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Voting is completed in the Cheesehog Region of Turtleboy Ratchet Madness, and we now know who will be advancing to the Final 4. And in by far the highest voter turnout of any matchup thus far, it was a surprise runaway:
Good bye Gabbi. As much as we’ll miss you, and as hilarious as your antics are, you were just no match for Trashley, who will go on to face Southbridge’s most notorious ratchet, Amanda Lacroix, in the Final 4. Here’s what the bracket looks like now:
Only two spots remaining. Time to decide who will advance in the Chudstuffer Region matchup. As usual we have linked a relevant blog about each of the two candidates, as well as a case for and against each so turtle riders can make an informed decision.
Case for Uxbridge Gypsy Church:
- Well known gypsies who scam people with gypsy paving company that has F rating from BBB
- Older brother David Stanley claims to be prophet while younger brother Dennis Stanley is archangel and also serves as DJ during sermons
- Often hump things during bizarre sermons and take their clothes off
- Perform exorcisms, including at the 1:03 mark in the video below
- Got into a standoff with the police when Dennis Stanley wouldn’t comply with a warrant for his arrest after domestic incident with wife
- Brainwash girls, many of whom are underage runaways, to believe they are the prophets, and several of them sleep in their beds and hump their cars on court days
- Wear gypsy style clothing, complete with oversized belt buckles
- Also brainwash their own children and force them to grow long gypsy hair
Case against Uxbridge Gypsy Church:
- Somehow live in gigantic house in suburban Uxbridge
- Don’t need to resort to GoFundMe scams or sell food stamps on Facebook
- Don’t wear pajama pants in public
Case for Heather Philip:
- Worked at Worcester strip club, but demoted to bartender
- Voluntary sperm sponge for cop killer Jorge Zambrano
- Drug dealer who sold drugs out of her apartment with 8 year old son living there
- Posts anti-police cartoons, and other memoirs to dead loser boyfriend on Facebook
Case against Heather Philip:
- Really more of a piece of shit than a ratchet
Totally different kinds of ratchetry going on here. The Uxbridge gypsies are hilarious, insane, nothing like we’ve ever seen before ratchets. They even have their own haram of of ratchets who think they’re some sort of prophets. They’ve single handedly destroyed property value on their street too. On the other hand Heather Philip is just such a disgusting, vile piece of filth. Tough one. You have 24 hours to decide who advances before we move on to the much anticipated Trap Queen Region.
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