blogs. you love it way too much.
Secondly, the type of people who feel the need to announce to the world which pages they are unfollowing are the most pathetic, attention hungry losers on the planet. Because we were all literally sitting on the edges of our seats wondering if Beth Cardinal and Caitlin Howard were gonna unlike our page. Sure, they could’ve just hit the unlike button and moved on with their lives. But where’s the drama in that? Who will pay attention to them if they don’t make their VERY important announcement??!!
I’m sure it sounded right in her brain. Keep working at it Rena!!
2. Turtleboy can’t get laid
It’s true. That’s literally the only reason we wrote this blog. Sexual frustration. Now excuse me while we make tummy pancake while dreaming about some fupasloths.
1. If I call Turtleboy a misogynist I can show all these angry white women that I’m one of the good ones!
So THAT’s why Turtleboy doesn’t get laid. Because we don’t make posts about batshit crazy chicks like Ashley Judd “taking over.” Oh, and please, tell me more about how “brave” people were for attending this peaceful, well policed demonstration against….something. Jesse Castonguay would know a thing or two about bravery. He once saved France from ISIS:
And he shares articles about buying tampons:
If that’s not brave then I don’t know what is.
Anyway, we respect women. Always have, always will. But this wasn’t march for women. It was a march for whiny social justice warriors who can’t get over the fact that Hillary lost. Nothing was accomplished, and nothing will come of this except for SJW’s liking each other’s comments about how brave they all are. Plus, a bunch of Turtleboy writers are women. It’s almost as if you can be a woman and still think this entire charade was a meaningless waste of time.
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