All-Star Criminals

20-Rock Romeo And Junk Box Juliet Illustrate The Reason Why Vetting Prospective Tenants Is Important By Breaking Into Property And Robbing The Place Blind Two Weeks After Being Evicted For Non Payment Of Rent

20-Rock Romeo And Junk Box Juliet Illustrate The Reason Why Vetting Prospective Tenants Is Important By Breaking Into Property And Robbing The Place Blind Two Weeks After Being Evicted For Non Payment Of Rent

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It amazes me in this day and age how little thought some landlord still give to renting out their property. Too often, a couple of warm bodies show up with cash in hand, eager and ready to move, and with a quickly scrawled out “application” and exchange of hands, find themselves in a lease. It’s really, really cheap, easy and most of all important to run a quick credit and background check to vet out shitty tenants. If you don’t, you could end up with star tenants like these two champs from Providence, RI:



I’m not trying to be overly critical here, but, come on. If you are able to look at faces like these:


And actually come to the conclusion that these are the type of people you would entrust to honor a legally binding agreement where they are responsible for paying you market rent once a month and not turn your property into a dilapidated shooting den, then I have a bridge I’d like to sell you in Brooklyn. Somewhere between the complete lack of personal hygiene, glazed over eyes, twenty pounds of circa 1983 blue eyeshadow and grainy dog filter selfies lies a screaming indication that your rent is going to the most prominent vein in Brandon’s dick, and Danielle’s neck while she’s down there. Bonus red flag points for Danielle being employed at SSTG’s favorite Gentleman’s Club, The Wild Zebra. 


Yep. THAT Wild Zebra. The classiest and most discerning Gentlemen’s Club in Rhode Island.

If that still doesn’t raise any concerns, maybe a quick glance at her Facebook profile would:


Or the joint Facebook page they made when somebody broke the sanctity of raw dog and cooperative drug procurement:


…Because for people who can’t afford their rent, they are selling a lot of stuff. Almost as if it wasn’t theirs to begin with. But who knows?

The local word of mouth on these two isn’t all that promising, either:

Nor do the Google Trophies:


…Or maybe the raw dog trophy who is conspicuously never around?


Definitely the “slumlord” accusations. That’s never, ever a good sign.

Gee, Mom. Must’ve been a really bad case of ghetto black mold.


So many clear indications that past the initial move-in deposit, you’ll never see another dime – just a huge headache. These are the type of people who always, always end up costing more than the three months rent maximum you can charge up front. It’s practically scientific. Now, by all accounts the landlord they completely took advantage of is a really nice, generous guy and a pillar of his community, so a part of my does commend him for wanting to help out a couple of the lowest of the low. Unfortunately, that’s the tiny part of me with soft gooey feelings – the rest of me with cold hard common sense hopes he loses the warm, charitable spirit and wises up. It is lucky that he is so well liked, though; because less than two days after their felony-and-flight caper, Danielle and Brandon have a couple more bullet points to add to their illustrious resumes.


…Not that it will get him back a red cent of back rent or damages, unfortunately. Hopefully, lesson learned here. Vet your tenants and know that nary a “recovery” story ever started with, “I was living in an apartment my landlord allowed me to stay in for free, with a decent inventory of high end electronics for sale on Facebook.” People tend to clean up a lot faster from the cold sidewalk in November than they do a warm bed on your dime. And for the love of God, can we stop calling it a “disease” now? I don’t know about you, but the last time I got the flu, I wasn’t moved to stop paying my bills and load up all my neighbor’s shit in a car to hawk for bundles from Flacco.


18 Comment(s)
  • old dawg
    December 6, 2018 at 9:02 pm

    I banged a stripper at the wild zebra once, when it was called cheaters. Was at the squire once 2 years ago, cute little stripper (seriously) announced pussy was for sale, had a real nasty attitude so that was a no, but judging by the clientele that was there it was probably warranted. Also saw the stripper that was featured on tb with the pussy pop video there that night. She was horrendous looking. Strip joints are a throwback in time before the internet. No one with computer access and that can speak english would ever consider going to a strip joint unless it was a part of a birthday, rite of passage gag type of event. And the only broads that strip are ones you don’t want to see naked or need the quick uber like cash fix that doesn’t have a driver license or car. They have no choice but to rent their pussy out because they aren’t making money on stage or with private dances. This Danielle chick’s boyfriend must love the taste of semen and latex, because when she takes her panties off after a long night thats all he’s smelling.

  • msheadkracker
    Warn somebody first!
    December 6, 2018 at 2:03 am

    Are we sure those are chicks that work at the Wild Zebra? They look more like old ass trannys, the two chicks are so hard on the eyes, i thought inwas looking at a face swap mind fuck for a minute. They actually make my stomach upset looking at them, knowing some nasty male is putting $1s in theit shit stained g-strings.

  • Trash
    December 5, 2018 at 9:18 am

    Human Garbage

  • Deflateddoritodinks
    December 5, 2018 at 7:42 am

    Had to rehab former rentals that my in laws rented out. Took five coats of paint to cover the deep purple pentagram in one bedroom. Had to use a snow shovel to get down to the floor covered with detritus in another room. After we moved in had strange people walk into the house behind me asking if I had a room for rent. At 2AM had little fuckers knocking on my door asking about a backpack.

    I guess a background check was too expensive for my in laws.

  • I See Dumb People
    I see dumb people
    December 5, 2018 at 7:11 am

    This type of shit really pisses me off.. Im a single mom of 3 and when I was looking for my first apartment after 20 years of marriage and my own home. It was the most difficult process I ever had to go through all because I had no rental history cuz I owned my own home up until my divorce. I had no work history aside from a part time job as I was a stay at home mom before I left my abusive marriage . I dont do drugs , I dont drink any alcohol all i do is work and take care of my kids. Because of scum bag junkies like this it was nearly impossible to find an apartment that the landlord would rent to me given i was a single woman with a short work history. It took me 6 months to find a decent landlord that would over look my short history and rent to me .. I finally found a decent lanlord and have been renting from him for almost 3 years. Worst experience ever harder than purchasing your own home. So glad i am finally in a place i can call home until I save enough for my own home again.

    • Velvet Jones, Specialized Talent Scout
      December 7, 2018 at 1:08 am

      Have you considered setting out on a career in the exotic entertainment field?
      Hours are as flexible as you can be, you get to meet a lot of friendly people and limited taxation on your income are only some of the reasons this job might be right for you.
      Reach out for an interview, I can usually be found at the corner of Harrison and Beech St in Boston.

  • Yuck
    December 5, 2018 at 5:27 am

    Holy fuck! That Zebra place has got fucking zombies working as strippers! Goddamn, why would someone actually pay money to see those “women” strip? Gross.

  • Mass AG
    December 4, 2018 at 11:43 pm

    Guy looks GAF.

  • Fredo C.
    December 4, 2018 at 10:15 pm

    Jesus H Christ, it’s not rocket science to run the proper background check on rental applicants:

    1) do a search on Google and Facebook for them

    2) Pay $20 for a service like rent prep to search their criminal and eviction history

    3) demand 3 months worth of pay stubs and copies of bank accounts/SSI to prove they have more than just their dick in their hand to afford your rent

    4) call the landlord before the current one. The current one will say whatever you want to hear just to get those turds out of his hair.

    5) and the biggest one — go with your gut instinct. If it looks like shit and smells like shit then they must be shit who you should run from! Always better in the end to have a vacancy an extra 1-2 months than inherit enormous pains in the balls who will cost you 7 times as much before you finally get rid of them!

    • Independent Thinker
      December 5, 2018 at 6:50 am

      All excellent advice. Unfortunately, if you use your gut instinct, which is usually right, to deny someone a rental, they will run to every possible government agency with a discrimination complaint, and they will probably win. Remember, most of these agencies are staffed with the most left-wing progressives who can’t wait to take down the big bad landlord in order to add another line to their resume.

      • Y
        December 5, 2018 at 9:53 am

        I understand your point, but what would you suggest to avoid a discrimination suit?

      • Harry Poehlicher
        December 6, 2018 at 8:32 am

        So long as you don’t ask anything discriminatory or declare an illegal reason for denying them, landlords have every right in the world to say “no” to an applicant. You must use the same application and ask the same questions of everyone who applies. Like this landlord who rented to these dickheads. You NEVER let late rent float for more than a couple weeks, PERIOD, especially in shitbag class C rentals. It’s a business not a soup kitchen and professional dirtbags will string along gullible landlords for 9 months while the past due grows. Can’t be a cheap ass and not pay a lawyer thinking “I’ll take care of this”. Tenant is late? Send the notice to quit and then if you don’t see your rent call the eviction lawyer, there is no plan B.

  • Eee
    December 4, 2018 at 9:58 pm

    Wait.. people having 3 months of rent in hand is a bad sign? Oh wow. I would think the ones who want you to let them move in with barely a fraction of it.

    • landlord
      December 5, 2018 at 12:54 pm

      Credit report is all you need. Dirtbags all have bad credit. The court can’t argue against credit reports.

  • The Vorlon
    The Vorlon
    December 4, 2018 at 8:06 pm

    That poor cat looked like it wanted to be ANYPLACE else.

  • Clitty Litter
    December 4, 2018 at 7:21 pm

    Jesus. H. Christ.

    Wild Zebra is a fucking zoo alright.

    • z
      December 4, 2018 at 7:39 pm

      Guys actually pay money to enter that place?

      That looks like a Romanian strip club during the heights of the Nicolae Ceausescu regime.

      We are in Blade Runner times and don’t even know it.

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