20-Rock Romeo And Junk Box Juliet Illustrate The Reason Why Vetting Prospective Tenants Is Important By Breaking Into Property And Robbing The Place Blind Two Weeks After Being Evicted For Non Payment Of Rent
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It amazes me in this day and age how little thought some landlord still give to renting out their property. Too often, a couple of warm bodies show up with cash in hand, eager and ready to move, and with a quickly scrawled out “application” and exchange of hands, find themselves in a lease. It’s really, really cheap, easy and most of all important to run a quick credit and background check to vet out shitty tenants. If you don’t, you could end up with star tenants like these two champs from Providence, RI:
I’m not trying to be overly critical here, but, come on. If you are able to look at faces like these:
And actually come to the conclusion that these are the type of people you would entrust to honor a legally binding agreement where they are responsible for paying you market rent once a month and not turn your property into a dilapidated shooting den, then I have a bridge I’d like to sell you in Brooklyn. Somewhere between the complete lack of personal hygiene, glazed over eyes, twenty pounds of circa 1983 blue eyeshadow and grainy dog filter selfies lies a screaming indication that your rent is going to the most prominent vein in Brandon’s dick, and Danielle’s neck while she’s down there. Bonus red flag points for Danielle being employed at SSTG’s favorite Gentleman’s Club, The Wild Zebra.
Yep. THAT Wild Zebra. The classiest and most discerning Gentlemen’s Club in Rhode Island.
If that still doesn’t raise any concerns, maybe a quick glance at her Facebook profile would:
Or the joint Facebook page they made when somebody broke the sanctity of raw dog and cooperative drug procurement:
…Because for people who can’t afford their rent, they are selling a lot of stuff. Almost as if it wasn’t theirs to begin with. But who knows?
The local word of mouth on these two isn’t all that promising, either:
Nor do the Google Trophies:
…Or maybe the raw dog trophy who is conspicuously never around?
Definitely the “slumlord” accusations. That’s never, ever a good sign.
Gee, Mom. Must’ve been a really bad case of ghetto black mold.
So many clear indications that past the initial move-in deposit, you’ll never see another dime – just a huge headache. These are the type of people who always,
alwaysend up costing more than the three months rent maximum you can charge up front. It’s practically scientific. Now, by all accounts the landlord they completely took advantage of is a really nice, generous guy and a pillar of his community, so a part of my does commend him for wanting to help out a couple of the lowest of the low. Unfortunately, that’s the tiny part of me with soft gooey feelings – the rest of me with cold hard common sense hopes he loses the warm, charitable spirit and wises up. It is lucky that he is so well liked, though; because less than two days after their felony-and-flight caper, Danielle and Brandon have a couple more bullet points to add to their illustrious resumes.
…Not that it will get him back a red cent of back rent or damages, unfortunately. Hopefully, lesson learned here. Vet your tenants and know that nary a “recovery” story ever started with, “I was living in an apartment my landlord allowed me to stay in for free, with a decent inventory of high end electronics for sale on Facebook.” People tend to clean up a lot faster from the cold sidewalk in November than they do a warm bed on your dime. And for the love of God, can we stop calling it a “disease” now? I don’t know about you, but the last time I got the flu, I wasn’t moved to stop paying my bills and load up all my neighbor’s shit in a car to hawk for bundles from Flacco.